MUSINGS ON AN EARLY TUESDAY MORNING

  Well. If I were 50 years younger, 40 years, I might say I was nesting. But since that possibility is a major impossibility, I guess it is just a sense of restlessness, a sense of anomie.  Not knowing where and who I am any longer. No, not confused. Only confused with the reality that serves as a shock to the system. How the hell and more importantly, why did we manage to infuse such violence, such enmity, such a lack of tolerance in a nation that was known for its tolerance. 

Not perfect, not by far, as humans populate the earth and humans are prone to stupidity of thoughts and actions, but still, the USA was known for, as, a place where all could find a niche for oneself, even if some faced more difficulty in doing so than others. Still, the people of this nation knew there was a chance to move up, to see a better world for their kids. However, - no longer is that the case.  

This nation of ours. Once a leader of the world. Once a country respected for its accomplishments. And for its goodness held out for others. The aid programs, the educational programs. The exchange of cultural ambassadors. The sharing of people whose origin was in one country, but whose future was in this country. We respected the differences, even if we did not necessarily understand them. The American culture became a meld of all who    shared the same dreams and hopes. 

As I sit here staring at the screen I wonder how today's reality emerged from what was here before. How did possible dislike or feelings of strangeness, some feelings of alienation, which disappeared or simply lessened upon growing familiarity, or even a marveling at the wonder at the apparent foreignness of some of the immigrants, at the same time as the similarities grew clearer and more important than the mysterious aspects of the new families moving into neighboring homes. How did this morph into the vehement, toxic, virulent attitudes of today? Where people speak openly. about killing others. Consigning other humans to subhuman categories. drowning themselves in seas of hate and violence. Against each other. One American to another. Raining violence and even death down upon their heads. 

Nor is this unique to this country. The entire world apparently has dropped down into a Bizarro World where nothing is as it was. Where nothing is accepted as it was. Where even good intentions are somehow transfigured, twisted and reformatted into ugliness and domination. 

Why, WHY, are. we. here?

How is it that the entire world seems to have gone deep into an insanity such that all are negatively affected by it. From child to adult. From young to the elderly. No one seems to have any immunity. It's contagiousness simply grows stronger and stronger as the days go by. Even as hours go by. So fraught with distress and distrust is the world of today. There is no one calling out to warn the public that the sky is falling. Perhaps because it already has fallen, and to shout out that fact would do nothing for anyone. 

Frankly, I believe we are past the warning stage and well into the "we had better to something quick, really quick, if we are to stave off or at least ameliorate the pace and intensity and somehow turn the nation and the world around. The awful truth of where we find ourselves must be clarified, understood by the average citizen, and the selfish oligarchs must face their unmasking, their dastardly motivations, deeds and goals revealed before the world. 

If there is to be any chance of doing so, it had better be done soon, very soon. The world is in that fragile a situation. If we are indeed to come to our senses and push back against the fate that the worthless leaders of today have deemed proper for us, if we are to at least slow down the disintegration of societies of this world, there must be a clarion call for response. For cooperation of and with all. All other concerns are petty in comparison. In any case the woes of the world cannot be addressed with any truly meaningful results until and unless there exist cooperation and unity in goals and dreams for a future for all.

Would or could, it cannot be tackled in any meaningful way until the above is the reality of the world. The woes of our planet affects all. And all must work together to slow the disintegration down and heal. But time grows short. Trump alone has caused such deep damage to the environment and plans to do more as he lives within his own crazed world and has managed to convince others to follow him, his pipe pouring out hypnotic music, as the world follows him into an impenetrable mountain guaranteed to be the final and last place of humanity. No one can live nor thrive in such a place, so deep and dark is it. 

We must be open to the truth. Pleasant or unpleasant. Like it or not. Taste of its bitterness strong enough to weaken the sweet within, but we must understand that sanity must prevail and it is hard. Unless we do so, we will not be able to see our way through to rebuilding and restrengthening of a sane world. Indifference to the fate of others is not acceptable. All beings are human beings. We share the planet as equals in benefits and responsibilities.  

We must reckon with the truth that states "Alliances endure because they're built on respect and partnership. Not pressure." How striking, the opposite of today's thinking. We must learn to prioritize properly in meaningful manner. Even as it becomes difficult. Ambition and aspiration will clash at times, and we must find the path through, else we are lost. Furthermore, sanity in all fields must reign. 

Wonderful is the determination of protesters who are insistent on immediate repair and reparations, who want it all now. The numbers of their causes are mindboggling and truly, impossible to address in that quantity in any format which would entail serious and sincere effort, well infused with reality.  No more 'boycott of the week". Prioritize with understanding and compassion, reassure that all will be addressed in due time and with proper care and respect. But patience, compromise and seeing actual reforms taking place is how it must proceed. 

If we do not proceed carefully and wisely, sanely, without bluster and promises unable to be met, we will incur chaos. People tire of chaos. It's difficult to live within that state of mind and being. So, they seek an end to it. And in so seeking, they erroneously follow one who appears to have the strength to have done with that chaos. However, they quickly and sadly find out that the one they have chosen, or who has imposed himself on them, is one who will indeed tamp down the chaos. At least for a time. But along with it goes democracy. Freedom. And the ability to make real the dreams one has. It must be remembered that too much of a good thing is equally as bad and awful as too much of the evil. 

 We must walk carefully. With compromise. Care and understanding. We must be prepared for strong emotions. Unless we truly understand our efforts and upon what we are expending those efforts, we will never achieve that level of productivity and success, that what we hope to come out with at the other end. 

Indeed, the only way to move forward is to look backwards and comprehend what we had and so foolishly tossed away. When we find our way back to sense and sensibility, we will know innately that this is the only way forward. That is the only way to go if we are going to find our way back. To a world of sanity and compassion. Of justice and equality. Of democracy and liberty. Of freedom to indulge in dreams and make them real. A nation where one can hope. A world led once again by USA, setting the bars compassionately and realistically, and all in the recognition that all humans are such, with no exceptions.  

A world of ambition and aspiration, of inspiration, sending forth hopes and dreams and streams of curiosity and creativity. All meshing together, always seeking paths of improvement.  For all and no difference will negate the similarities, all children able to skip and laugh.  To look forward to a home to sleep in, and food on the table.

Pipe dreams? Possibly. Or most definitely. Foolish remnants of an idealistic youth now returned?

 It matters not at the end of it all. What matters is that we come to grips with the reality that we have engendered. Whose consequences we have absorbed.   

Yesterday we looked forward and hoped.

Today some still continue to hope, but that well is running low. 

Tomorrow is our last source for hope and dreams, and we MUST work harder and faster to keep it alive and ensure its vitality.

And the same warning or words of reality.

It is all on us.

Ain't nobody else. 

Not yesterday, today or tomorrow.

   

OOMBOTWE

     Translated from a traditional language of Africa, it was meant to be an expression of sharing, of peace as a time of opportunities for all to flourish and not merely a cold peace where the sparks are ever present. A peace where the differences between mankind would be of little significance. Differences of creed, color, religion, appearance would not matter. 

The rest of the opening of the Winter Olympics took on the same coloring and intent. Yet it will inevitably revert to the same old competition, with complaints registered against another from another nation or even from one's own. Sharing, helping, stressing these commonalties, even sacrificing one's own medal so as to aid another, the true embodiment of the theme of this Olympics, fall by the wayside, the message and hope of and for peace seem as far away as ever. Perhaps even further away, more hopeless.

 So much so, that the maxim of the title, delivered to us from Africa via that speaker at the Opening moments, that "I am because we are" fades away into a fairytale time not yet achieved by us, not even ever coming close.  Unfortunately, the temperature of the world's population has risen dramatically. Negativity now dominates and negative emotions have risen to heights which threaten to set the world on fire. Deep cracks have developed among the nations of the world. 

These cracks have been driven by the greed, the selfishness, the lust for power and the amassing of wealth - not so much for the nation, but for oneself, the leader and his miserable cohorts with the same twists within, streaks of darkness over clouding the world. Allies turn against each other. Strange alliances are formed. Even then the bickering grows ever fiercer, ever louder, ever more threatening. 

Exacerbating the situation, being both a cause and result of it all, is that there are no leaders to be found. Yes, there are those who call themselves leaders, those who deluded people call leaders, but there are none to be found. The concern for the nation, for the people within, for people of the world - simply glaring in its absence rather than in its presence. Those who might have served capably, even with excellence, shy away from the position, so twisted is the world today.

 Most unfortunate is the fact that the very person who should be the leader of the free world and the role model for those aspiring to it, fighting for it, is the one who has done most of the wrong, incited much of the chaos and confusion and is intent on fulfilling his ambitions to cause more havoc and fear, certain of his end goal - a nation totally within his crooked little hands, ruled by a perverted mind in every which way, manner and form. 

