LOSSES

     Tonite I could not sleep. I tossed and turned and lay there, staring into the darkness. I know there are losses in life. I know that things change and often the change is not for the good. However, the most recent losses have been akin to punches in the solar plexus, causing difficulty in breathing, in an ability to accept and integrate the changes in life, how to deal with them.
     Yesterday morning I received a text message from one valued friend about the loss of another. Kind of expected, yet the punch at the moment was hard. Dorothy was a woman of integrity, often impatient with those who did not see their way to the right thing, the correct path, but always the patience to explain it to them. She expended  enormous amounts of time and energy in serving this Village and took much abuse for it from people who knew better and who should have behaved better. Yet, for many of us, she was a fixture in the firmament of friends. She mentored me, for sure, in many ways, and I admired her.
     I admired her courage and honesty, her sharp brain and her wicked sense of humor. I miss talking with Dorothy about books and authors we both liked. I miss sharing some afternoon hours with her. And Dorothy's courage in facing health concerns was admirable indeed.
    I will miss Dorothy. A hole has been opened in my heart and I am lucky that there are other friends with whom we can all share our thoughts and anecdotes about her. Dorothy, a peaceful voyage now to a better place, to a better world where the increasing acidity of life will be no more and neither will the problems and pains one faced in life. Be at peace, Dorothy.
     Contemplating the loss of Dorothy, I began to count all the other losses of daily life. But I believe that the biggest loss I have felt, other than what relates to me personally, is the loss of country, of surety of safety and welcome and appeciation. I have lost the sense of acceptance, of the willingness of the country to work together as one, to disagree and agree, both without the venom and the viciousness that we are now seeing. 
     I miss the role of the President as a role model. Whatever other presidents said in private, whatever language they used there, was not the language they used in public speaking. Even as they touted their policies over those of the opposition party, there was still bipartisanship, decency, and there were friendships across the aisle. We were all Americans, but today there is an attempt to throw people with whom we disagree into a garbage can of once upon a time.
     Today, that is a vanished world. There is a loss of civility, a loss of decency, a loss of trust in our leaders and in their abilities to choose wise and good people to serve the public. It is a list of losses that is bitter and dangerous.
     We have lost sight of decency, of recognition of others on this earth as deserving as much as we do, the chance to live a better life, to have a dream for their children. That dream has been damaged right here due to the selfish behavior and policies of those in power. We exist now in a world of hurt and lies, of savagery and hate. Yes, hate, for that is what we are getting from the man in the Oval Office and his minions in Congress. There is a loss of a sense of country as it falls victim to the nastiness of partisanship and the philosophy of getting one over on the 'enemy'.
     I use that term purposely, enemy, for that is how we are treating fellow Americans, let alone others who wish to join us. We have lost care and concern for others, trying to take away healthcare, especially from those who never truly had it before. We try to take away funding for our schools, from those who need extra help in living their lives. We need to shout and scream to get benefits and truth, for the other side refuses to hear that truth, lies forever and a day,and just adds to the miasma of loss. Of losses so great that they are unfathomable, uncountable and I am not sure if they are even recoverable.
     Such are the losses I have felt and pondered in the middle of the night. Yes, I know that I also have much to be grateful for, but also know that many of these blessings will have a much harder path in life as they grow into adults or continue their adult lives. Why have we lost this sense of partnership, of fellow Americans, of working for the positive, of acccepting others into our community just as our 'strangers' were acccepted and allowed to blend in, become Americans.
     So you tell me - are we going to be able to recover these losses, to forge ahead and make up for lost time? Are we, or have we lost that ability? Is that a part of the bundle of losses we have accumulated? Tonite, I am not too optimistic.
     We in the world have lost much. We have all faced losses, from the loss of liberty under a growing number of nativist and authoritarian figures, to the loss of the expectation of living one's life in a peaceful and productive manner. From those being raided in their homes in the countries of Africa, to those who are chased and imprisoned for speaking the truth, to those who now face a growing loss of food security as in Venezuela, to those who have suffered great reversals in life, losses of rights they thought were theirs - including women in our country! - when and how do we make this up? Any ideas are welcome! But will they be forthcoming and more important, will they even find welcoming and willing ears and minds? Don't bet on it!