THERE ARE NO WORDS

     Last nite I caught up on a couple of shows and experienced, yes, not just saw or watched, a most powerful episode of Grey's Anatomy from late March.Ostensibly, it was the presentation of one woman's horrific experience of being raped, but it was so much more than that. I have rarely seen such acting, such strong presentations of emotions, of meaning, of messaging. The messages are so direly needed in today's times, a time when we should not be needing them, a time when these primitive expressions of power, for it is not sex, but power, that rape is, albeit expressed in one of the most hurtful ways possibe.
     Rape is increasingly used as a weapon of war. It is used to demonstrate dominance over another, to put women and the groups they belong to "in their place" and worse, to purposely force women to bear the children of rape and herein we have a huge piece of the problem.
     The story of a doctor trying to find her roots, why she was left abandoned at five days old, helpless to avoid an awful and painful life, filled with abuse and danger, and discovering that she was a child of rape. One could only sit there, mouth agape, eyes wet, as two women, one raped, and the other the child of that rape, talked at and finally with each other. We felt the anguish of both, the impossiblity of meshing their emotions, their personal consequences, the inability to provide justice for either of them and for any of the thousands upon thousands of women who face these issues. In fact, they are not issues. They are facts. They are awful and horrible facts. They are played down by men, even by women who cannot fathom the depth of the emotions, the depth and cruelty of the invasion that these women have faced, the damage totheir souls through no fault of their own.
     And that is yet another piece of this horrendous experience. Women, the victims, are blamed for the rape. They "asked" for it, we are told. They are told. Their kits are either not taken or taken with the attitude of yet another rape perpetrated upon their bodies and souls, or taken and placed on some shelf in some back room somewhere, ignored, until the shouting of so many women are finally heard.
     A woman enters the hospital, confused, wounded, in pain, obviously suffering, and in denial as to why she is there. She is in great pain, physical and emotional, yet so worried about how she would be presented as a victim. With her, from beginning to end, is the woman, the doctor, who discovered she is a child of rape.
     The emotions, the fear, generated by the presence of a man, any man, is so powerful that it overwhelms us, the viewers, the intruders upon this scene. We see the hallway lined with women, all sizes, shapes, ages, colors, employment, so that this woman will not have to undergo the fright and terror she presently feels at the sight of a man.
      Power beyond words. Words not necesssary.  And yet, words are necessary, for the rights of women to not undergo this horror, the need for men to understand what it is that they are doing, allowing, yes, allowing this to continue and writing it off as just another thing that cannot be controlled is so very wrong.
     Women are not chattel, though there continues to be many countries of the world where this is indeed the case. And think not that the USA is immune to this, for there are still cases of underage marriage, of sexual and physical abuse of women of all ages and social class, for they are actually almost incidental victims of the crime, of the motivation of the men - to demonstrate power over another; to demonstrate their contempt for others; to demonstrate their 'manliness'. There is a reason why the Handmaid's Tale is so powerful a book and show. There is a reason why the fight for choice is so real and not just for reasons of sex.
     A person's body is that person's body and no other's. There is no more reason to force a woman to carry a fetus till birth, especially if that fetus is a result of rape, of unwelcome sexual congress, unviable and incompatible with life after birth, or simply unwanted, unable to be cared for after completion of the process, especially as society at present makes no real attempt to help these struggling women and these children after birth. 
     That is the hypocrisy of it all, the hypocrisy of the supposed 'pro-life' people. No, they are not pro life, for with their very actions they are encouraging the destruction of the lives of so many, the woman, the fetus, the family of the woman,and the rights of society. Why is it okay to allow a man to father a child upon an unwilling woman, allowed to deny her a choice, deny her birth control, threaten her and the doctor with shame and stigma and even prison terms? Why?
    Why are we now headed back to the times of back alley abortions, of self inflicted wire hanger abortions that lead to death and permanent damage? Why are we once again driving to destroy the independence of women? Why are we still having men, from high school through armed forces through business offices still making up rape lists and sex visons and torment they wish to inflict upon women in their lives - known and unknown? Why? Why?
     I can find no answers. All I know is that this must change. This must be understood for its reality, the truth of what it is, and the importance of teaching girls and women that they do not have to absorb this without words, without help, without protection. Men and boys must understand the truth of rape, what it is and why it is wrong, why any sexual abuse, physical abuse, is verboten!!
      There are three times in my life when I faced improper sexual behavior by men. Once was at fourteen when two boys, older boys, I was working with at a day camp, exposed themselves to me. At first I had no idea what the hell was going on, and when I did, I ran out, not understanding why this hapened, why or what I had done to encourage this. The truth - I had done nothing. This was the arrogant and needy attempt of these two boys to demonstrate their power over another.
     The second was on an almost empty train car, going from work to school as a freshman college student, and a man pulled out his junk , pointed it at me, and began to rub. Thankfully, the next station was right there and I ran out, waited for the next train.
     The third time was when a prominent person of the community displayed improper behavior during times of meetings. The name and the profession are not important, only the fact that it does not matter - age, class, ethnicity - it is simply a demonstration or attempt to demonstrate power over another, over women, and to do so in a most violent and damaging manner. I was lucky that I was able to remove myself from this person's sphere, and thus protect myself, but what of others?
     Until people all over the world recognize this, recognize that it is wrong to control another, to have rights over another's physical being, wrong to use rape as a weapon of war, wrong to force a woman to carry to term any unwanted fetus, but especially one created by vice, not virtue! - a fetus of incest and rape - until that happens, until men can understand the harm, the forever lasting harm, the forever lasting consequences - until that time, there will be the need for more of these TV episodes. Shamefully so, for we have fallen into the wrong place here, so very wrong place.
     May none of us ever know such agony, such desecration and may all of us know that there is a sisterhood of women out there to help, to stand with us, and there are some good men who understand this, or at least approach understanding, but every time one snickers at a crude joke, every time one excuses the disgusting behavior of men, i,e, men such as Trump, every damn time, another soul dies.
     There are no words.