I believe I can speak with great assuredness that everyone on the face of this earth, of whatever religion, whatever ethnicity. whatever stated belief, has wrestled with the question of Belief. Not knowing, not being sure of the actual real Presence, a Power, a Being who created the whole shebang. Every culture has a founding story. In that story there is always a Creator, that Supreme Being who had the knowledge and the ability, and most important, the desire to create a new world.
The details may vary but the essence is the same. Creator plus interest and desire, plus rules and laws of worship equals. Religion. Belief and trust in and fear of that Supreme Creator. This is why I often wonder why it is that we humanity cannot understand that the Lord God which we worship is actually the same Being though of varying assigned names of our designation. Any differences, any perversions which arise are those arising out of our own fault and inadequacies. These perversions arise when we mistakenly take some of the aspects, hidden and in plain sight, of God, i.e. mercy, anger, of indifference. and caring and then relegate those different facets and. and traits of the Lord God to several gods rather than to the One.
That error in thought is due to our inadequacy, to the fallacious reasoning of humans. Too often we use those subdivisions as stairways upon which we descend into an ugliness of our own creation. Even as we claim a godly presence and allowance to claim that we are indeed worshiping a true god as we take on the lowest elements of mankind. One which demands much on the evil side. It allows, enables, us to subsume ourselves and our culture, our religion and our statements into an ugliness which has no part, no role to play in a true Belief. There are no separate gods, only the One God of many facets and traits.
It is a God full of mercy. It is a God who holds the sins of one generation accountable on future generations. It is a God who forgives. It is a God who cries for His children. He is also a God who has a cold anger. It is a God who will allow tears to fall from His eyes, but also a God who can blink and will blink, seemingly remain indifferent to the fate befalling His children. It is a God who demands righteousness and rejects evil. A God of jealousy who demands proper relationship between not only Man and his God, but also between Man and Man. It is only when we separate all these facets that we begin to doubt.
How do we accommodate all so that it meshes together. Or must we actually do that? Perhaps it is better that we do have some doubt, that we hedge our bets. Perhaps that hedging, that inkling of doubt, that niggling uncertainty is what keeps us on the straight and narrow and if veering off that proper road, helps to bring us back to it. Perhaps is what gives us the chances we all so desperately need. Not only the second chance, but the 3rd and the 4th and on and on until we do get it straight, get it right.
However, every time I have been asked a question, or been in conversation on this topic re belief in God, in a Supreme Being, a Power greater than all else, the second part often follows: Why? What makes you believe that there is such a Being? How do you know for sure? Is there any physical fact without any layers of interpretation that will prove one correct in one's belief.
Personally, I do not think that there is one physical occurrence or event to which one can point and say here is the physical proof you need. Every such happening, every such miracle is deemed the Hand of the Lord. But I have been taught that the miracles of G-d often are enabled via other forces that of Nature, of Mankind. The miracles are explainable. I find this actually more reassuring, more strengthening to the soul, to know that there is a guiding hand to mesh it all, to make sense in a world gone mad, one such as we live in today.
It helps me if not to understand, then to accept, even if reluctantly, contradictory facets of life. Future generations bearing consequence of prior generations misdeeds, while at other times great mercy is dispensed even if we are not worthy. I believe it keeps us on our toes, a G-d of mercy who is also a strict accountant, with bills owed and bills paid, with bills excused. I think that some of the. most frightening aspects that we have assigned to God have been because we ourselves in our weakness and failings need to know there is somebody watching. Somebody taking account. Somebody who can be angry yet merciful and forgiving. Somebody who knows our frailties. Our thoughts. Our cracks and our foundations. One also willing to help us repair them and welcome us back, honor our efforts.
In a recent novel, one of a series I have been reading, The Burning Soul, by John Connolly, it contains within life beyond this world, of crime and punishment, of repentance and salvation, of mystery and Divinity, of crime and punishment. Rather unexpectedly. on page 167, I came across. the best answer as to why believe? Particularly when one has met face to face with particularly dark scenarios. I quote, mostly intact, the answer for me to those questions. that has spoken to me. Yes, I have heard similar thoughts, but phraseology and context, of presentation just seemed to hit me in the heart. I found the response in my soul. Perhaps it will address your feelings as it did - does -mine.
“... Had once asked me if I believed in God after all that I had seen and all I had gone through. Particularly the loss of Susan and Jennifer. (Wife and daughter.) I gave him three answers. I told him that I found it easier to believe in God than not to believe, for if I believed in nothing their deaths were pointless and without reason. And I prefer to hope that their loss was part of a pattern I did not yet understand. I told him that the God in whom I believed sometimes looked away. He was a distractible God, a God overwhelmed by our demands. And we were so very, very small and there were so very, very many of us. I told him I understood how that could be the case. My God was like a parent, always trying to watch out for His children. But you couldn't always be there for your children, no matter how hard you try. I had not been there when most needed. And I refuse to blame my God for that.
And I told him that I believe in God because I had seen His opposite. I had seen all that He was not and been touched by it. And so, I could no more deny the possibility of an ultimate goodness to set against such depravity that I could deny that daylight follow darkness, and night the day." Here. All this I told him... He was silent afterward.”
These few paragraphs, their wisdom I have borrowed from the author, fits comfortably within me.
It explains much of our yesterdays, as well as that of our todays. It also leaves open possibilities of goodness and grace for the tomorrows awaiting us.
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