I do not know about Santa Claus, but the Gulf of Mexico remains as such. Disregard the looney renaming of it as the Gulf of America, as relevant and real as those maps which edit Israel out of existence. Same moronic vein of thought. Nor does saying so, make it so, but for those who have never grown up, that is called magical thinking. Generally, it disappears upon maturity. Hmm, wonder what that says about the misinformed, misthinking crazed inefficient cartographers - and those who buy into their lies and employ them further in the creation of nonexistent maps of imaginary delusions.
The above brings us back to the topic of faith. There are those who believe that whatever is in print, is to be taken as words from Sinai, straight from the Lord above and His Chosen, those who have presented themselves, elevated themselves, to be the spokespeople of the Heavens. Faith in such must be carefully. earned. Too many of the words printed today, be it online, be it in hard copy, too many of the spoken or ranted or chanted words are false, meant to delude and distract, meant to pull the wool over the world's eyes.
Behind that wool curtain lies destruction and dismay. I expect people who read my postings to judge for themselves, to accept for themselves, disregard what they wish, for that is their right. That is the right of all people, to think independently. What is not the right of people is to impose their views upon others, to force them to follow in their footsteps, regardless of their own personal preferences and beliefs. Words are meant to inspire words and thought. Words are meant to. retrain, reformat. and not to rain down hammer blows upon all opposing viewpoints. Nor to threaten the thinkers of other ways as if to deny them rights that belong to all. Other than words of hate, of inciting mayhem and brutality.
Personally, I feel as if I have a huge overstock of faith waiting, biding its time, anxious to be dispatched to a home, be it an institution, a person, a theory, a hope, somewhere into the world to find something. Someone worthy of that faith. In fact, worthy of the faith of any and all of us. It is important for one to have another with whom to share the load, be it to complain or to praise. To be grateful or to be needy. Whatever it is, there must be someone out there to meet that need, to decrease the depth of the chasm before us, threatening to swallow us whole, bereft of any supportive person or belief, no placement of faith to be shared with that one or thing worthy of it. True to it. To live a faithless life is to be alone and too often unable to cope with life as it presents itself.
Yes. I have faith in myself. I have faith in my religion and my tradition. That it will carry me through. Yes, that faith is not seeking a place. The faith that is seeking is to find a true representation or personification of that faith. Where is a religious leader. Where are the religious leaders who can truly speak for us all? Who do not merely represent their own picture, that relevant to their own sect or level but rather to all.
Jews are no different than the other people of the world. Today we are so bisected and trisected, into small entities vulnerable to the rampages of hate. To the danger of flawed thinking. We need to remember that we are one. It makes no difference whether your parents came from Syria, or your parents came from Europe. It makes no difference whether you are here for 10 generations, or you are only the second or even the first. Primary and foremost is to recognize that faith, a true faith, a true representation of faith, a true religious leader of that faith, is what will keep us alive and if not well then at least safe, able to live and provide for our families. It is that faith which is ever seeking a home. I have found some who come close, quite close. Some who were able to talk calmly with me during a difficult time, who do not condemn but rather extend comfort and understanding. They give me hope. and in fact, they do in some part at least give me faith.
But what about the rest of my world? What about the rest of the world for all? My Bubby used to say when she tried to impress some point on me was "Give Zach a kuk". Give yourself a look. Permit yourself to look around and see the truth of the matter. See with eyes of true vision and understand the truth. Well, unfortunately, as we look at their religious leaders of so many in the world's religions, we see the same doubts. The same fault lines. I have spoken to so many of other religions as well. People who have left the Christian movement, highly disillusioned, lapsed Catholics, refusing to overlook errors of the church or even to participate in fixing them. Members of the Jewish religion who we go up or down the scale of outward religious observance. Sikhs that have cut their hair. Muslims who have left their imams and set Allah aside for another day. Why is it? Why is it that the very thing which should give us strength, which should inspire us in humanity, is the very thing which has separated us, disillusioned us, disappointed us.
I wish I knew the answer. I really do. I wish I could stop the roiling thoughts in my head. I. suppose these thoughts and these questions are more relevant, of more urgent need to find answers to in the current phase of my life. One has no time to think about this when younger, building a career, and family. One does not think so much of what comes after. Is it the deep, dark, cold 6 feet down? An eternity of staring into the darkness? Is it a place of Hellfire and smoke and pain? Is it a place of sweet music and opportunity to learn, to develop as one could not on this earth? Is it a combination of both or is it nothing? And if there is a time of punishment, what is that punishment? It could be a searing moment of recognition and acceptance of what one was lacking in life and a deep feeling of atonement. Or is it to be a prolonged horrific event? I don't know. I guess it all depends upon your image of the Lord above.
