So goes the line from Madonna's song, Like a Prayer. If you have not seen the song in its Koolulam production, to be found on YouTube, stop - find it. Powerful in the emotions it conveys, in voices from around the world, it is a must. In any case, during the moments of waking this morning, that line - "Oh G-d I think I'm falling" surfaced in my mind and I wondered, why, why now, why these words upon waking?
I thought, sitting on my bed, that perhaps it was a message to me from me. What am I thinking? What exactly am I dreaming? What dreams left behind this remnant? Why? A firm believer in the power and significance of dreams I determined to find the meaning, its relevance to me.
These times demand a faith in something, or one is lost within the maelstrom of off the track maneuverings, deep in its difficulties, the end not too clearly in sight nor in possibility. War is one of the worst catastrophes of mankind and sadly, tellingly, it is a manmade disaster, created, instigated, used by one side to wreak havoc and terror, deep horror and unbearable grief, on its selected target opponent. Then in cynical calculation, it uses that self-instigated war and the inevitable consequences as a weapon to garner sympathy for themselves. Blaming the attack and the dire results upon the enemy, undeserved, so wrong, they elicit misplaced sympathy from the gullible, from the hate filled, from the one always and forever the advocate of Jew hatred and antizionism.
Hence, the world is turned over on its aching challenged and abused head. Then there appears that haunting line: "Oh, G-d, I think I'm falling." Falling we are, deep into a chasm unbridgeable, massive chaos and mayhem within, simply impossible to comprehend. No time to stop and think as the immediacy of the moments of war demands action, reaction, STAT!
Its violence, its gory colors of war mesmerize any nearby, as snaky scaled arms reach out to catch onto and drag in its new captives, unwary of imminent danger, of the power of chaos to overcome all, dashing more lives, spilling more blood. The awful cycle just grinds on, ever voracious for more intake, more victims, relishing their anguish, feeding upon the agony engendered. No time to think, merely only, the time to react, to fall upon instincts not always correct. It takes two, actually many more than two, to STOP! THINK! UNDERSTAND!
It is then that I comprehend that iconic line: "Oh G-d I think I'm falling", for indeed I am. Indeed, the entire world is. We are falling into vast pits of depression, of crippling anxiety, unable to function as we struggle to manage the oft times of overwhelming fear of a future once bright, now painted in shades of red and black, rent by screams of agony and pain, of grief beyond any previously felt. Does this ever end? Can it end with any hope remaining with which to build any future, to repair and heal the wounds, and cover the scars? Can we find a sense of renewal, a possibility of redemption? Or are we finally tending the last signature on the last letter of resignation? And who is resigning - us or the Lord?
Think about that. Think deep, think honestly. Was there, is there, no other way? Is there any viability in trying to return, reroute, find a better choice at a crossroad? Is there any semblance of a hope, thin as it might be?
I have no clue. All I see around me is a growing darkness threatening further growth, unstoppable. I see and hear the roars of rampaging, hate filled crowds, mobs, out for blood, real and symbolic. I see accusations of murder. I see victims blamed for their own captivity and death. I see a world forgetting the innocents, shifting the blame for war on those who were attacked, away from those who do not now appreciate the defeats they are facing. They refuse to face the truth of their egregious wrongdoings and revamp the accounts. And the world plays along, with celebrities uncloaking their antisemitism, now out there, loud and proud. With professors instilling hate within their students, most of the professors of Arab and/or Moslem background. Seen are cowardly administrations unwilling to address the malevolent antisemitism on campus, the riddled atmosphere. I see children once again teased and tormented because they are Jews. I see those hurrying to deny their Jewishness in futile behavior. Worse, are survivors of the Holocaust reliving fears and actualities they once thought to have left behind. Unfortunately, not so.
Now then question again, or the answer. Who is falling? me? Others, falling into despair, into the depths of hate or are we falling into helplessness and hopelessness. Are we once again falling into a rather negative, to say the least, recycle of history? Or here's a thought - Is it G-d, calling out to Himself, - that he is falling, shocked at the depth of the hate, the negativity, the bleakness of the world, the growing red stain of rage and anger, of hate and bloodlust covering all?
Yes, who is falling, and can we stop that fall? I grow less and less hopeful, Sorry to say. One further question - is there any out there who would be willing and able to catch us?
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Yitzy, my sweet boy ever a child though truly a blessed, golden one, stay bright and shining. Keep that grin, that signature grin.
I love you - always and forever,
Always and forever.
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