He threatens all, friend or foe, though it is becoming clearer that many of those who had tread on tippy toes around him, in fear of his evil madness, have now found some courage to defy his insistence and his plans, pushing back. This furthers his deterioration as he sputters with anger and threats, determined to force all to obey his every order, to bow before his might and power. 

I can find only one good point about him. That is his support for Israel, though he is very much   wishy-washy about the whole matter. It has boiled down now to several facets and nary a single one conducive and inducive of faith and trust. It all seems to hinge on his "Peace Board" wherein the sole person of any authority to approve or disapprove, is himself. Period.

The rest are there for show and for money. Again, brazenly so, he has concocted yet another crooked, immoral scheme to enhance his bottom line. Once again to act as a huckster and from within his Oval Office, blackmail, threaten, and fool others, and have them buy into it, to send moneys his way as within his plans lay the routes and methods by which the money for funding this rather shady 'rebuilding' will flow his way for the most part. As has always been the case and here we go again.      

It is all so wrong, so evil, and so demeaning. He and his adherents and enablers have cleared the way before him, allowed his evil plans to flourish, and his most visible and egregious offenses to move forward, brushed under the carpet - or not even that. He and those who foolishly mortgage their futures and soul to this crooked individual, this demented deteriorating remnant of a man, do so perhaps because they too are evil and gullible, with no innate courage nor respect for morality, for that which is right. 

Additionally, they do not fear any consequences as there have been none so far. Nor does it seem   likely that there will be, or maybe only in the history books of the future. Even as we know that had it been any other such person, there would have been mammoth fines, years in a penal institution and exile from any possibility of another chance at power and domination. Why nothing to him, to his abettors? He and his have blatantly, with great immunity, led the way to travesty after travesty, and would do so again. 

Another armed rebellion against this nation and its RIGHTFUL administration and again to build one contravening of all that is right, honest. and honorable. One that maintains the proper dignity of the nation and its leaders. Of all that is beneficial to the nation and the world. Actions of morality, sparkling with justice, truth, and a Constitution honored and valued rather than dismissed and ignored. Or misused as a hammer with which to batter this nation and its proud history and a better future. 

For sure, a proper administration of this nation, a government knowing right from wrong, would not wage war against its own citizens. native born and naturalized. Against guests within its borders. Against those who contributed to it in positive manner. Who have been given permission to be here due to persecution and violence. Or fill jobs going begging. That are crucial to the functioning of this nation. And to their children. Who will fill the empty ranks to contribute to this nation, as all immigrants and first generations have done. As we, the descendants, have done. To fulfill the same dreams and hopes. 

The shameful, ugly, never should have been scenes of Minneapolis and other cities will come to an end. And will never more be resurrected.

We are not the ugly creatures of tasers and masks. And armored equipment suitable for special OPS. We are not a nation which kills its own people, and certainly not for exercising their rights. No matter how objectionable these protestors are to the demented man and followers. We must know that these are aberrations. With no place within our nation. They do not espouse American values, true values. Not fake. Harm and danger are not what we owe our people. Reeking of ugliness and hate, of bias and violence.

We have indeed slid down the wrong trails and missed the ladders that would take us back to what we were, to what we are and to what we should always be.

We have come far from the meaning of Oombotwe. Way off from the pleadings of the Olympics and Italian officials. Of celebrity spokesman. For peace. For cooperation. For recognition that I, we, you and me, us, cannot and would not be here if not for each other. Indeed. “I am because we are.” Because YOU are here, every one of us.

Matisyahu sings of “One day. One day.”

The day of which we all sang. Which many of our children sang out in clear, confident tone at their graduations. The day which has long eluded us.

Its permanence has been missing in our yesterdays.

Its presence and permanence are equally unseen in our todays.

Will it remain so in the tomorrows to come?

One day.

One day.

Up to us, Folks. Up to us.

And we are falling down on the job.  

MORON CAKES

  Yes, fellow Americans and devotees of Democracy, yes, this is in what and where the vaunted defender of Democracy, the United States of America, has found its resting place. Inside the newest rage at all stores Danish and Greenlandian, the moron cakes, the pastry so generously and aptly named for its namesake, the moron currently residing in the Oval Office, that so currently demeaned and debased site once a place of honor.

Yes, the current resident, Donald J Trump, more deserving of the name Ffrump, a proponent of poor taste raised to the nth degree, especially as it is closer to his family's original German originated name. Oh, yes, for those shocked, remember, he too is a descendant of those (GASP) immigrants, invading our nation, apparently as intent as all of 'them', these diseased and drug ridden people, most desirous of rape and pillage, of destruction rather than for building a future. Oh, for sure, ignore the truth and burn all that is good within this nation.  

This presently renamed Mr. Ffrump has been busily engaged in the smothering of all that is good and proud and honorable within our nation. He has called out for revenge, for "retribution” to any and all who dare to oppose his ego driven maniacal. ambitions at which apparently, he is well on the way to achievement. His poor taste and misbegotten sense of "culture”, are fitting companions to the ugliness of his political ambitions. What is worse, most demoralizing is his clearly seen deep headway in debasing American culture, World culture, even as he enhances and builds upon his innate Moronicity, adding level upon level to it. 

It is so obvious. Yet so many deny it. Refuse to see it. Refused to acknowledge the mistake they bought so enthusiastically into, cheering it on its way. We continued to crash through all the guarding gates to a road rife with pitfalls. All in the name of ceding to Mr. Ffrump all that he desired. Validated his crooked ambitions and twisted thoughts. We have become as a nation, cheaply gilt plated, brass and coarse, boorish, and have set aside much that made us American, standing proud and tall before the nations of the world. Now we stand as cringing. cowardly enablers of a gross moron, fans of a Ffrump.

People have wondered how, beginning to wonder even more, whether these defects are innate, learned, or a terrible synergy of the two together. I believe it is both and into that rank stew we add worse. Swollen and sick ego. Mental deterioration. Thoughts which go meandering. A physical. deterioration reflective of that which is ugly within, Immoral or amoral?  Take your choice: one, the other, or both. Was he? Is he? So nasty and broken and crooked from birth? Has he been busily sharpening the edges to the nth degree, always at the ready to thrust into the back of some poor soul whom he deems an enemy? This is the Ffrumpy world at its worst- though I believe there is more awaiting us and the world. Emanating from the Office within the White House.  

Actually, to be correct, it is the former White House. Now it is a shameful remnant of a once beautiful building, one built with the labor of citizens and slaves, defended through the centuries, its truth allowed and encouraged to emerge. Its importance and place within our history as a nation was of critical importance and pride. a beautiful building, well balanced, even as the balance we wished to keep for our country. Now a site of deconstruction, an outward presentation of the ugliness within this administration. It is a shameful sight. Absurd plans to add on a mammoth unnecessary ballroom in place of a balancing East Wing. Even as the West Wing is threatened with more ruinous construction. No longer to be the West Wing that we saw in the series of that name. A place of honor. A place where people made mistakes, yes, but tried to do their best and to remediate their errors. No longer so. Adding salt to the wound, is the fact that we, the American people, are going to pay for the destruction of their heritage.  

In fact, Americans are going to pay for all of the destruction planned. Around the DC area and into the rest of the nation. The destruction of the fabric of the underpinnings of this nation, its ethos.    Destruction of buildings of importance and relevance. Historical courthouses. Buildings that helped this nation grow. Even into the present, for this Ffrump has now targeted the John F. Kennedy Center for the Arts, adding his name to it, causing people to leave in disgust and protest, as the level of that within the building slumped, and now, the closing of it and "renovation". Assuring people that it will not be gone for he is planning to use some of the steel and marble - Some - the rest - trash heaps of the area. That building, that institution, known as a place of beauty and harmony, of literature meant to inspire, to be no more. Ffrump prevails, much to the detriment of the nation. Yet another black hole to swallow all that is good and true, another hole catering to ffrumpiness and crassness, to ugliness over beauty, to eternal over poor imitation of the real deal.          

For Mr. Ffrump there are no limits to his plans to dishonor all that is sacred not only within our nation, but to the rest of the world as well, an equal opportunity abuser of the good in whatever manner possible. He even manages to contaminate that which has good within. He cannot withstand the temptation to impose his ugliness on all else. From a place of awe and honor has emerged a Going out of business salesroom.  From within, the huckster hawks his tawdry little souvenirs, all gilt plated. Cheap. Ugly. Demeaning. Bereft of dignity and patriotism, of honor of country. From within also emerges the making of larger deals for millions and billions of dollars. With his companies, from which he has not divorced himself! Along with the equally crooked and amoral members of his immediate family and friends. This nation suffers so as to enhance his bottom line.

This man has no shame.  I predict worse to come as his power and insanity grow.

