On and on and on. Sometimes I will look up to the heavens and send my questions up there, as far as they can go. It is a one-word question asked repeatedly, and I have never yet gotten a complete or satisfactory answer. In fact, the whole matter is so complex and confusing, so unnecessary, that one answer to one why question will simply not suffice. Why again? Why seemingly forever? Why do we appear to be the perennial target of choice? Why do You allow this? Can you please note, Lord Above, I do not want to hear that it is not You who is allowing this, for You have given free choice to humankind and permit them to run with it, wherever it goes. Not enough, a glib answer which dogs the underlying aggravation, grief and dismay.
Nor is there an acceptable answer in Your response that, as we have chosen poor leaders for so many roles, we are reaping the consequences of such thoughtless choices. However, be that as it may, many of us are struggling with the conflicts and difficulties of modern-day life exacerbated by the dangerously moronic actions and words of these pathetic hapless leaders. Even worse are leaders with criminal activity and goals of their twisted minds, and we have no energy left to combat the status quo. Merely trying hard to keep body and soul together, trying to create a better future for the kids, is so difficult, so draining, that there is little left to even think, let alone organize and bring to reality a functioning and successful opposition. Nor can it be forgotten that oftentimes these poor imitations of good leadership are chosen or elected to office or usurped that office via chicanery and force, not via the voice of the people.
You violated Your own words. We are told not to place hazards in the path of a blind person but are You, G-d, not guilty of doing such? You sent us down here with faulty processes of the mind and heart; thus, when we err, are held to standards difficult to attain and definitely impossible to keep, are You not the one with a bright red G for Guilty on Your clothing, for all to see? Do we blame the defects of a product upon the product? No, more justifiably, these errors of creation fall at the feet of the manufacturer. Can we not demand that corrections be made in order to ensure that new creations will be better, approaching faultless and well capable of building the roads to take us to the better tomorrows? And bring along with them the creations with faulty mechanism?
Why do we feel Your anger rain down upon us when we inevitably fail? That failure is built in within us. Why not praise us when we choose the right over the wrong, rather than allow Your fearsome wrath to pour down upon us for doing what we cannot help but do? It makes no sense, yet there it is. Time, and time again. Through the millennia. Biblical history to modern times.
Furthermore, it seems to me that You ask a great deal more from us than of other nations of the world. In fact, I could stand and argue the issue as to whether the misdeeds of Your children are equal or greater or lesser than those who wish to grant us only pain, violence, oppression, and bloodshed. Do we not deserve Your protection? Have we not tried through the millennia to do the best we can? Sure, we fell off the straight and narrow at times, but again, who incorporated that inclination within we hapless creations who had no say in what was used or planned or inserted within at the time of our creation. Having been given the choice, at least most of us would have chosen pathways of the righteous, Mesilat Yesharim.
Woulda', coulda', shoulda', but reality tops it all. I ask You; I challenge You, to find satisfactory answers as to why we have been once again shoved into the muck of Hate, JewHatred, with a violence and bloodlust challenging any that came before. Furthermore, with modern day tools available to hype this Hate, frankly I see black clouds in the sky as far as the eye can see. The horizon invisible, as all seems to meld into one frightening reality.
How are we to combat this toxic poison of the soul and the heart intensified by the physical power and sharp-edged words of the Haters? Barely a soul around has the inclination and the courage to speak out. To oppose the ramped-up violence and Hatred rampant and triumphant in this entire mad world. Even if the inclination to oppose was present, it is not an easy choice to wade into a mob crazed with madness, insane with Hate, eagerly wielding weapons as they spew their filth, chanting maniacally for all those who do not agree with their insane desires, to kill, threaten, at the very least, and limit the confidence and security of once upon a time welcomed and valued citizens of nations which now allow and enhance the perpetration of violence and oppression upon Your people. Why do You allow that? If the punishment is to fit the crime, might we not be justified in asking for re-evaluation and amelioration, rational, yet merciful, a learning experience which does not kill the student, the one being chastised.
Perhaps in Your eyes we have violated far more than we feel we have; hence the disagreement between us. But You left us, even unto the level of abandonment, so many years ago, allowed the cups of our violators to overflow in constant and perpetual motion. Even the moments of forward movement have been infused with instances of terror of various duration and intensity.
Why is it, Lord, that You cannot see Your way through to a more tolerant understanding and a love of a Father for His children, one of unconditional love and patience, ready to teach, but not to kill. Arms always open to welcome back, to entice wayward children to return, to forsake their mistaken pathways of life, with no fear of awful punishment before the love is evidenced.
Unfortunately, at times Your love is hidden behind thunderous towering clouds of wrath, of anger and disappointment. Even those clearly anxious to return, to repent and to walk with You once again, have turned aside. Too frightened to imagine any positive result. So exhausted from the battles of their lives that there is no energy, no irresistible force impelling them to take that bold step into those black clouds.
Too disheartened at what has been happening over the millennia to even contemplate that behind those clouds resides the merciful, forgiving ever constant in his guardianship of us, the G-d who will dispense love rather than wound us more than we have already suffered.
This is what we have known, what our history has taught us, what has happened throughout the millennia and apparently is on a perpetual track. A cycle ever to be repeated, ever to smite us down, with hope for redemption ever so distant, despite all our prayers, despite all our faith and trust in You. Despite the goodness that remains inherent in most of us.
Can we not find within You that which is conducive to a flowering of hope and encouragement, to return, to strive to meet Your difficult expectations? Is it not time yet? Lord, we have suffered enough. Must we look forward into the tomorrows of our children and see only reflections and stains from the bloody yesterdays along with the ever-increasing hopelessness of our todays? Can You not find within You even the tiniest molecule of forgiveness? Do Your arms not ache to hold within them Your children once again, and keep them there with You, instruct them, teach them, remind them of all that is there for them. Renew their hopes and strengthen the ties which bind us together.
Forever.
Hear us, Lord. Hear the voice of so many of Your children. Do not remain blind to the tears of Your children, nor remain deaf to, and unfeeling of their cries. Soften your heart once again and remind us once again that we are all better than this.
Remind us. even as we vow to do better, to oppose the nefarious goals of our enemies. Forget not Oh Lord, that our enemies are Yours as well, and while we promise to do our best, it is upon You as well to do Your best for Your children, for the world You created, for Your glory to rise and outshine all else and be acknowledged by all.
Forever, Lord.
Forever.
Amen. Selah.
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