WHEN

  If you are a reasonably sane person, especially in this crazed world of ours, then you, as I do, wish one day to open your eyes after a good night's sleep and find that the past decade has been an awful nightmare, a rendering of a country that might be, a warning, as many dreams are. Dreams often indicate, when our guard is down, what is bothering us, personal and otherwise. Perhaps we need to pay more attention to this national nightmare of ours which actually has been revealed as a living daymare, an ongoing, ever growing, ever more worrisome daymare of critical import. 

Every morning, every night, I painfully check the news. What is happening? What has happened overnight or just revealed about yesterday's ongoing? How bad is it? Yes, I do not expect any longer to see positive, reassuring news, for even the so called 'good' news derives from bad news. It is a constant atmosphere of dread and concern, of distrust as to the future of this nation and the individuals within. 

Fighting foreign wars shrinks when compared to the horrific image of waging domestic wars, real, live, bloody fighting, here on home grounds. Between Americans and former Americans who have turned to the dark side, followed the wrong leaders, chosen to abdicate responsibility and control over their own lives. Totally and completely. Actively and/or passively. The result is the same, the complicity the same degree of guilt.

Truly, though I am known to express my opinion, popular or not, I wish I could write bubblegum and fairy tale blogs. Some do, maintaining they are contributing to an easing of the tension of this country. Perhaps. Gloom and doom do need a contrast if one is to remain sane. However, ignoring reality, denying its connection and relevance to one's life, to the lives of nearest and dearest is a sham, for one cannot outrun life. Even the most hidden, off the grid, loner or survivalist can expect to be discovered, for there is no denying nor escaping reality at some point or other. Many times, too late to undo the resultant damages of omission and commission. We are forced to eat the cake we have baked and find, to our horror, that it is sawdust, not a sugary, chocolatey confection.

That growing pile of sawdust is ever more dangerous, teetering and tottering, off balance with a constant dumping of more. More than ever before. We can stop it - I hope, but the road is difficult, the slopes almost vertical, the effort required massive, almost too much to contemplate.

Yes, while we can look out there and sniff contemptuously or angrily, seek to lay blame on the culprits - Trump, Barr - even as he pontificates now, though up tohis neck in filthy enablement, McConnell who hides now, mumbling some excuse, all the fascists in the Senate and the House who have cut their ties with democracy and America. All the Johnny comes lately who have refused to accept the truth until it is impossible to ignore, with screaming headlines, horrific in possibilities for both present and future -as well as a rewritten past. Unfortunately, the possibilities are almost innumerable, the causes many, though we overlook the one closest to us - the person reflected back at us via the mirror.

Top secret documents, held in boxes, mixed with personal records. Indignation not that the wrong, the evil, has been uncovered, but that people actually did their job, refused to accept faulty speechmaking claiming lifetime rights in a presidential role though manifestly not one. Should never have been one. That is upon us, folks. We invited this man into the White House, foolishly or maliciously, it does not matter for there he was and thinks he continues to be and doing his damndest  to get back there. A clear and present danger to this country. I repeat: a clear and present danger.

Most depressingly, as I look around, read the stories, hear the quiet but firm expositions of legal experts, from right to left, I despair. Almost to a one, there is agreement that the judge is, shall we say, not of the highest caliber nor intelligence, answered two questions re her qualifications at a fake hearing - has she ever been guilty or associated with sexual problems and behavior. Really thinking too hard re Kavanaugh and the ever-present creep, Thomas? Where have we gone? How did we get here, to this tragic, dangerous farce of a free, independent, nonpartisan justice system? What a sad joke on us. 

Her legal basis is faulty, misspoken and misquoted, her language so partisan that it fairly shouts out at us. What a great system. Do the crime and then get someone to say uh, uh. Accusing and prosecuting such crime might be harmful to the criminal's reputation!!! Is she for real? The orphan pleading for sympathy as an orphan though he himself killed his parents?   "mindful of the need to ensure at least the appearance of fairness and integrity under the extraordinary circumstances presented.'" A sickening farce, a contemptuous attitude towards the relevancy of courts, their inability to withstand incompetence and downright dangerous partisanship, active acquiescence to the entire gestalt of this disturbing affair. How backwards we have traveled. To our shame. To our detriment. Much to our own self-induced, self-created, self-enabled peril.

So as the man continues to ply his filthy, guilty pathways, parades a Melania lookalike with him, over fifty years age difference, gag, as he boasts re his wonderful status as a "perfect physical" specimen - and excuse me while I barf - we are presently at an impasse. Will he be indicted? Will he ever do the time for the crime? Will we, America, prove true to our ethos or will we fall down on the job, abdicate responsibility, and finish the Age of America, a mere faded imitation of the Age of Greece, or the Age of Rome, or the Age of Hitler, the Age of Putin? Where are we in our responsibilities? Where the hell are we!!!

Where, when and how will this be overcome? Can we overcome the accumulated harm, the strong rerooting of bias and hatred, the fake right to do so, the restriction of rights to those we deem inferior to us? Will we? If so, please, please tell me when? When!!!