And the whole thing is surreal. Yes, I know it is very real but there is an element to its reality that causes one to stop and think and wonder. What's going on? How did I get here? And what's going to be at the next siren? And the one after that? G-d forbid, should it ever be true for this area, how many seconds do we get, and can we slowpokes make that time deadline?
Above all else, I wonder how is it exactly that we have found ourselves in this position, in this situation? Even more confusing is, why the hell aren't the two of us more frightened? Being born and raised and living in America was not in any way conducive to understanding the hardships of war, the conditions of war and the stress as we newbies of a certain age try to figure out proper precautions and behavior, enough so as to be one of the crowd, living normally as possible, keeping kids calm even as we tuck them into bed in the secure room rather than in their usual bedroom. On that one I am thankful, knowing that my children are not here, are not subject to this danger even as the other part of my brain kicks in and reminds me that people are killing Jews out there, even in America, the land my ancestors deemed the land of safety and opportunity.
However, there is more to it than that for in this land, my ancestral homeland, from North to South and East to West reside friends and family. The need to do daily checks and rounds, hoping to hear voices, good news and hoping never to hear otherwise. That fear lurks forever, not far below the facade we present to others, even as they do the same beneath the facade of what appears to be normal daily life. One is driven to pick up the phone equally as much as one is driven to never answer the phone. Always the unvoiced question: What if the worst happens? What if the life was lost, not in the fullness of time but in the fullness of hate and aggression seemingly eternal.
What one does is simple. One carries on as best one can. One watches the others and models behavior after theirs. This is the point where the young become the teachers of the old, for they have been there, done that, many, many times already while we have not, certainly not firsthand up close and personal. We weren't living here a good deal of the year. Now we are and at times I don't know which land I am to be angry with, or yell at. Both provide many such opportunities and for a great deal of resultant frustration.
Truthfully, sadly, setting aside the sounds of the vicious barking of the Dogs of War and the rapid hoofbeats of the feet of the Horses of Apocalypse, or the sounds of flapping lips, of idiotic pronouncements emerging from the mouths of those who don't know the truth of what they are saying or worse, know exactly what they are saying, with malice and cruelty a forethought, what then? Even should we see that maybe, perhaps there is an element of sympathy, if not empathy, at the very best the statements are inane, conducive only of more frustration, particularly from the Jewish people at whom these inanities and barbs of hurt are aimed.
Trauma invalidation is the overarching title of this phenomenon. Israelis, Jews of all nations and categories are told "it's not so bad", "it's been worse." Or the turnaround. "What can you do to make it better?" "How can you change so as to alleviate and lessen this hate?" Answers, there are none, nothing we can do, for hate has no reason, no rhyme and attempting to apply logic and reasons for is insulting. It turns the causation and the consequences of hate right back onto its victims and thus invalidates their trauma.
We hear from those who favor tough love and advice who tell us, "Deal with it, ignore it, it will get better." More invalidation, more puffery and huffery of no value and no use at all. Then, of course we have those who lethally, forcefully, ironically, try to convince us of the justice of their stand, calling for our death. Call it fair turnaround, social justice. Repaid for our nonexistent offenses, merely for being alive, for surviving the worst humanity has slung at us.
My answer to all that is screw you. Get back on your horses of hate and gallop out of here fast.
War in and on Israel and Jewish people - nothing new under the sun, is there?
Our yesterdays were rife with grounds soaked in our blood.
Our todays we thought were much better. Hopeful.
Our tomorrows are now uncertain - dark or light.
What will you do? What will I do? What will we all do ? The question always remains as to what will God do? How much more will He wait and when will He act? What will be the format and results of His actions?
Perhaps we all need to look deep within ourselves and without and figure out a better path. Perhaps we still have a chance of doing that. We should take up that chance and run with it.
The wrath of G-d is mighty and best to avoid. Do we have enough within us of goodness to ameliorate that wrath? To have no more of this surreal reality of war and hate. A loss greatly to be desired.
Can we create that miracle?
You tell me.
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