THE GNOMIC PANDEMIC

  We all concentrate on or about the larger items of life. We speak of large bills to be paid. We speak of the huge problems waiting for solutions. We speak grandly of world issues, of national issues, but I have a theory. It is the Gnomic Pandemic. See, I find that the large problems end up getting attention, some solution or compromise is found, mashed together, but the little issues, uh uh. There they remain to bug the hell out of us for years to come, perhaps for all eternity for all I know!

Think of it. Somewhere there is a kingdom of gnomes. At the right age they begin training. How to be the most annoying gnome is the goal of this kingdom. At the very least, even the most uncreative one receives a job. Be the little gnome inside a head that cannot lose that headache. Just bang away - tap, tap, tap and the reverberations echo all day long, well into the night. No analgesic helps for it is a participant of the Gnomic Pandemic, nothing else.

Where else do these gnomes live? How do they eat away at our inner peace? Everywhere and everything is open to them. The gnome who changes the light to red just as you get there. The gnome who controls that old dude at the counter ahead of you, asking a thousand questions, all at the highest level of sound. The decibels carom from side to side inside your head, even as you stand there, shifting from one leg to the other, trying to avoid losing your place in line though that need is urgent - and where is that bathroom anyway!!!

Or how about the gnome who is always and forever stealing the notepads on the counters? Or the relative who just loves to drain the ink in every pen you own. Or the truly annoying one who starts the little unnoticeable rip in that plastic bag from the market and by the time you reach your car -RIP!!! Ahhhh - there goes the milk. There go the eggs.

The Gnomic Pandemic.

All these petty annoyances add up, squeezing the juice out of life making us wonder why we continually have this streak of tiny bad luck items that aggravate us so needlessly, so uselessly. Why is that traffic light always red? Why do you get stuck behind some huge double semi truck in a no passing zone that goes on forever. Just when you really need to get home or get to work 'cause if you are late again, that boss......

But wait. The 'best' awaits us, for the best gnome each year, the most creative one, the inventor of the most productive annoying gnomic intervention in life wins the prize. The prize? Aw, c'mon - you gotta' know better than that. Even the biggest dummy, the most unaware person in the world knows where the biggest, most efficient and dedicated gnome lives. You don't? You should, for the evidence is clear. Who speaks with a mouthful of lies and convoluted sentence construction, so twisted that nothing makes sense? Still no clue? Yoicks! You must have the gnome in charge of ignorance banging away inside that skull of yours.

Here is a clue. 'The numbers will show the truth, the HUGE numbers of the HUGE FRAUD and on and on, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. Aha! That rang a bell? Yes, the Gnome who wins the Best Gnomic Intervention Prize each year, a tiny gold hammer, gets to vacation inside that just about empty head of Donald Trump. A bang every so often does the trick, for there is so much empty space there that one bang lasts for hours as it careens and careers for hours. The Gnome Kingdom laughs all the day long as the crazed humans, already nuts from constant Gnomic Interference, allow that King of Emptiness to sway them in every aspect of their lives. Clearing the way for more gnomes to have jobs, for more creative thinking, always trying to get one up on the other.

The losers? Us, of curse. My personal gnome is banging away at the headache node right now. Such energy I wish I could have, but never you mind, for I am sure that another gnome will come along with a better gnomic intervention. What, you ask. Nope, I ain't giving any gnome any ideas. Perhaps they will go away, find your head instead of mine or perhaps they will vacation inside Donald's vacant space head. There they can relax for a while - and so could the rest of the world if we finally did what must be done. 

What, you ask again. Dear Lord!! Put that man away. "Lock him up!" to use his own language and chant. A crook, a criminal from day one, the man has no use outside the prison walls. Indeed, he serves us better, a lesson to all, if he is inside those walls. That is what happens to a criminal. What a lesson for the kids after these past few years. A pandemic of COVID has nothing on the pandemic of the Gnomes, the Pandemic of Stupidity and Cupidity that overwhelmed us during Trump's term in office.

So let us rid ourselves of the Gnomes. Let us vaccine and booster away at all Pandemics. You know, the one that Trump denied would ever happen as he dismantled the apparatus to deal with such an event and here we are. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tapping away. Enough already.