I cannot sleep. I have tried some pills, carefully, as there are complicating factors, but they really do not work. Not for me. Perhaps the pains and aches from a bad fall share in the blame. Or the worrying that I do, not so much for us, but for the kids. Or the sad state of affairs when to fly to see and hug the kids in physical reality is a life decision, a truly existential area of thought.
But I believe that a growing grief at the current existence of ours, the raging unknowns, of major and minor concerns, all that make up life today, is a major factor in sleeplessness. I find us increasingly in the position of living as the stranger in a strange land, life having changed so much that the landscape itself has changed. Good? Bad? A mix of both? There are things to be said on both sides of the issue.
Does anyone truly recognize America any longer? We have a certified lunatic at the helm of a sinking ship. He is a man who has made it very clear that one either marches behind him in lockstep, with no room for a millimeter of dissension or disagreement, or one faces figurative disappearance from life. One is insulted. One is threatened. One is lied about, to the point of being accused of irrational and impossible crimes. One is driven to the point of such confusion, dismay, bewilderment, that one cannot sleep.
How did we ever reach this point? When was it that we began to self divide to live in worlds of our own creation, much of which has lost touch with reality? Or is it that the reality has changed around us so drastically that our norms of behavior and thoughts seem so weirdly off?
When did it become okay, even approved of, to clamp down on the free media of our nation? When did it become, that so unamerican a pursuit, to be led by that same lunatic in the White House, the one who has cowed people so much brighter than he is or ever was? He is a man who is great only in his cesspool of a mind and in the increasingly fetid minds of his backers as they slowly but surely lose their tethers to reality? When did espousing the truth, the search for it, the publication of it, become so replete with fault and even a growing terror of its consequences? When? Why? How?
We have allowed this to happen. So now we are the aliens who have landed on a planet that is so familiar to us, seemingly a duplicate of our old home on Earth before we ruined it, and yet, and yet, and yet, there is something different. Where are the people? Where is the hustle and bustle of daily life? Why is there such a thunderous silence in the streets of the cities? Where are the hikers of walking paths, the musicians of life? Where is the laughter of children, the sounds that leave glitter in the air? Where has it all gone? Or, unthinkably, is this the Earth that we have returned to, actually never leaving, just not paying attention as the life on Earth changed.
Just about seven weeks ago the Jewish nation celebrated their exodus from slavery, a second chance to get its act together and become a nation, a nation of laws, of a just society, a nation to shine a light , carry a responsibility to and for the people of the world. This injunction has been carried through until today as one looks to the roles and lists of philanthropic organizations, at aid groups, at cultural institutions.
Tonight we begin a two day celebration that continues that gelling as a nation. When the Torah, a design for living a righteous and unselfish life, was handed to us, it became the guiding light, the instruction book for much of the world, in various forms and editions. But something went wrong. The words were twisted. People were killed, brutally, with this book, this gift to mankind, used as justification.
And so we have the world of today. An advanced society, or so we are told, or tell ourselves in an effort to convince ourselves of that 'factoid'. If so, then why do we still continue to have people killed for their color or national origin, for religion or no religion. Why are we in the midst of a modern day plague, one with no end in sight, with no cure, with no prevention, only the instruction to hide, to separate, to divide us even more. And that dangerous dolt in that once beautiful White House, leads the charge to demolition, ranting and raving in a bathrobe, cursing those who call him out, threatening the transfer of power after the elections, endangering us all.
No, I cannot sleep for the grief at what was once upon a time, for what could be, once upon a time. It was a landscape of stores and businesses, large and small, a place of creativity and growing pains. It was a land where thoughts were for and of other people, a growing union, was to be beheld. It was a land that looked forward to continuing its task of welcoming all to a land where one could dream, but not only dream, rather also to achieve, look towards a brighter, better future for their children.
Where has it gone? Over 100,000 dead in this country, just about a third of the world's dead. Millions infected. Hostility growing , a dangerous situation. The stock market making no sense leaping up and down, imbued with the mania of pre Black Tuesday. Truth is denied. Freedoms and rights are challenged, not so inalienable any longer. The Holy Bible, in all its manifestations, grows moldy along the byways of the nation and the world, for we no longer abide by its ideals.
Instead we have moral cowards, not brave souls willing to rush into deep waters and convince others to follow, to demonstrate faith in the Lord and ourselves. We have people who have lost their souls, sold them on the cheap, the GOP being prime examples of that. We have armed groups now trying to prevent looting, to turn aside the anger of people. We have a nation slow to feed its hungry children - here, in America!!! That is unthinkable. Totally unacceptable. And all the while we have a demented, tormented and tormenting soulless man who is ever trying, ever more desperate, to hold onto his power, to his position as President, to turn aside all threats to that desire. He rules - yes, rules- by Executive Order, trashing our government, as insane as King George III was at the time of our Revolution.
So yes, I cannot sleep. I cannot share in the joys of the holidays, for ever present, lurking in the background, are the dangers we have wrought, brought, upon ourselves. I cannot sleep, for the sadness I feel every time I think of my kids, close enough, yet so far away, and of all the grandparents in this situation, and all the children who have worries re their aging parents. I cannot sleep for fear of dying alone, a cruel, harsh death. I cannot sleep for worry over the future, for concern of all the impacted people, for all that is going on.
Till when? Well, that is the essence of it all. If anyone has an answer, please feel free to step up and tell us all. But not the answer of dictators, of oppression, of hatred. I want the joys of life back again. I want the sharing of life again. I want this for all of us.
And I want all of us to Be Well and Stay Safe, but.....can I truly do that, say that, and be assured of its possibility? And I so want to sleep.
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