My thoughts on this range widely. I do not understand. how the all-powerful Being, that Supreme Being which created the world, who created us, allows some of the awful horrific. actions of humans, to allow seeds of hate to solidify in our cultures, never dying, always awaiting fresh floods of blood. The prospect of war always front and center. Yes, humans have free will. But also, we have been told God knows what we are going to decide. Why would one not stop this? As a parent, knowing your children are going to go at it, rain blows upon each other with irreparable harm, would you not stop it? Would you leave them alone to deal with the lasting harm of those blows? Or would you step in? Before the damage? As you should.
Now upgrade to that Supreme Being. We have been taught to see that Lord as beneficent and kind. So, knowing all, why would he not stop this fight? All these fights, before we beat the crap out of each other possibly irreparable harm resulting. The lecture to come after the misdeed? I can't accept that. That would mean a cruel G-d, cruel beyond all acceptable levels. It would mean that G-d watches us for amusement, cares not very much for us, and demands from his rather amusing creations a level of worship, a degree of praise. If not. given tenfold more disasters take place.
Is this Supreme Being so needy as to be fulfilled and validated only by the praise of his underlings, his creations? Do these paeans of praise serve to remind us of Him or to reassure us that God has not forgotten us - or to remind G-d that we have not forgotten Him? That he remains a central focus in our life, the tentpole of our existence. I don't know. I just cannot sync certain questions and certain thoughts clearly and comfortably with others. It leaves me in an uncomfortable quandary.
Do I play the game? The safe better. Who bets on every number on every color and thus wins something even as what I lose is more than what I win. But where am I supposed to stash my questions? Did God really mean to destroy the entire world at the time of Noah? Was it right and proper for the cities of Sodom and, Gomorrah to burn and to ignore the shouts of pain and anguish and terror emerging? That the Lord knew that what he was doing was so wrong that he told Lot's wife not to turn around, not to see nor hear the awfulness of the deed? Why? Would it weaken her faith? Would she grow angry with God? I don't know. Should not the Supreme Being be over and above all of this pettiness, these human emotions and flawed thinking? Again, I don't know. Some people I question agree with me. Some people do not. Some people are vehement as they disagree with me. With others I am able to chew further on these thoughts, to ameliorate some concerns even as other issues arise. But apparently there is no end to questions and answers, the physical end and then what? And there is faith again
Is faith meant to be taken as an assumed not to be questioned. A state of belief. that precludes any and all doubts. All questions treated as heresy. All individual deviations from that straight line, each dot of color outside the lines seen. as incitement to others to act out and act up, to commit sacrilege? To be distrusted by and distrustful of the Lord? Are we to accept all those who present themselves as His at face value? Do we even have the ability to discern the real from the scam, and accept all, even that which we question? Can we be so blind as to not even recognize our redemption when it hits a smack in the face because there is a smidgen of something we have quarrel with? Some stupidity of dress or speech or look?
I don't know I guess all I can do is to remind people to "give zach a kuk" and open and close eyes. See the world within and the world without. Look into your inner self. See who you are. What you are. Understand your beliefs, your thoughts, your fears, your hope. your dreams. Then give another look, this time to the world outside. The world we live in. How can we mesh both worlds together in a positive manner? How can we contribute to the betterment of this world? To a lessening of the confusion of people?
If I knew that answer I would be sitting someplace, a happy place, satisfied that I had somehow contributed to the betterment of this world and the reigning of peace, rather than that of war, a better world for all. Is it all a pipe dream? A bit of fudge laced with marijuana, or a gummy laced with the same. I hope not. I don't do drugs, so I would never have that dream.
However, surprisingly, I do still have some remaining faith in the innate goodness of man, though, that goodness is too often overcome by the streak of evil also within. Too often we find mankind turning to the creature within to the claws and the talons the fangs and the beaks. We forget who we are and what we are meant to be. Instead of helping each other, we feed upon each other. We lose faith in ourselves and in others. In our despair we misplace our faith, feed it into that which is so wrong and plod down a path paved and stained with the outcomes so bloody, so harmful.
Why can't now we find within ourselves the stamina, the backbone, to shun those wrong paths, avoid those scam artists, those fakes. Why cannot we find or have faith enough in ourselves and our shared humanity and find, create, to find livable solutions? Why do we insist on all or nothing? Why are we constantly refighting the same battles over the same issues?
If only I knew the answers. If only I knew how to teach those answers to make them clear to the rest of the world.
If only.
On the Morrow.
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