WHICH END IS UP?

  One AM in the morning, dizzy from jet lag, medicine mess-ups and just plain mammothly overtired state of being, I am truly not so sure right now what end is which! How to convert time changes to medicine timing without going down for the count? Which language to use as I spoke to the personnel in the airport in Hebrew, wishing them "Yom Tov" - a good day. Their new go to goodbye. Fair enough though I remain a fan of Boker Tov or Erev Tov - using the times of the day. Oh well, easily adjustable, no biggie.

Israel is jammed. Politicians on our dime taking their trips. Evangelical missions. Religious groupings of other denominations. I have even been told that I am lucky, blessed even, for when the 'enemy' comes for Israel, the Lord will send down His armies of angels and the world will be saved. Halevai!! if only. Not too sure right now what G-d thinks of His people, His world. Apparently, I am in august company as I am also not too sure of G-d's thoughts right now, and frankly, anyone who claims to know so and acts upon that supposed 'surety' of knowledge, is either just plain nuts or well on the way, or benighted, the poor thing, or has malevolent motivation behind statements and actions. In the meanwhile, Israel keeps trundling along, fighting enemies of their own making in the Knesset, dealing with outside hostility towards them, takes in strides the new rapport with some Arab states, and sigh as once again there will be yet another election. Five in three years. And most assuredly not done yet! And life goes on. Yes!!

Then I come 'home' last night? Yesterday morning? Today? Not quite sure. All I know is that I have to rip apart luggage and distribute all the goodies to their proper destinations. Fed Ex here we come! And now back to the original issue - when do I take my meds and and should I remain up, hopefully vertical and steady, or do I try to fiddle around with timing and hope I get it right. Not making or taking any bets here, folks.

Next. What is going on in the country, as America and its myriad issues seemed so far away for close to two weeks. The question of whether to take the bullet train to Tel Aviv vs. a cab, door to door, that is what occupies my thinking. Should we eat out or in? New restaurant or old favorite? When to say goodbye to our family and friends, especially our newly found family? When do we come back? In fact, why are we leaving?

As if the entire state of Israel could read my rather cluttered mind, I kept hearing the word Habayta  to home, the home. Was I indeed leaving what should be, what we had long ago planned to be our home or am I going home when I return to the USA? Do I give up on America, my home indeed for lo these many a year, home to my family who came as immigrants, allowing them to build a future? To be safe from rampaging bloodthirsty mobs? Where do I belong?

That question, that dichotomy of thought, takes up permanent living space within my heart and soul. Who am I? I am a once proud American, native to the country patriot, believer in its principles, and trusting, at least to a degree, those who have been elected to office. That they will have a modicum of sense and responsibility to realize their job is not to promote a Party. Nor a person and cult. Only to serve the people, with disagreement, but also with civility and understanding of the truth of the bottom line. Once, I truly believed that and trusted in it. So, I found out, much to my dismay, that I was a fool - and now the question is whether I remain a fool, content to remain so, fool myself into thinking there remains hope or do I face reality, see the hopelessness, and act and decide accordingly?

I hear the echoes of Robin Williams calling out, "Good morning, America!" Does anyone hear that clarion call, that need to pay attention? That need, so urgent, to pick ourselves out of wherever we have buried our love of country, our optimism, our opposition to fascists? Be they foreign or homegrown, a fascist remains one and must be approached that way. Never mind what they once were or professed. It is what they are doing and saying do now, what words issue forth from their false tongues and mouths. It is what they have turned their backs to and what they espouse now.

How do we trust politicians who refuse to obey the law, who shout with frightening masks of hatred in once august chambers? Graham - what a hypocritical creep, a danger to the country. Boebert, Goehmer, Perry, Scott, Johnson, Cruz, Goetz, AOC, Manchin, DeSantis, Greene, Omar, Tlaib, and why does this list grow apace, their owners, their daring to publicly flaunt others, to brag and boast of their poisonous beliefs.

Campaigning on cancellation of the DACA program. Ripping the right of choice and self-decision from women and what will now ensue? Mandating birth, no matter the cause or consequence, and then cutting social safety nets to raise these children? What the Hell!! Herschel Walker pans absentee fathers even as he denies and neglects three of his own!! Graham refusing a subpoena, defying clear law and responsibility, clear duty as a 'leader', G-d help us!!

A Supreme Court which bears a growing resemblance to an Inquisition tribunal. Threats and spells and accusations. Rabid religious leaders shouting so hard they deafen the very ears of parishioners, harden their hearts, turning them to stone as they are coaxed, urged, pushed, threatened into acceptance of truly weird and dangerous thinking.

Running on " on a platform of "Jesus, Guns and Babies," . Then we have a ringing, oh so justified and righteous call raging for the destruction of a monument calling it Satanic, whoo boy! Are my antennae up and quivering madly.

When a country begins to emphasize one religion, to rule a country with and by religion, impose those views on other religions, forget the separation of Church and State, well, as an American, and as a Jew, with long racial, historical genetic memories of hurt, of death of danger - I am scared. Right out of any place of confidence or trust. Yes, there are good people out there who will protest, who will aid, who will fight - but are there enough?

That answer is historically proven be a true and resounding, 

 NO!!

 Yes, I am a Jew.

Yes, I take pride in my heritage.

No, I do not trust the majority of you to do right by me, mine and history. Or even yourselves.

Convince me otherwise - if you can, if you care, if you agree. Or do you agree with the opposition choice?

Examine your soul, your heart, your gut and your brain. Deep and true.