What a nice weekend. The days were quiet, barely any crisis around that needed immediate fixing, a time for reading, for idle chat, for finishing odds and ends of projects and preparing for a new one, and meeting with friends. Nice. Simple. Enjoyable. Did not solve the problems of the world nor pay much attention to it, and therein one finds the guilt.
With so many people at desperate ends, money all gone, pantry shelves bare, food pantries limiting distribution, cold hitting all over with shelter at a premium to find and be safe, education in a huge crisis situation and how to deal with it unanswered, there I was, puttering around, laughing, accomplishing not much of anything, other than having a really nice weekend. So paint me guilty. I guess I deserve it, but still and all, it was a weekend that I needed - to refresh my soul and recharge my spark plugs.
Last night, while doing the last minute things that all women find to do before finally turning in, I wondered what had happened to me. How could I not have paid attention to the stimulus crisis. How could I not have paid attention to the ridiculous crisis of a game of chicken Trump was playing. He could give a damn re the amount of a check. He was simply continuing to play out his insane and dangerous attempts to cause troubles before he finally exits stage left. Can't happen a second too soon for me, for the country, for the world.
So how did I ignore all this all weekend? Yes, peripherally I knew it was there, even commented a bit in a conversation, but really..... And I finally got it. I had enough of that man and the hypocrites of the GOP. I had enough of their sudden ability, their rediscovered ability, to say no, to criticize Trump, even as he continued, as was said, to cheer "for an undemocratic coup". Finally! Finally someone else was warning us, using the word coup, of an attempt to overthrow the government of this nation.
I needed a break. We all need a break. But this is not really the time to take a break, for until this man is gone from office, until he does not have the power of the Presidency in his hands, until he is physically out of the WH, until that moment, there is no safety for us. No haven for us. And even when gone, unless he and his abettors are punished, tried and convicted and jailed, he especially, until that happens, we are in danger of showing others of his ilk that rebellion and overthrow of government is possible. Just have to refine the methodology a tad and there ya' go!!
So, back to the news. Back to that dangerous ass of a man. Back to cursing out the legislators who failed to uphold their responsibilities. Back to wondering when, if ever, the vaccine will be coming my way, wondering, with this infection and death rate, if I will be able to keep hiding from it, survive until I do get that elusive vaccine! Oy, where's my paintbrush? My sander?
Folks, we are all tired, so deep bone tired. There is an enormous feeling of a kind of relief that this year will be over in three days. Yet, honestly, really, does a turn of the page of a calendar mean anything other than remembering to change the date if we write a letter or check? Or celebrate another year of age? Really and truly, does that matter at all or is there something unseen that will arise. Perhaps a feeling of hope, of optimism. Perhaps a feeling that despite the awful winter we are being warned of, of the awful numbers of dead that will rise, perhaps, just perhaps, there is a tiny slit of light appearing a long way down the tunnel, but nevertheless, there it is. I hope so. I hope we change our behavior. I hope those hopelessly lost and misguided Trumpers find their way back from their darkness. They seem to now want the vaccine whereas before they were thorough Trumpian anti-vaxxers.
Perhaps, just perhaps... Perhaps this country will find its path to its center again, to balance itself, to be unto the world what it was meant to be. I plead guilty of taking the weekend off. However, mitigating circumstances prevailed. Without that break, a sanity break, I, and all others cannot continue to fight this battle. So, not guilty! Ready to get back on that horse until I finally can put it back in the corral for good.
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