The man elected, unfortunately, for a second term. as president, has most probably earned the title of worst president ever. I hope that the title and crown of the first King of America, is not gifted to him as well.  However, it does seem that this goal of his grows ever more possible, though not yet, close enough though, to the achievement of that anathema, the thought of which makes one's gorge rise to the fullest. We are allowing the gross installation of Mr. Ffrump into this room and onto the throne, the seat of power. Treason!  

Was it the water we drank or the food we ate? The chemicals we sprayed so generously around the world. Is it those things that have so twisted and turned our minds into those of yes men? Fearful cowards. From whence? Apparently from desperate need to declare someone, anyone, a leader, someone who will glom onto it as opposed to those who do not seek its honor nor its responsibilities. But oh, Mr. Ffrump certainly has made his ambitions clear, be it by peaceful and gradual theft from the people or by sudden violence and rebellion, already tried on Jan6? At the end of it all, will it make a difference?

Ffrump is clearly greatly and grossly handicapped. By physical and mental deterioration so clearly evidenced. In his word salad. In his postings on Truth Social. A misnomer if ever I heard one. And his stumbling and bumbling, oral and physical    deterioration. Kept in place by the too many willing eyes, who are as do or die supporters of that man as were the fanatic adherents of Hitler, Stalin, murderous authoritarians of nations. May their names be equally cursed and understood for the Evil they presented and represented to the world. 

Once Americans took strides across the world. Confidence. Eagerness. Goodwill. Desire to do the best we could. And when we did make a mistake, acknowledged it. Fixed it. Even if that remediation took some time. Now, we walk cringing, hoping that we will not be attacked nor arrested, left to molder as pawns. We have deliberately, under Ffrump, cut ourselves off from tie world, ceded our power and influence, and are quickly devolving into an emerging Third World nation, little thought about, of no consequence or matter. 

We have on this path trampled upon and negated the rights of so many. We have knowingly and. eagerly stolen the promise of their future. Rather than serve as role model for the good, we serve as role model for the mean, the miserly, the selfish. We have shredded programs meant to feed the hungry of the world, and that would include those going hungry in this, our once proud nation. We have crashed and crushed medical programs of research and aid. Renewed epidemics of once defeated diseases, taking with it many, many victims. Including children. Those very children whose future, whose very lives we have denied. Not only in other nations, but shockingly, in our nation as well. Even worse, there appears to be no way out. The appointed officials named by Ffrump. are clueless as to what needs to be done. They know little, if anything, about their area of   responsibilities. Deaf, dumb, and blind to truth and morality. Ignorant of any information pertinent to their matters. And little will or incentive to learn and do the job right.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen? Oh, the government. The national government of this nation has devolved, allowing, encouraging, and defending attacks of violence and degradation against people living within the borders of our country.  And no, it is not only against "illegal” immigrants, for citizens, born and naturalized, are snapped up as well. Lucky if they are released in timely manner or even at all. As for those we do not release, we send them to filthy prisons reminiscent of dungeons of evil of old.

More disturbing and demoralizing is the acquiescence of too many to the ugly shenanigans and destructive tactics. Excuses are made up for him. Blatant denials are rife within the air and 'validated' by untruths published on social media, the airwaves, or spewed forth by Ffrumpian officials. Some people, oh so late to it, have come to acknowledge that there is something mightily, desperately wrong within this man and his supporters. I am thinking though, that it just might be a case of too little too late. This man has given himself monarchial powers far beyond the powers given to the president, to the executive branch of this nation. He has cowed the legislative branch. and they have ceded their own rights to him. Public Service is nonexistent. 

So, Moron Cakes it is, along with disapproval apps. Unfortunately, that is not nearly enough, and we need to see its growth here within this nation. We must understand where we are, where we were, and where we must go. We all must find, dig deep within ourselves, steady our courage, and oust this man.  The legal pathways are clearly there, even if overgrown and smothered by torn and discarded pages of our true history and heritage. With effort and determination, with courage, we can sweep the path clear again. 

If only. If only.

If only we wake up, gather ourselves and remember glorious yesterdays...

If we seek to recreate and emulate their glory, optimism, and confidence and make it part of our todays.  

If only we build upon the yesterdays and todays.  Reject any negativity. We can then indeed inspire. and enable the birth of glorious tomorrows.

Can we wake up in time? Do we wish to? Or are we too busily lamenting that which we have allowed to slip from our grasp?

I hope. I pray. That we have a remnant within us. upon which we can build, improve, repair and renovate our needy and abused nation. Refresh its fabrics underpinning this nation and remember and live the truth that we are one nation and nothing must destroy that unity.   

I hope.

I pray.

I plead.

May this great experiment in the history of the world, avoid the fate of past great nations, their falls and deaths.    

We are so much better than this. So much more than that which we apparently have consigned and assigned to ourselves.  

Wake up, people. Wake up.

No more Mr. Ffrumps or Ffrumpiness in our todays and tomorrows. 

Enough. 

COMING ATTRACTIONS

 Yesterday, we finally had a chance to visit the movies, which I love. Strange movie. Not really quite sure of its genre. Or of it knowing its genre. Nor what message was meant to be conveyed. But still, I was at the movies. In any case, at least we remained awake and attentive. What I do like very much about movie going is the feature known as coming attractions. It gives one little vignettes, a trailer or two of new movies. They generally match subject matter and approach of the movie scheduled for running that day.

  Sometimes I think I like to come and get those coming attractions more than the movie itself.  Someone asked me to explain why. I did my best, but to make a long point short, this is simply the way I think and the way I am. I'm a person who likes to know, who likes to plan. I don't like to always have life in a state of unknowingness, a not knowing of what is on tap for the future - in whatever length of concern. A world is to be faced.  

Anything allowing me to prepare myself and to make some decisions as to whether I want to continue along this road or that, see that movie or this, whatever is out there, up front and catches my eye or mind. Maybe it's silly. But for me it is not and it is more conducive to my having some kind of a grip on life. Life has been, too often, especially in more recent years, quite concerning to me as it skipped in disorderly unpredictable manner from event to event, some good, but of late, many, too many of recent years, have unrolled and unveiled in bad, even tragic manner. Too many for which we were unprepared, unwilling to accept, but that is not a reality nor choice possible.   

  That wanting? No, not wanting - that needing - to know at least something about an upcoming event, drives me for it makes me feel more secure in an increasingly insecure world. Too often these days, from one day to the next, one does not know nor understand how and why things are proceeding the way they do. Even when we actually do know the answer we do not admit or acknowledge that for it is too abrasive to life to acknowledge as such.  

A glaring example of such is a horrifying reality of having a madman as president. Of this nation. Any  student of history simply watching him rant and rave or read about it as seen by witnesses in the White House or see him fumble and mumble and stumble via incoherent speech, or forget names of his own people, or wander along a red carpet, unable to walk a straight line, even as he cannot speak a straight line of truth, well, it is frightening to say the least. It is unnerving to a degree I, and in fact all, admit it or not, unknown ever before.

Yes. We've had presidents before, as other countries have also had leaders, who strayed off the straight and narrow. Who violated the ethics and principles of the nations they led. Who went awry too often for any within those nations to be sure and certain of good times ahead. But never before has the stress. and the source of the stress and the exacerbation of that stress been contained within one Being.  The stress and the stress itself are that Maniacal. Egotistical. Narcissistic. Deteriorating. Facsimile. Of a leader.  

 One can see within him and without, his streaks of madness shared with the worst, most homicidal and dangerous leaders of history. So manifestly in the wrong place at the wrong time. Simply the wrong being. Caligula. Hitler. The mad power crazed Dictators of the USSR. Khomeini. And the list goes on and on. The only difference is that he has not yet gotten around to the point of wholesale shooting of opponents rather than 'merely' targeting them for retribution of the worst kind, as bad as his sick mind can imagine. However, coming attraction:  The way he talks, the way he says things, that next step does not appear to be neither too far away nor improbable, as it should be. 

But how can this be? In the United States of America!? You do not kill opponents. One might even kill a career, but the targets are left in life, breathing, able to go on. Although Trump has ostensibly not gotten to that point, perhaps he has already. Those people shot on the street. Those people dragged off, beaten up. Abused and terrified. Well, maybe he has taken his introductory steps and more, into that level.

  The news that I read. The news that I hear. The commentary that I peruse. All are coming attractions. I am not truly very sure at this point, whether these coming attractions are beneficial. In advancing the knowledge and preparation as to what is coming, what he has driven out of his barn of horrors for us to undergo. Or if it is more harmful than beneficial. 

I hear both sides of that coin. But I think I come down on the side which states yes. Yes, Esther, you need to know. You need to be prepared. Need to be able to have time to think. To formulate an opinion. Even if that opinion counts for naught. However, in my case, that almost makes 'no never mind', for these expressions of my feelings and opinions are healing to me, allowing the anger to exit rather than remain inside, curdling my inner self to a point of no return.  That cannot be allowed.

