WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM ...

But not really when you think about it. This 'interruption' of my journey of self-understanding    is actually part and parcel of the entire process. Its reality provides confirmation of some of my thoughts already expressed in prior postings. Its ugliness and horror so oppositional to what humanity should be, should strive for, should practice, must be felt within every molecule of every being on this planet. 

Unfortunately, when something so terrible is discovered and spoken of, it finds a home within too many people, spreads in viral manner by some contagious gene approving of cruelty, brutality, and inhumanity. Bestial hearts glom onto it and determine to mimic such horror and find targets within their own nation and even round the world. It is then celebrated and mimicked by others of no souls all the while the cries of victims rend the air even as the majority of humanity excuses, ignores, approves, or 'explains' the inexplicable. 

Yesterday's New York Times contained a large feature of the terror and hopelessness that is the life of the Rohingya people. Chased out of their own land, chased into the lands of others, there seems to be no respite for them. One of them expressed this horror in simple, but powerful words. “Everyone hates us. Why? We did nothing to them." It is yet another manifestation of other murderous campaigns waged by the Hutu against the Tutsi in Rhodesia or the Uigurs in China or the Moslem mob army against Christians in Nigeria and Sudan, the bloodcurdling terror of citizens of Haiti as gangs run murderously, savagely amok, or Jews around the world. In lesser manner, not fully developed - yet - though there already have been incidents of slaughter, that possibility is glaring a barbaric red re the attitude of the world's nations towards immigrants. Shamefully so and growing exponentially, encouraged by the incoming Trump administration in the USA with threats and visions of uniformed creatures rounding up families, lone children, dragging them from homes, shoved into trucks and held in huge 'holding' camps. Shame on us.

 When a group is deemed unacceptable, unworthy of life they become the lepers of society They are chased from pillar to post, denied all rights and all manner and matter of existential basis and support. These campaigns of dehumanization inevitably without exception rise or sink to the depth of murder, sanctioned murder and its participants and adherents and supporters then go home to families and kiss their wives and husbands and children. And the tears of the Lord above and His angels sear the land below, draining the land of its benefits for His creations and yet humanity continues on its bloodstained path with ponds and rivers and seas of blood awaiting them. Terrible too is the trend of the victims of these bloody campaigns, should they gain the upper hand, is to do the same. No end in sight, is there? 

What can one do? It is basic instinct to take account and repay accounts for what was inflicted upon them.

 " ...grim details of abuse of hostages, including whipping, branding with heated iron, isolation, binding, starving, maltreatment and psychological torment"

And more.

 " ...systematic sexual, physical,  and psychological torture of captives, along with intentional starvation, branding of skin with hot metal objects, and refusal of medical treatment."

How is one to feel as emotions take over the thought process within.

"Raped, starved, branded, and left in total darkness – ex-hostages reveal horrors of Gaza captivity"

 Can one be logically asked or expected to remain sane and without strong deep urges to return blow for blow? How are the people of a nation to react when members of their family are delivered back dead? Or suffering from wounds and horrors never ever to be healed or the howl of anguish of the people of Israel if, G-d forbid, the Bibas Baby Boys are not returned whole and safe. How is that initial urge to take revenge to be tamped down? Should it even be tamped down? 

And now here I am, as are many others. Who are we? What is our composition of heart and soul, of morals and justice? Are we capable of waiting for justice to claw back what was taken? But some things cannot be called back. The dead do not rise again, the torture is not 'untortured', the scars of the soul remain even if the scars of the body might fade Are years in prison enough particularly in view of the fact that it is now policy to kidnap others, to redeem those of yours taken? It is now a political tool, a tool of war taken for granted. With shrugs of shoulders and an okay, let's get to it again.  

 Who would I be? Who am I? Would I be one of those whirling stick or knives or weapon, seeking someone, anyone and hope to alleviate, lessen the pounding of revenge within me, within all who are traveling and running alongside me? Is not that feeling, that necessity, justified? Can I not understand or believe that in such circumstances bloody revenge vigilante justice is righteous? Have we not been fed story after story, movie after movie, of such justice as we sit and cheer as we watch?

Who am I? Who are you? Who are we all? Are morals and principles to be taken in relative terms or are they absolutes? No matter the justification that can be found. But this is not just about me any longer for it is about all of us. With all of my recent introspection I cannot deny that much as I am anti violence perhaps revenge violence is the right thing to do in this case. Certainly, there would be a sense of self-satisfaction, but would that turn cold in the light of day and rethinking. And then what? Then what?

Yesterday and today, the 4th and 5th candles of a joyous, victorious holiday of survival and national rejuvenation, stand out in my life as days of mourning. On the 4th light of Chanukah my dad passed into a better world, there to await his beloved Blanchie, his wife, my mom. I miss him today 20 years later as I did that day, but he died in the fullness of time, as we all do. and grief is understandable but manageable

On the other hand, the 5th candle of Chanukah is the light of my grandson, Yitzy, since memorialized many, many times over. The current issue of Mishpacha. Renaming of a street in Pittsburgh for him. The dedication of a new high school campus in his name. In the writing of a Torah in his name as he requested. With city officials, including the mayor, Yitzy's baseball team, and neighbors joining the parade to the school where it now resides as Yitzy's Torah. In our memories, an unbelievably magnificent, pure soul ripped from within our hearts, leaving behind a hole never ever to be filled.  

 Where and how am I supposed to take revenge for this loss? What is the "proper” way in which to mourn and accept? Can I ever accept this 13 year child gone after a heroic one-year pain filled battle, as his last words were of his G-d and his love of family.

I cannot find an answer for the questions of today. Perhaps on the Morrow, the many Morrows to come.