Okay, so glancing at the lady in the mirror as I pass by, I see already today's weather. Gray skies, no matter if the sun is shining or not. Gray indeed. Why? Who the hell knows. Could be that this morning I looked at the pill container and realized yet another week has gone by, another dose of hundreds of pills and the need once again to fill it up. I try to ignore the horse sized pills requiring their own solitary ingestion and the teeny tiny ones that get lost in the crevices of the mouth and throat, dissolving within, leaving behind a majorly gross taste! Yup, a better life through chemistry, right?!
I know, I truly know and understand that I should not whine, be appreciative of modern medicine which keeps me going, ticking, in the land of myriad problems, but still. Can't a gal whine just a tad, at infrequent intervals, and get away with it? Just on the days I feel a kinship with those rusted out dumpster bins that Waste Pro is forever replacing. You think others see it the same way? Hmmm, I wonder.
Yes, I also know and understand that everyone has a package and whenever calculating, measuring, comparing, one ends up stating "Think I'll keep my package." But so what? That is along the line of "Eat your dinner because the children in China are starving." I bet most of us were told that at some point in our childhood. But so what. Send them the food there, but for sure my eating it -does not help them at all! Better yet, put the young daughter of Kim on a food sharing plan with some of her starving contemporaries. Ha! Never happen!
Shared misery, knowing others are in the same leaky rowboat truly does not make one happy. How could it when it just is more misery piled on atop other misery. Truly, no sane person will rejoice to know others share the pain and hoorah!! I am not alone." But yes, one is, for at times that pain is all there is, consuming all in its path, shutting down all attempts to comfort.
Certainly, some of you are saying, what an ungrateful woman. Her grandson has cancer, and she whines about herself! No, the whines include Yitzy, for it is manifestly damningly unfair that he suffer this way. Just beginning to live life, to formulate early thoughts and plans for his future, planning another great baseball league season, and wham! Reduced to nausea and major discomfort, life interrupted, time in chemo and a hospital bed rather than in a classroom. So unfair for this sweet child to face an adult's battle. So grossly unfair and part of my whine, a large part, is not understanding why Yitzy over me, a trade I would do in a heartbeat -even less than that. G-d never takes me up on that deal.
Yes, I, we, are ever so grateful for the prayers, the wishes to help in any way, to share our pain but nope, not today. Today I will be miserable all by myself, maybe even making some other poor person just a tad more miserable too. Sorry for that, but what do they say? Misery loves company? Actually, that is incorrect. When I am miserable I prefer my own company. No one to lecture me, to remind me of my blessings, of the kids, of that delicious gift of a great grandson whose laughter is contagious, whose joy in life is so apparent. I know all that, to the last cell and diatom of my body, but today - today, I whine.
For sure I will ignore the news today for there is not one good thing going on. Ukraine demolished in the face of a monster who refuses to go away. China sharing that monster's plans. Mutual insanity. The world imploding with environmental damage almost impossible to reverse. An Israel defying its mandate, its history and the charge to chase justice. Tzedek,tzedek tirdof.
Yes, it is an uphill battle for survival, a very steep uphill at that, but we must take a look around and see the truth, act to improve the life of all and open the eyes of the world to the truth they refuse to acknowledge.
Here in America, or the remnant of America, we need to accept the truth as well. We have enabled, supported, the growth of ugliness here. The bias and hatred are more and more out in the open, more violent. Worse, the very ones sworn to defend the Republic are the very ones actively engaged in destroying it.
Nope, it is a day of whining for me -and ice cream too. One day to self-indulge. To reacclimate, to regain encouragement and hope.
To know that the prayers for Yitzy are ongoing.
HEAL THE WORLD.
HEAL YITZY!
Yitzchak Elimelech ben Chana Sarah
May he be granted refuah shelaymah bimheyrah beyameinu.
May he be granted a timely and complete healing.
May Hashem hear all our voices raised in prayer.
Amen. Amen.
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