However. there is another question. Is what I write about worth the time. Is it, so to speak, cost effective? Nobody asks me, at least openly, for my opinion and even if they do, so what? Who am I? Not Jean-Valjean, merely Esther, a simple citizen voicing worries and concerns. Wondering why none out there have seen what she has seen, or voicing worries and concerns. Wondering why no one out there has seen that which she has, seen and warned about, for years already. I saw those coming attractions and tried to act upon them; still continue to try, but is there any benefit to it? 

The truth is, I do not know nor do I care. My readership, thank you, tells me that there is a concern, there is an interest and so I continue to write. For them and for myself. Even as I open up a paper in the morning or hear a news broadcast, and SLAM! my hand down on whatever surface is nearby. And shout. I said this already. I said this months ago, years ago. Why didn't anybody ask me?  Who am I? I'm a nobody. So why would they even know to ask me? Additionally, sometimes what I say appears to be so improbable that they would look at me and recommend a 72 hour stay. But I am not nuts, am I? I predicted and shouted out about it all. The path that Trump would take. The divisiveness that would grow to almost overwhelming degree, seemingly, possibly, unable to be resolved, or at least paper it over, giving us a chance to build something solid beneath, able to carry us again as one nation. I don't know. But it is frustrating to say the least. For there are many, many people out there with a bigger brain and better pay grade than I, so where the hell have they been? Where are they now?

 An even bigger concern of mine, a fear of mine, is the ugliness of the fact of how many have chosen to go over to his side of the line. It matters not what the cause was, what the reason was. The end is all that matters - people willing, able, perhaps even eager to beat up a defenseless woman. Or an old man living in this country, "illegally", for twenty years, built a business, raised American children. Trump has pimped out himself, his ugliness of soul, his twisted thoughts and proposals. Unfortunately, there were found many willing to take advantage and participate and then boast about it, and swagger around in manner calculated to rival the strut of Hitler's SS and Khamani's religious police. Even when taken to task for their misdeeds, their actual murders, there spews forth a rotten rank stream of excuses and denials. Their souls and hearts must be as dark as Dante's 7th Circle of Hell.

So, do I like coming attractions? Do I appreciate them? No, I do not like them. Not in the least. I do not appreciate them either. However, they do in some way help me strengthen my legs. And my eyes and my heart and my soul to withstand the constant attacks that go on every day. Attacks that bruise and batter. I want to open the gates so as to overwhelm any and all proponents of the insanity that has overwhelmed not only our nation, but the vast majority of the entire globe as well. 

The question is, why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we find it so hard to maintain an even keel? Keep our oars in the water pulling us straight and true. I don't know; perhaps I expect too much. Perhaps rather than advance, mankind is doomed to operate in retrograde manner. Five steps back for every one step forward.

I wish I knew. I wish I had an answer for all the woes that have befallen us. For sure there are other things we would much rather do. No more useless words flying back through the air at us . Is the violence in Minneapolis that which we need to wake us up? Until we get riled to the very marrow of our bones before we react to the very blatant dismantling of our democracy? And why? How, in fact did it come to this point. How far back did we go wrong? When did we abdicate from all that is right. Excused of and from guardianship of our nation? Of the values of this nation. I don't know the answer to that either. We must know that we had better straighten ourselves before too long as the opportunity might no longer be there.

If we do not gather our rosebuds now, we will have no rosebuds left. No petals to throw at our opponents and convince them, peacefully, sanely, with words, to understand that their way is the wrong way, leading to disaster and failure. And seas and oceans of tears. Wherever and whatever we can manage, we had better do so quickly.

Perhaps. Maybe. Possibly. Hopefully. The truth is finally coming to the surface. Bursting through the thick layer of ugliness of lies and anger and hate. Perhaps our legislators will actually find their inner strength, and knowing what is right, will engage in doing what is right. Otherwise, the confrontations are going to grow larger, more vociferous, more violent. The patience of most of the populace has eroded down to the last very thin layer. Trump's approval polls are more like disapproval polls at this point in time and thank G-d for that. 

Pipe dreams? Coming attractions? The endings remain unknown. The great movie maker in the sky has left it to us to pick and choose, to create or destroy. Even as we are so manifestly abusing that privilege. Always to remember and heed the warning: when one abuses a privilege, one loses that privilege.

 It has been thus in all of our yesterdays.

It has become more of the reality of our todays.

And the coming attractions of our tomorrows are veering to the vile.    

Time to choose. Time to X the box. Time to circle the answer. Time to opt for one of the choices. And bear the consequences and the difficulties.   

Hopefully a positive choice from all, or most, will become a reality and we will avert a new Book which begins "And in the beginning..."  

BRRR! AND YOU CAN MAKE THAT A DOUBLE!

  I cannot believe that I am sitting here, February 2nd, 2026, in the state of Florida, the land of sunshine and warmth. I am freezing. Seeking out a pair of gloves. Wrapping a winter jacket around me. Never in all the years that we have been coming down to Florida and/or living here, have we faced such cold. Adding to the nastiness of cold weather, is that we are facing a deep freeze, a true Burrrrr, from the rest of the world.

Once we were the center of a circle of friends and allies. Even those who did not truly want to be there knew it was a must. Today, however, that demented man posing as a president has caused ice to form, causing pressure upon the circle and the alliances among the circle, intruding into the cracks between, breaking this circle apart. Huge chunks of floes and icebergs raise the height of possibility of danger of collision. Alliances are reformatting themselves, with former enemies talking trade deals to replace those lost due to the intransigence and stupidity and arrogance of Trump. 

Strangely enough, even as the temperature around the world gets colder and colder, the temperature within the nation is heating up. At ever a faster pace, faster than even the direst pessimist had thought possible. Paradoxically, the temperature of the nation both plummets to the deep freeze at the same time that it is flaring into flames ever stronger, ever closer, ever more powerful and widespread, eminently more than capable enough to burn this nation apart. Furthermore, the Phoenix will not rise from the ashes of this conflagration.    No heat of creativity and rebirth. Any such possibility will be smothered, frozen, rendered impotent by the ice remaining. 

A major newspaper asked yesterday how did we get here? The answer is truly not difficult. Simply all we need do is look in the mirror. That is how we got here. We, the people of this nation, fell down on the job. Abdicated our responsibilities. Focused on that which need not have a focus and lost focus on that which was desperately calling out for attention. Waves of uncertainty began to waft over the land. They began to grow in size, power and noticeability. Foolishly, as mobs in the street, we just ran after one who called out how wonderful he was and lied about the good he was going to bring forth upon this land, even the world. We did not do the proper research necessary to avoid the catastrophe that he has brought upon this nation. 

We now have more than the beginning, more than the sparks at hand sufficient to incite a Civil Rebellion. Within this nation! Unthinkable, and yet, here we are, at the point where the word revolution begins, where we recreate our own Fort Sumter and the roar of the guns deafen us all. We have deserted our core ethics, the principles that held us together as a nation, that tied us together as one unit, made even stronger by the powerful knitting and weaving together of the various strands that made up this nation.

We glommed onto easy excuses as to why this nation was going through rough times. We forgot who we are. Who we were. Who we are to be. And began to accept the categorization of people as subhuman, not worthy of being called Americans. As we forgot that at one time our ancestors, be they Irish, Italian, Jewish. Polish. Russian. Scottish were also deemed not worthy. But the nature, the very foundation of this nation allowed for the melding together of these strands and we moved on and upward. Accepting the best and building upon it. We all became Americans. No hyphenated forms of that. Until suddenly, the hyphens took over.

Perhaps it had always been there beneath the surface. Either that or nasty names with which they were dubbed. We forgot in our arrogance that we too were not native to this land. That we sprang, originated, from somewhere else. Even the Native Americans, the indigenous, came here from elsewhere. Thus, the question remains as from whence did these hyphens come? Why have we allowed them to separate us? No longer all Americans. But xyz---- Americans.

Perhaps much of this ugliness was given fresh life during the first half of the 20th century when world wars separated the populations of the world. It became Japanese Americans. Irish Americans, Italian Americans. Jewish Americans. Etc. It seems that we never lost the fear or the mistrust of someone who had possibly recently arrived. First or the second generation. And that distrust was exacerbated by the ugliness of World War Two. Japanese Americans. German Americans. Foreign nationals. Dubbed so, even though they had lived here. For decades. Or were even born here. But look different. Live differently

That ugliness has never gone away. It has been exacerbated by the fact that many of the more recent immigrants seeking the same things that our ancestors have different names. Different religions. Different ethnicities. So many differences. Thus, it was easy and remains easy for too many to call them out, to cast suspicion upon them, to blame them for that which they are not to be blamed for.

