How does one handle a day like today? How does one manage to mesh together feelings at extremes completely opposed to each other. The very core of my being is confused, upset, beset at each and every turn, every moment, with joy vs. sadness, with yearning vs. anger, defiance. How can one attempt such a quixotic campaign, whose ends, middles and beginnings self-cancel each other, leaving one in even more of an emotional morass than before.
In December, as my readers know, our family suffered a tragedy that will echo long into the future. It was the loss of our youngest grandson, a gem, a golden child of such unusual aptitudes, behavior, thoughts, beliefs, whose very goodness challenged the acceptance and belief in such a child.
Surely, we were exaggerating from the depths of our grief. Surely, for no one can be so special, especially at the age of 13. Yet, there it is. Attested to by so many, unknown to us, who had followed Yitzy's harsh trail, who knew him from his various fields of endeavor. Baseball. Soccer. Bird. watching. Snake discovery. Scholar. Tutor. Friend. Dispenser of kindness. An open ear and an open heart. Letters and people crowded the house of mourning and continued for long after. An entire community and beyond took the family into their hearts. Until this very day.
With courage unequaled. with care for others, with reassurances for them, Yitzy, his 'Yitziness' overwhelmed and inspired all who came into contact, who had come into contact with him. A delightful child with mischief in his eyes and grin, and now a video has been sent out. Volunteers, young and old, presenting themselves to speak to the specialness of him, of his sunshine, his heart so big as to encompass all within his belief in the innate goodness of all. To present the dedication of an entire school campus in his name and the reasons why. He was inspiring of young and old at the very tender age of 13 and the years before, never given the chance to grow up and do what he could and would have done to "fix" the world, Tikkun Olam, an obligation of every Jew. With gaping holes in our lives and our hearts, we try to understand the unfathomable. Why was he taken so prematurely? Did G-d miss him so that early recall was necessary? Was he too pure for this tainted world of ours? Only G-d has the answer, and that answer has not been forthcoming.
Once again, always again, tears roll down my cheeks in ever increasing flow as I view the video sent out re the dedication. My heart, so shattered already, shatters even more. Even in death, Yitzy remains alive in the hearts of so many, inspiring to so many. A school. A street. A Torah.
Why, G-d, why? Why? WHY?
At the other end, today is the birthday of my Pop, my beloved, wonderful father. He too was a man of honor and unusual goodness and kindness, an anonymous donor to those in need who never knew who it was who aided them in that harsh moment in their lives. He respected learning, always yearned for more. He loved to argue, debate, a man who was as he presented himself. No airs or false pride. A man who continues to inspire my life as I try to live up to his example. He is one of the wisest, straight arrow people I have ever known. His guiding principle in life was from the Bible. "Tzedek, Tzedek tirdof". Justice, charity are the goals to which one should aspire.
We know, the family, that these two souls, with shared love of mischief, will also share the concern over the rampant ugliness of the Jew hatred permeating the world below. They will take him to task re His apparent negligence of His people and their woes, of the perils of the Earth, His Creation. Here is a hint, Lord. Do what they ask, for persistent they are and persistent they will remain.
The elephant in the room remains not unseen, but rather visible. What is the future of Jewry? What, if any, is the future of Jews in America? I can see before me the anxiety of people wondering, is it past time? Should we have left long ago? Have we left it too late? But what is left if we remain? All I, and so many others, Jew and non-Jew, can see are two non-acceptable choices. One. the hand of authoritarianism wrapped around our neck, strangling our breath or on the other side an incompetence of glaring visibility. A closet gradually exposing its inner contents -of hate and danger. Antisemitism is front and center, positioned to be first horse out of the gate.
Why and wherefore is it written that Jews are to be an eternal target for haters. What is the matter with humanity that stresses the evil and discards the good by the wayside, to drown, to disappear in the muck and mud of the ditches. Unfathomable and persistent. An ugly combination.
Whence do we go from here? When will the world cry for our dead, for our lost, convinced and recognizing of legitimate grief? When will it realize simple truths. i.e. - this is not the Israeli War on Gaza. Rather it is the war of Gaza waged upon Israel and the citizens of Gaza. Who incidentally, in today's pictures, yet again, show no signs of starvation! When will the world discard violence as a legitimate weapon? When will the world understand that violence is not free speech? When - if ever.
A happy day, a bittersweet day, and a most hateful day. All in the same day.
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Yitzy, no extra words to say as they are written above. Just know that we love you-
Always and forever. Always and forever.
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