A paradox is a situation or statement or event that seemingly cannot exist at the same time, self-contradictory. Yet there are many such paradoxical moments. So how to explain? Some explanations wander into the realm of "get me out of here" territory replete with advanced gobbledygook of scientific, mathematical and philosophical arenas. Those are best left to the experts of those fields. However, there is a paradox which contains at least one aspect which takes place often, even several times a day. It cannot be, yet it is, so how to explain it?
Beats me. All I know is that it does exist, and we have all undergone it multiple times throughout our lives, whether we like it or not. That paradox is one of Time. Two people standing in the same room at the same moment in the same universe experiencing the same event even as one feels the wings of Time beating frantically alongside, all the while the other feels the drag of heavy weights forcing Time to slow down. One will complete the experience with a good feeling while the other finishes it in a condition known as “wet dish rag”.
It seems impossible, for Time is a measurable quantity. It can be measured exactly. Well, yes and no, for another value enters the fray, and that is the idea of relative assessment or relationship. How is that experience relevant to the person? That relevance will take the same 10 minutes and at one and the same time it is both a forever moment and a fleeting moment, experienced so differently that one could question what just happened. The clearly observable start and finish of the event was of almost negligible import.
Here is an example of such a contradictory time. The time involved was, is, measurable, quantifiable, yet those who lived those Time parameters felt its passing quite differently. At one and the same moment. In a larger comparison body, events are more likely to have been different, thus affecting the relativeness of the passage of time, but still and all it was the same measurement of time.
57 years. 1967 to 2024. Years of bliss and anguish. Years which flew by and years which dragged. Those 57 years are my particular bubble in Time. My bubble was contained within the larger bubble or sphere of worldwide experiences during the same expanse of time. As compared to history, 57 years is not even worthy of a blink. However, for me, for Gerry - it is a lifetime, fleeting yet slow, depending upon the moment. Looking back perhaps there were some moments that we would have easily changed, such as a dangerous situation for a child, or a diagnosis. During those times, it was both fleeting and slow as a stream of molasses. However, even those moments contributed to the world of those 57 years, and one cannot easily discard any content of that bubble, for then it would have been a different experiencing of Time contained within those 57 years.
57 years of marriage after 5 years of meeting each other in high school, getting to know each other, growing with each other. Looking back into the past I see myself on the day of the wedding. Getting my hair done. Then going home to open my books and complete an assignment for the new sophomore year of college. Not getting too much done, I finally decided it was time to make the final preparations. Get dressed, tweak it here and there, admire the tiara, and worry if all would be OK. No unseen mishaps. And then, even as the day dragged on, awaiting the moments to come, it paradoxically passed by in a flash.
I do remember vividly the 12 minutes of transportation from home to synagogue and catering hall. It was so quick. No sooner had I shut the door then the door was opened. And out came the bride. Me. What was I doing? Just 19 years old, Gerry just 21. What did we know of life, of the responsibilities, of the necessity to grow together? The risk of growing separately, apart. How does one mesh life so intimately, so interlocked with another, yet retain one's individuality. All these questions ran through my mind during that interminably long passage from home to wedding site. If we truly, as Jim Croce sings, can save time in a bottle what would I have saved? And what would I have discarded? Or would I value it all? In that paradoxical moment, of a long, long moment, Time ran swiftly by.
Looking back, I believe I would have kept it all. I now know the answers to my questions and the answers are good. Very good. Gerry and I are both one and the same, yet different. Over the years we have often switched roles, allowing one person to be foremost in sight and at other times, changing those positions. Always supportive of each other. We have raised three beautiful children who are contributing to the world, who epitomize the mitzvah of Tikkun Olam, to mend the world. To aid those in need. Yes, there were moments and times I wondered where these changelings had come from -moments of long and short duration, serious and comical, the long and the short of it all.
Both successful in our careers, we did so with the shoulders of the other, always there, always strong for each other. We helped each other -sometimes whether we wanted that help or not. Now those were the moments long indeed! But paradoxically, they too, went by swiftly and were of no account in that long and short haul. Of course, all those contradictory moments paid off as we welcomed all the dividends and now the interest on the dividends - grandchildren and great grandchildren, a blessing immeasurable. That is the richness of the moments of life and the blessings of Time. So long yet so short.
The past year the tragic, awful never should have happened. Our sweet boy, Yitzy, was taken from us. It is a moment ever ongoing. Never to end. We wouldn't even know how to find that end of the moment. Yet the moments of his life were so tragically fleeting, way too fast.
Recent news has increased the complexities of life. Some can be and were helped. Others not so much. Fewer expectations and life plans undergoing much revision. Long and short, slow and fast, at the same time. Dreams, for one must always have dreams, shared dreams. The moments, the time, the discussions long time ongoing and at the end of it all, so short in time to make that decision. Once the decision was made it seemed we had long moments to fulfill it. But those long moments were so fleeting that the moment of fruition is just about upon us. A dream of 57years - to make Aliyah.
That was the dream, is the dream. To make Aliyah, “going. up” to live in Israel. To our property in Israel, to be part and parcel mentally, emotionally, and physically. Fulfilling the dream of our parents as well. How the years have flown yet dragged until we have reached this moment, this life changing event, albeit only part time. At least one off the bucket list. It is an adventure which we approach with glee, excitement and much trepidation.
57 years. A true partner. A true best friend. One who enabled me to understand. the best of life. And how to get through the worst of it. One with whom we lived together in love and with love. A long time. 57 years. But so short in time. So much left to do, to feel, to think, to live. We hope and pray that we leave behind a legacy, a shared one, transmitted to the children from both Ima and Abba. We hope, even as we semi joke, to land in a soft landing on the other side of life. ETA's unknown, we hope they are long in coming but fleeting in joy and fulfillment. In the meanwhile, we are looking forward to 58 and 59 and 60, all that God grants us and to the troubled world.
Love you.
Happy Anniversary.
Now - where is my present!!
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