Their languages set them apart. Their clothing set them apart. Their prayers set them apart. Their skills set them apart. Easy targets. And Trump took that easy target. ratcheted it up in full force. With all his might. And convinced too many of us to follow along. To take the easy way out, rather than to look deep within ourselves, within our nation, and see where we went wrong, what we must do, what we had to do in order to retrieve our true selves. to find our souls once again and cleanse them.

Somewhere within one, then two, then 10, then 20, then a 1000, then tens of thousands found the truth within. Remembered who we are. Reminded ourselves that immigrants are people, just as our immigrant ancestors were. Just as perhaps we ourselves were and are. When and why did this national shame morph into government approved murder. Approval of fascistic traits and tendencies. Masked and armed. Criminals parading around with federal approval. Violence in the streets. Civilians vs federal forces. Forces which disgusted any sane and reasonable person, anyone who saw in those beatings the beatings of others, perhaps their own at other times in other ands.  We allowed this and now must try to find a way to stop it. Before we become what would shame us forever in the annals of history.     

And we woke ourselves up to the other ugliness. The return to dictatorial authoritarian governmental rules, forms and edicts. Of privileged characters of determination to keep the rest down. To take privileges for the privileged. None for the rest. To allow the crudest among us to declare, demand a brutalizing of the levels of culture. Of taste fallen into the deepest depths, the lowest common denominator, garish and tasteless, vulgar and self-serving.

 We allowed these people to do that which was forbidden. To tear down the buildings of our nation. The White House. National Historical Buildings. The Rose Garden. And now the threat to the Kennedy Center which that man has already demeaned, debased and trashed, now planning to tear it down and rebuild in his own image. The American Ramses. Even to the point of interfering with the Smithsonian and its displays, cross the country actually, going deep into the education systems of the nation, far beyond what is necessary and allowable. That imbecile, that boor is singlehandedly along with his coterie of suck-ups, transforming the land into what it was never meant to be.   

Where does this all end? Is there an end that can be seen? Can we pull ourselves out of the muck? Haul ourselves to an erect position and put aside the differences we have ginned up unnecessarily? That had been forced upon us, and that we have swallowed. Can we become Americans, one and all America as it was, as it was dreamed of and fought for and built - until, the destroyers of today arrived on the scene.

If the answers to those questions and concerns do not come up as a positive, as a yes, we can, yes, we will, then in the very near future, nearer than we might be thinking, we will have dissolved our essence. Our 'Americanness' and diluted its value with the pollution generated by Trump and his cohorts. Not only our country, but the entire world as he fractures the world order with bizarreness and havoc.   

Time is a fleeting, folks. At ever faster rate. At ever faster pace. The further we go, the more difficult it will be to find our way back. Perhaps at some point we will not be able to do that. And we'll have lost ourselves to a history which was not what we wanted. Not what we strived for. And not, certainly not, what we wish to pass on to our descendants.

Wake up, folks. The alarm is ringing again and again and again.

When we forget the truth of yesterday.

We lose the integrity of today.

Make impossible the best of tomorrows. 

Ticktock. Ticktock. 

AND SO WHAT ELSE?

 Truthfully, I am not sure of the meaning of that question. What else - What? What are we speaking about? If this person thinks that the 'gifting' of a syndrome or named disease or serious injury causes an automatic change, many changes, serious changes, there is a seriously wrong conception at play. Of course, changes must, should, be made, for adjustment, for treatment, for acceptance. But on the whole, life goes on. Much as it had before, and strange to say, in some ways better. 

People are funny. Not funny as in ha, ha, but rather as funny strange, quite often damaging to the quality of life lived. For example, we swear to ourselves that we will not worry about Matter X. better to focus on Matter Y. But in fact, in reality, we do the opposite. Even if we kept to that decision for a while, we definitely, for the most part, do not remain on that path. 

Soon enough, we return to the same old habits, the same old fretting, the same old aggravation and disturbance to the peace and joy in our lives. More importance and stress are placed, directed, to that which is actually temporary as we often downplay, neglect even, that which is far more likely to enhance our lives and remain with us far longer, tapped into memories and hearts. than that which is more likely to remain with us in pain. 

Adding trouble to troubles, we fool ourselves via a series of inevitably short lived switcheroos. One day, one week, one month we will seek that which will bolster our new resolution, thus convincing us that we are indeed serious about making a change in our life and in fact, have already done so. Pat on the back! 

However, determination eventually begins to give, and one begins to flag in the efforts to maintain change, to avoid the old and so sadly familiar      paths. The weight and the lure of a falsely easier   path in life begin to crush and at varying speeds one is right back in the same old place. Or perhaps even worse, knowing that one has lost that which was good, but too difficult to keep in place.   

However, when one's life is changed, refocused for us, involuntarily, most often there is a permanent shifting of the tracks of life. All that was seemingly oh so important, so critical to one's life loses its luster and attraction, fades back into the background. "Stuff". The vast amounts of items that were of most importance, absolute necessities, so critical to a 'good life' begin to seem like invaders in your home, conducive to thoughts of ' What the hell were we thinking'? 

One begins to pick and choose as values change and worth and importance become quite relative, often clashing and confusing to others who are not at the same point. Connections to tradition, to family and its history, its principles. The need, the drive, to pass this on. To imbue the next generation with this understanding. To share as much as one can with the younger generation. For when one is gone, all that remains untold is forever to be lost. 

Along with all that is the wish to leave something behind which will go further into the future. To leave the world a better place for your contribution. to it. In some way, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. The ways of life are changeable and can shift on a dime. Perhaps that seemingly insignificant contribution would at that time fill a sudden vacuum and be of more importance than had ever been thought possible.    Lead in a positive manner. Perhaps that is egotistical. But it does drive one with that newly diagnosed fate. And believe it or not, it feels good.

That might seem strange for in trying to pass on one's thoughts, one's ethics and principles to a larger audience, there is inevitable aggravation. The terrible wrongs. The lost values. The wrongly valued. Aggravation. Disappointment. However, as these emotions and opinions make their way through to the surface, as they are spoken and/or    written, there actually is a relief. One is finally free to say what one thinks and feels, for there is little of consequence available, powerful enough, to shut that person down. Some do not like it. Some do appreciate. Some do not understand. Some begin to think otherwise. But isn't that one of the purposes, a way and manner via through which one can indeed add to the sum total of Tikun Olam.

What I personally find among my changes is that I do indeed feel free to voice my thoughts and be almost impervious to negativity directed at me due to a difference of opinion. However, that's their problem, not mine. And I am humbled by the numbers of readers I do have, from round the world. It amazes me.

Additionally, one truly learns not to sweat the little things. Better to focus on larger areas of more serious concern. Others might not see it that way, but again, that is their problem - not mine. What is of far more importance to me is to make sure that I live a life complete with joy and strength when the awful or unexpected occurs. 

I have learned how to rid my mind and my heart of that which is truly not important, not worthy of any attention and time, for the time allotted to me must be spent positively rather than in false worlds of false values. To know that family is Family. To take joy when my grandchildren call, when I hear the sweet voices of the greats. When my children call every day, as they do, and we have good conversations. Enjoy all the generations and their interactions, the ties for the future. Have faith that they will remember the necessity of remaining close.  

Enjoy life. In any which way is possible. To remain with laughter and a smile. To share with others the gifts of humor and care and concern. In fact, that is probably a 'gift' of the diagnosis. There's a new world in this life. That is the world of serious critical rehab and maintenance. It is a world of warmth. Of shared concerns. Laughter. And yes. even hope. It is a world of people whom I never would have known but who have enhanced my life and become a most important part of it. And I a part of theirs.

So. No what else. There is so much that remains of absolute value and equally as much that which is new. There are new scales of evaluation and a sense of refreshment. Revalued. Rewarding. Yes, even as one knows the deal, the details, to be realistic. But also yes, to be prepared. To remain as active and connected as possible.     

To remember, with warmth, the good of yesterday.

To live as best as possible in the todays of now.  

To plan for the tomorrow and the tomorrow after that.

To know and have faith that all comes for a reason. Even as that reason might never be understood.

Life is the 'what else' of this world - and the future. as well.

I have life.

SO YOU'RE FINE"

 No, the proper term is not fine but actually maintaining and even improving in some areas.  Everything is in relative terms, but I am also falling back in other areas. My classification remains the same as last year, which in itself is a pretty substantial statement; however, the end result does not really change nor have the expectations -people with PD will eventually end their lives in manners attributable to PD and its consequences.

Yes, we all die. That is part of life, and no one can avoid it. However, the deal or the hope is to reach that end in as peaceful state as possible, after hopefully having lived a life where one made a difference, a positive difference, large or small, to someone or something. I suppose the truth and value of one's life will be made clear at that time of final judgment, but as one, as anyone, nears the end of a lifetime, that is not the time to worry about what you might have left out.

