EITHER/OR BOTH

  I have just completed reading an article written about an actor, writer who has taken upon himself various identities: Israeli, Yemenite, American, Jewish, Arab. His one actor play is about himself and his life, particularly the problems that he had in his youth. His relationship with his parents, particularly his dad, were difficult and in particular seem to be heavily impacted by the divorce of his parents. For those reasons and more, stated and unstated, he felt he did not have a secure and acceptable identity as to who he is, where he came from and where he should go, or even could go, based on his lifetime experiences and physical appearance.

While one person cannot walk in the shoes of another unless they and the path walked upon are literally on their feet. Even then there would be factors, causative influences, never to be truly imitated or reproduced. Hence, always a gap in the understanding of what exactly made up another's life and how they reacted to that life they lived. It sounds complicated, does it not, but I believe that if we concentrate on others of similar experience or formulate sensible and sensitive questions, we might reach a closer comprehension of it all.

While I do not see a possibility of ever having a one-on-one conversation, I do have some questions I would love to ask him, as some of my life experiences have said otherwise. Furthermore, while I do believe that in fact it is necessary for people to have more than one public and/or private persona, there must be a shared bond that makes sense. Yes, at times one can be both, but the 'both' must have meshing points and if not, then it is indeed either/or of the title and not both.

First, I would like to take the most obvious difference which is somewhat akin to one being submersed almost completely into one identity while including some of the other, but both as a permanent existence - nope. Do not see it, nor frankly do I see it in his life.  

Jewish and Arab same, as both? No. No way. Nor should he claim to be one, as his father, while Yemenite in country of origin, is not a Yemenite Arab, nor would he be accepted as such by the Arabs of Yemen. In fact, I would wholeheartedly advise him not to do that! Would his dad have absorbed some of the intonations in speech or sayings, have some different foods in the home as compared to other ethnic groups, even wear similar clothing of that country, that does not make one an Arab. Even as my ancestors coming from Lithuania made them or me Lithuanian.

Now some basic differences. Do they identify as Jew? Would they accept you as such unless you converted? Do you have the same named and shared G-d? Does your Bible instruct you to hide behind bushes and kill every Jew who passes. Their Koran does. Do Jews conduct Arabic versions of European pogroms upon their Arab neighbors and  kill them, rape them and loot their homes? Have you ever been semi-adopted into the family and life of an Arab neighbor family? 

Are you clearly at home with and espousing of any particular major Arab line of thought in the conduct of life, in the course of making decisions, even in your daily minutia? Yes, your dad might have absorbed some of the surroundings of Yemen just as those who come from other countries have done, but that does not make him or you one of them.  Or does the fact that you might have had foods other than the ones to be found in American Jewish families or Maltese Jews, or Syrian Jews, or Belgian Jews, or South American Jews, or Israeli Jews. In fact, you might note that names and appearances and contents of "foreign" foods are actually similar to Yemenite Arab foods. In addition, most of homes today mix foods from all over, as part of the world getting smaller.

As for your other identifying points of difference, why bother. I have lived almost my entire life with others of differing or similar countries and customs, in my classroom, as student and educator. Jews who barely know that they are Jewish or know any Jewish customs. Non-Jews again, from all over the world with either closed or open minds and attitude. Some never have met a Jewish person before and are curious, ask questions, and most originate from a wanting to know and not of desire to hurt. 

Similarly, Jewish, American, Israeli - all are easily meshed, fit easily into the both categorization. Are there some differences? Of course, but the "alike" are far more in number than the "unlike". There are always ways and means to find common ties with people, and perhaps if we all exercised that ability, understood that we are more similar than different, it would be a step forward for mankind. Not quite there yet, are we? However, there are some major differences that preclude being of 'both' category. The Arab and Jew are impossible to mesh, certainly at this point. Yes, some Arabs speak of peace, but that peace always has a major cost to Jews, always to concede, a contract of unevenness and uncertainty as to the honoring of promises made, for certainly life experience, the history of the world have clearly kept those records.

Unfortunately, in the past two years we have been made cruelly aware of the fact that even those whom we had thought of as friends, whom we had considered to be the same as us, the same values, have now turned their backs on us and worse, spit out screws and nails and sharp blades, words of Hate, toxic and contagious in its goals, all the better to indicate the level of their animosity to all of Jewish faith and origin. No. To be both depends, as does to be either/or depend. We must walk carefully, cautiously, on the alert.

We have learned that lesson from all that we lived yesterday.

Unfortunately, the proof of those lessons is quite visible in our todays.

It is up to us to ensure that the tomorrows are different.

It is up to us.

Perhaps then we can all belong in a SAME designation.  

Halevai, if only.