Instead, one has to look forward to the time left, the time remaining during which the idea is not “to eat, drink, and make merry, for tomorrow we might die". It is instead the period when one makes the most or the best use of that time, in the sharing of love and hope and passion, a passion to make a difference, to speak one's mind, no matter how many might oppose it. 

No matter how many might disapprove of it. For that time remaining belongs to the person, not the congregation, not the group, but to that specific individual. That individual has the right, the need, to make the decisions which are most compelling and fulfilling, and those decisions are actually the measure of one's life, an opening statement, shall we say, for that final court date.  

Sitting in the waiting room between appointments one only had to look around and see which people sitting there, patient, relative, or advocate, was comfortable with the state of being and those not. No one welcomes an end to a life with loved ones aplenty and good memories sufficient enough to cancel or at least lighten the unbearable pain of periods of life lived, unless it will be a cessation of unbearable pain and loss. A way or path to reunite with those gone before, a time to make amends in whatever manner possible, which we will have to find out at the right moment. There is a way to approach it calmly and sanely, not fighting that which cannot be fought. The best choice would be    to do one's best to make those final moments, those final answers to the extra credit questions, worthy of consideration and consequence.

That isn't easy. I can tell you that for a fact, at least in my own personal life and thinking. People have asked me why do I expose my inner personal being at this point in time? My answer is why not? If it makes it easier for me, if it possibly helps at least one person out there even a tad, then again, why not? Perhaps this frail little old lady has something good remaining, worthy of sharing and at the very least perhaps assuaging her own inner needs. So, even should you disapprove, as the saying goes - "Tough Bugs! Deal with it."

As I was going through the various drills and tasks assigned to me yesterday as part of the evaluation process, a section of the mind, it's gears and gadgets turning independently, apart from the rest of me, I would catch a moment's glance at the man sitting there looking at me, but not seeing me - not at that moment in time. What is he seeing? The future, the present, the life we have shared together, so intertwined it is often difficult, nigh unto   impossible to distinguish between the two? 

 One life from the time we met as callow silly little youths on the cusp of adulthood, age 14 and 16. Little could we have imagined that one day we would be sitting here, dealing with questions of life and death, of preparations of life skills, life's needs and wondering, hopefully, that we will be able to have a 60th wedding celebration with family and friends, along the lines of the 50th.

Reality hits us. It would never be the same. Half in jest we began to call out names of those with whom we would love to share those moments. We ran head on to the terrible reality. It would indeed never be the same. It was with a shock to the heart, the realization that so many of our friends were either no longer with us or in the midst of their own end of life health crisis, unable to travel, unable to join us physically at that moment. 

That “discovery” shook us. How did this happen? When did it happen? How did we never put it all together? Perhaps because we were so wrapped up in our own changing lives. As we adjusted to our new life parameters and demands, new goals and expectations, as changing limitations and new possibilities made themselves known to us. As our lives shifted, as the inner world of ours became more demanding, necessitating adjustments to what had to be met, and events did not always add up the way they might have at other times. 

I think more of my parents now. How close they were. How close and beloved they were to each other. How they always put each other first. How they always held hands. How they valued the family they had created together.  I think of the moment when I unintentionally came upon them in a moment of deep intimacy and love, not long before my father came home under hospice conditions. They were sitting together, their heads, touching, forehead to forehead, mind-to-mind, heart to heart. I saw the tears roll down their faces as they held each other, sobbing silently. As I said nothing to interfere and backed slowly without a sound out of the room, allowing them their privacy in what perhaps was one of the very last moments of being together, aware of each other, knowing of the separation to come.

 I remember my mother, her gradual withering away even as she laughed and smiled and was loved and loved in turn, for she wanted only my dad, to be together as they were, and always will be, from the ages of fourteen and sixteen.

And rising in my mind's eye, in my heart's core, I see and remember another couple of ages 14 and 16. I have “ordered” Gerry to allow me to go first, spoken many times with the Lord Above how it had to be thus, for a life without him, G-d forbid, would be impossible. And I know that he is thinking the same way, along the same lines, as he looks at me, not seeing me as I am now but as we were, and how we have "decided" to go together, in our sleep, holding hands, to share the future of the new lives awaiting, even as we shared the past and the present, the always and forever

It is a very difficult thing to do to contemplate a future that is unknown. No matter how many legends, how many lectures, how many books have been written about it, about what comes after, it is a frightening concept. Will we be alone? Will we be able to share this new life? Will we reunite with our loved ones gone before? Will I be able to give my grandparents another series of hugs and kisses, simply holding them as I missed them so much.  Will I, we, be able to hold our beautiful Yitzy, our 13-year-old grandson torn from our hearts, from our family, so early, so unfairly.

This most recent evaluation gives us hope that even as there are difficult days, weeks, months, hopefully years remaining, hopefully also remaining are good years. To share our lives and our love. With friends and family. To engage with our kids, the three generations that we have been blessed with. Our children, our grandchildren and our oh so beloved great grandchildren who hold our hearts and souls in their tiny, little hands, who light up our lives with every little squeak and smile, every toy and project they 'gift' us with.

Perhaps we all should not wait until the end nears to take stock of our lives. To understand and accept that those strange people who look back at us from within the mirror are not our parents but are ourselves. We are not those 18-year-olds taking new steps into this world, those kids we still remain inside, for our steps now lead us into another new world, a better world.     

There is, in fact, much to think of, much to consider and still much to live.

It is that time to pack up and return home. We have visited the Institute, and we are hopeful that barring anything unforeseen, we still have good times   awaiting us. To enjoy - and exercise - the prerogative of parents of adult children, to annoy them. Time to spend with our grandchildren now grown up into beautiful people who make us proud. And those blessed little ones around whom we   have wrapped entirely within our arms and hearts and minds and very being and thank G-d for these blessings and more, which God has endowed us with. Far weightier than the problems that we faced in life.

I wish you all a weekend of love and peace and harmony. A weekend on which we can pray for the world to heal itself. A weekend in which we treasure the true moments and cast aside all that is negligible and not worthy of our care or concern or time.

So it was yesterday.

So it is today.

And G-d willing, 

so it will be tomorrow. 

Perhaps even better.

So, yes, darling daughter, may be "fine.   

PS:  A heartfelt thank you and Hakarot Hatov to those who wrote to me after reading this piece on the blog (estherblogspot.blogspot.com) or on Facebook. I remember you all and love you all.

TODAY

 Today is a big day for me Not necessarily in terms of good news but not bad news, I hope. Every six months or so, I go to a place which specializes in issues such as Parkinson's or ALS or any kind of neurodegenerative disease and I get evaluated by people who no connection to me. Therefore, I am hoping that they will be objective and truthful as to where I stand in the five levels of PD.

  Why do I do this when I have at least 4 to 6 active hours a week of PT, boxing, walking, any kind of exercise which demands movement, challenge and courage, so certainly I should have a sense of where I am on he PD Scale. I do, and so do my therapists and boxing coaches, etc. However, when you see someone twice a week, week after week after week a relationship develops and when people get along with each other, it's not so easy sometimes to impart to them statements which are not necessarily encouraging.

 On the previous visit, I was sure that I was at a 4 1/2 out of five, definitely not good news at all. I thought my therapist were not passing on a correct evaluation because they didn't want to hurt me, as they actually liked me as much as I liked them - a great deal. However, when they finished the evaluation at the Institute I was told I basically had remained the same. I had maintained at a two and a half and the biggest problem was what is called retrograde propulsion, which is an involuntary movement of taking steps to the rear. In other words, walking backwards, which is not a good thing to do because it's not exactly contributory to maintaining one's balance and not ending up on the floor. That is a major no-no.

 So here I am today after a 4 hour drive up and two overnights, another 4-hour drive home, waiting to get evaluated in speech, occupational therapy, physical therapy, posture, balance, agility, speed of movement, pace and distance of walking, mood and cognition, and outlook on life. My main concern, I believe, is my balance and some involuntary movement. But I don't believe it is too bad, and I am hopeful of not really crashing past a 3 if I have to leave my preferred home of two and a half.

 What I especially like about the Institute is that there is no sense of mourning here that one has been caught, captured by PD, trashing a life and all good things in life are now unreachable. That is a terrible attitude and the Institute along with any good therapist will join you and fight just as fiercely with and for their clients to have an optimistic viewpoint in life. Positive outlooks can be fulfilling and contributing in and of themselves.  In addition, seeing a place like this wholly dedicated to this sector of diseases which afflict people is encouraging. They are up to date, are extremely helpful in suggestions and ideas, and I know because I practice quite a few of them which they have given me during my visits.

 Over the years since my diagnosis, going through at least 4 movement specialists who left for research positions, and numerous other critical health personnel, I have found that there is one aspect of life thing that is the most debilitating of all. FEAR. It is overwhelming when asked to do something which you have not done before, or at least not for quite some time. Or caused you to fall the last time you tried it. Not remaining erect but taking a big whopper down to the floor. This FEAR is the greatest enemy of mine and others and has been most difficult for me to overcome. However, enthusiastic backers encourage one to overcome that feeling, or at least set it aside or tamp it down to just as long that you need in order to be able to do that with you have been asked to do thus allowing you to move forward in another session. And to take pride in yourself as well.

 What has been most encouraging and strengthening is the social interaction that occurs in the clinics. It is not only physical exercise there, but rather, it is also the repartee back and forth between the therapists and the clients and the relationship which develops amongst them. Within those clinics there is no pity. There is no serious whining and for the most part, smiles and laughter and encouragement of each other are plentiful, generously dispensed. A warm feeling of love and concern permeated the air.

 So no, I am not recommending that one go out and figure out a way how to achieve that wonderful status of P. D. Or some other neurodegenerative disease. I am saying this is not the end of the world. No, one does not go tiptoeing through the tulips with Tiny Tim upon diagnosis. In fact, one most probably breaks down and cries as I did. However, I have had wonderful health personnel along the way, who have gotten me over any of the humps and hurdles that I have faced so far. They laugh and struggle along with me, encourage appreciate and push me to continue new activities undertaken over the course of this PD. Painting. Woodworking. I Skills in these areas growing and challenging.   

 The key here is to keep busy, to keep active physically and mentally. Read books, fiction and non-fiction, whatever appeals to you. Take on some physical activities new to you. Watch some TV that makes you think or laugh but is not inane.  Be a volunteer. Join clubs. But do not stay locked in one's home, doing absolutely nothing or feeling sorry for oneself.  

 Indulge yourself. Have a milk shake. Go see two movies a week if you enjoy it. We do. Rediscover the music of your youth and sing and dance along with it in your home. No one is watching. And if they are watching, tell them to join in. Discover a love of walking along  a beach or other forms of art and music. Whatever works for you short of criminal activities - LOL. Don't worry about what you look like or how beginning level your skills are. 

 There is one last thing one must understand. Sometimes because of the stiffness of the muscles, or severe back pain, or weaker legs, and the fear that you have sometimes of the difficult activities that you are asked to do, one begins to restrict the walking, one of the best activities for PD.  Don't fall prey to false, stupid pride, as most of us do or did, for it is both foolish and restrictive of what is best for you. Use that cane. Use the walker. I know I am much more confident if I have a cane when walking outside, and a walker if there is any kind of distance to cover. It enlarges one's world.      

 Life continues. For the most part it is good. What is going to come we hope will be in the far future and will hopefully not come in its full power. In the meanwhile, we have places to go, things to do and people to see. Annoy your children - payback for raising them. I especially enjoy talking with my grown-up grandchildren and find especially most delightful, my great grandchildren, the dividends from the dividends.   

 So, if you are newly diagnosed with some neurodegenerative disease, like Parkinson's, the one I know, yes, you are allowed to cry. Yes, you are allowed to have moments of wondering what the hell! But for the most part you can continue on with good friends and healthy lives and activities and be the person that you were before, even better for the new experiences and lessons that you are learning and undergoing.

 Positive attitudes even with the sprinkling of some negativity at times. Normal is the best way to make one's way through life.

So it was yesterday

So it is today.

And with the help of G-d,

So it will be tomorrow. 

AND THE CHILDREN RETURN

  The Old Testament, the Bible of the Jews, of the Jewish people, is filled with statements, reminders, promises, that the Children of Israel will return, always, to their home, their ancient homeland. The land from which they have been exiled and been returned to so many times over the centuries. From the four corners of the earth, they will return. And the State of Israel has spared no effort to retrieve the bodies of their slain and imprisoned held as hostages to reinforce blackmail demands upon Israel to release the worst of the terrorists held in their prisons, those who had committed terrorist actions against scores, thousands, of Israeli civilians and citizens.

This determination, this commitment to have all of our children, alive, dead or missing to be returned to our homeland is forever. The most recent example of this - the hostages. Taken prisoner, dead and alive, dying or already dead as they were dragged over the Gaza Border. Into crowds of howling, bloodthirsty jubilant Palestinians; no, no innocent civilians here other than the Jews and other innocents they had taken, to be confined to dank dungeons, to be tortured and starved, isolated and demeaned, for two years. Even unto death during their awful beastly imprisonment by beasts in human form.  

Israel, rightfully so, refused to commit to a full pull out from Gaza. Until every single hostage was returned. And despite the obstinacy, the inhumanity of Hamas and Islamic Jihad, they held their stance and two days ago Ran Gvilli, the last hero left in captivity, was returned to his people, to his nation. To his family to receive the honorable burial he so deserves and the honoring of his name. To allow for the final last chair at Hostage Square to be removed. His pictures removed. And the yellow ribbons of our prisoners, of our abused hostages. can be safely removed from our coats, jackets and necklaces. 

We are home. But we are not foolish enough nor naive enough to think that these attempts, these attacks, these kidnapping of Israelis, to slaughter and to hold as prisoners, will end. Hence Israel showed the world their true courage and insistence on the safety and homecoming, the return of all of her people, and all of her people are the Jewish people the world round. 

Now. What now remains is for Hamas and Islamic Jihad and all terrorists within Gaza to put down their arms. To hold up their hands empty of weapons and commit to peaceful coexistence. They within Gaza and we within Israel. To stop inciting terrorist attacks among Palestinians in Israel, including Judea and Sameria and recognize Jerusalem as our eternal and forever Capital of our people. Forever. From the beginning of time to the end of time. To accept normalization with Israel. For it is the best for all people. 

 The nation of Israel, the people of Israel, the majority of the Jewish people around the world, are committed to her survival. No amount of screaming nor threats will change minds and commitment. It is time for the world to accept that as fact. Time to move on. Seek ways to fulfill the command that we have always known and believed and acted upon. Tikkun Olam. The repair of that which is wrong in this world. Time for all to engage in it, to expend the energies we have wasted in the pursuit of that which is wrong, that which is harmful. Imagine what humanity could accomplish if we all cooperated rather than vying for temporary pieces of power. But for that to be, it is not only the Israelis and the Palestinians, the Arabs and the Jews, the Muslims and Christians and all religions, all those with lack of religions to realize and accept the truth. All must do so.

The truth is manifold. The truth is that we must all recognize and accept the humanity of all. Whether they look like us, pray like us. Follow the same customs. Or even at the same level of civilization. Certainly, those of us who appear to be at the peak of civilization of these times had better think again. When we all realize that we are more the same than different and those differences are not really significant in the long run, only then will we be able to build a world of truth and justice. Of understanding of eternal truths. And the necessity to act upon them. 

To understand that we are in trouble in this world because we elect, stand by and abide, the worst leaders we can find. We are blindly. or selfishly, or ignorantly following the hypnotic notes of their pipers, down the path of peril. Listening to their seductive tones.  Until we reach a point of no return. The Doomsday Clock is now set at 85 seconds before midnight. Less than two minutes. It is not even a minute and a half. We must shake ourselves and get rid of those leaders which only endanger us and increase the peril we all face. So close. so nearby in time and place.  

 One of the ways to finally get some peace in this world is to understand that the creation of Israel, its acceptance, its permanence, and its purpose, to serve as a haven for all Jews facing oppression. For all Jews wishing to return home for whatever reason, is in fact in the hands of G-d. The One Above. Not in the hands of the haters. When we realize and accept that, we will begin to accept other eternal truths. Then, please G-d, we will become the best that we can be, with the best leaders we can find. Rather than the pathetic specimens we now have.  

That is one of the eternal truths of this world. Wait for another world if this disagrees with you. But The Lord G-d has never shown any long-term favor to the mighty, the oppressors, the dregs of the world, other than to punish the peoples of the world who will have descended into the lowest depths to which man can fall. He wants the best for us and from us. This is only possible in a world where we acknowledge His rule, His Presence, His Commandments. And learn to live in harmony and acceptance with each other, of and for each other. A world of justice and equity. A world of trust and friendship. 

We are so far distant from that these days. We have leaders who endorse murder. Even of their own. We have leaders and their followers who single out groups for oppression. Even for slaughter. We have leaders who have not a wisp of humanity within. Who are selfish, greedy, and amoral. Beyond any level of acceptance or comprehension.  

I, along with so many others, are arriving or have arrived there already at the conclusion that we are at the end of another cycle in history. Another cycle where we have proven to be undeserving of the gifts that we have been given.   

We must wake up.

We must.

Or others will wake us up.

Not a pleasant thought.

Terrifying, in fact, to think of what we are condemning our future generations to face.

Check history books and the Bible for vivid descriptions of what we have already suffered by our disappointing G-d so grievously that there is no alternative.

Not yesterday.

Not today.

Certainly not tomorrow.       

Alas it is too real

Unfortunately, all that is written in this posting is too true. Events and talk of yesterday added proof to the pudding. As few read this original posting, I am leaving it on for today's reading. It is quite long and full of powerful words and emotion. I cannot wish you happy reading 

 For quite some time now, years, the decade plus, this man and his evil cohorts, all selfish, consumed with greed and lust for power, for influence, for money, have continued their march on America. Yes, they are the ones marching and treading on America. The rest of us, most of us, have kept our heads down. Or professed words of disbelief. That somehow the “government” will step in and return to sanity. But how is one to expect an insane organization to suddenly repair itself and return to sanity. I can't see it happening. Not when those perpetrating this horror upon the American people are fellow Americans. Never. Ever. And yet, we are here. Again. Protests. Violence. For good reason.

Only this time it is not only our kids who were rebelling. Our older teens and young adults. Those who naturally come to rebellion. Even though often times that rebellion is seen as far more serious than it is and then turns it into that. Which it was not. However, at these protests. And yes, they are protests and yes, there is great emotion in them. How could there not be? But in these protests? It is you and I, All of us. Well, most of us. Standing there with wide open eyes. Mouth hanging in disbelief. As we are being shot. Attacked by federal agents.

Yes, attacked. Yes, by federal agents. By poorly trained, if any training at all came their way. Sent out into citizens angry at injustice, at the fate of their fellow Americans, human beings, child and adult. Whether they are "legal" Americans or not. Killed, shot, post haste. Numerous videos of the slaying of Renee Goode, of Alex Petrie, an ICU nurse! Shot and killed by grown men who think they are living their boyhood fantasy. Look at them, standing there with their fingers rolling up and down, back and forth, back and forth. Like the Gunslingers of the movies, waiting for the duel at high noon. Only this is not a duel; these are the outright criminal slaying of two innocent people, criminal, even as the order itself is criminals, and all those tarred with this ugliness must pay the proper penalty. Right up to the very top. The commander in chief of this nation. A man who has clearly been indicted for other criminal acts though he has never been brought to court due to his so undeserved position as president of this nation. So cursed are we. 

We are killing ourselves. We are chasing after fellow Americans, people in our nation. People who work in our nation. We are tired of the angry nasty murderous, literally murderous fever which has been whipped up against them. Murdered despite the fact that they were not guilty of any crime, And. certainly not of one deserving the death penalty wielded in frontier justice with an immediate "lynching".

 No. Renee Goode was not running her car over an ICE officer. Alex fought against his arrest once they began to wrestle him to the hard cement, violently, even as he had walked there peacefully, resisting only with nonviolent moves we all know from the many sources which teach us that technique. Once he saw that they were using violence on him, tackling him down for no reason, he used wrestling technique to remain difficult to move and take down ad beat up, but for all that, as he lay in the cold, defenseless, we heard - Bang!  Bang - Bang, Bang, Bang. He knew what would happen if taken down - and he was right. Yet another American exercising a right granted to all of us and now gone in the ugly sounds of America today. Even as people came to help him. Even as he was down on his back. The officer shot. Bang. Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! And another one goes down.

As far as those who think they will be excused for following illegal orders for committing murder, strutting around, holding on to the yellow tape, as if the tape could hold back an angry mob. Stomping behind crowds of protesters that they are pushing away. With their long guns out and up, open for shooting. Into the backs of fellow citizens.  Fellow human beings.

What have we done? What are we doing? Is there in fact any chance, any wisp off a possibility, that the fear that I have. along with many now beginning to express that we have passively begun to accept or have already accepted the horrendous thought that 30 years into the future, when all will have calmed down, hopefully, and perhaps we are even lucky enough to have returned to our senses, returned to an America that we know, that was fought for over the centuries,  historians will call this either the Second American Revolution or the Second Civil War? All capitalized. Words all dripping with blood spilled. Where no blood had to be spilled at all.

This is what happens, unfortunately when we abdicate our responsibilities. When we push it off to somebody else. Do you remember the old advertisement "Give it to Mikey. Let Mikey eat it.". That was when we began saying. "Let him do it. Let her do it. Let them do it. I'm too busy." And so, we neglected ourselves, and we neglected our country. We neglected morality. Gradually, over the years, culminating in the Trumpian Dystopian State we now have. We have currently lost the opportunity for peaceful change. Far too many like the place in which they are now. Having worked themselves up in the corrupt administration. Headed up by the corrupt individuals and the specific individual in DC. The man who is intent on shredding this nation, rending it asunder. Literally and figuratively, be it by words or actions of violence, or destruction. Of important pieces of who we are, of buildings critical to our image and ethos, to our history.  Morals, thoughts, principles. of the America we once knew. Once we thought to be with us forever.  With stupidity. Laziness. Selfishness. Unthinking. We allowed this to happen. And we are reaping the awful consequences of that untoward behavior that we exhibited. Inevitably deeming and delivering ourselves, our families and friends, our neighbors. our country, and the world into an ugliness which seems impossible. And yet. What else can one think?

Widen your vision to take in the nations of the Third World. Even of the Second World. It begins with protests. Brutally put down by police and then armed soldiers. Of the nation. In the name of law and order. Someone in the government, either the one in place or someone who wishes to take his place, then imposes martial law upon the nation. With a vicious venom. After all that, blame can be laid upon any nearby person or group.  Not so gradually that nation turns rotten. A state of dictatorship. Of people of lost hope. Of a depression national in scope. And that wafts in the air, along with the remnants of tear gas and pepper spray. The echoes of bullets and flashes. Eventually consuming another nation. And another nation. And another nation. We, the nations of the West thought that we were immune to this. After all, other than under King George the Third we have had a democracy here. We have always elected our leaders. They have not been imposed upon us, although I tend to question whether that statement is so or not.

But those wafts of poison, of depression, of violence, of repression and protest continue on their way. They seemingly are unable to be stopped. And in fact, rather than die away over there, they appear to strengthen themselves. Feeding upon the ugliness of the nations over whom they pass, and the sounds and the smells are ever clearer, ever louder. Almost before one even understands what   we have allowed to happen, we are involved in the midst of protests gone nuclear. We are not quite there yet in this country. But for sure, folks, we're getting there. At an ever-faster pace. With ever stronger emotions. And few limitations.

What comes next in this posting is a topic I have been thinking for quite some time.  But I have been pushing it out of my mind for how could this be? Not even he. the embodiment of those who would destroy this nation, even he? Has it reached that point? Is this what has happened and is happening and will be happening into the near and possibly not so near future.

Perhaps in an effort to prove to myself that I am not thinking and fearing that which should never be, which can never be, and yet is. Read the following. taken from various media. And then I will make my statement. Shocking myself as I put it into visible words. And yet. What else is left?

The following are words of the media. No effort has been taken to alphabetize or to organize by topic. Simply typing them out in the same order as I found them. Heard them. Or put them in a pile.

"Big companies and firms behind the app have ties to each other and Trump."

(That app would be the American app which apparently is not to be so American. To be the majority, it will be held by foreign nations and individuals, 80% by China.)

"In Minneapolis I glimpsed a civil war?"

"Investors flock back to hedge fund."

"Beijing has intensified its oversight of the technology industry. "

"The coming Trump crack up."

"Americans who protest are ordinary citizens."

"To halt Trump's abuse of power. Vote."

 "5 fronts in Trump's culture war: The Smithsonian Institution; Federal architecture; The Federal Communications Commission; The National Endowment for the Arts/National Endowment for the Humanities. The Kennedy Center." (Details are available anywhere you might feel yourself able to look.)

"A warning of American despair."

"Officials combating China Tech pushed out."

"Trump can't tolerate peace and quiet."

"Tensions unleash Roller Coaster Week in markets."

"Canada's Carney infuriates Trump."

"... A template on how to stand up to the Trump administration's. bullying. Just as the president was   threatening Europe with retribution." (Re Greenland. ETC.")  

A two page plus pictograph of the highly dubious. connections between Trump and all the people with whom he has huckster ties with, enriching them all, from whatever nation of origin. Oh, so edifying to contemplate!  Arab nations. His own family. China, and on and on. All connected in a spider web of ugliness. Not to forget corruptions.

"A year in Trump's economy is worse than the numbers."

"A speech skews the US role in Greenland's history and NATO. "

Trump's open persecution of his opponents. The weaponization of his government to choose and bring to trial those who do not belong in any trials. All for his merriment and oversized love of revenge and retribution.

"Trump puts himself atop Global Panel for peace." (Please note that he is the one single individual with the power to approve and disapprove any statement, any action, any decision emanating from that Board.  In the service of peace? More likely to service his needs and greed and those who join in.)   

"Years under Trump: Claims. Forces and Distortions: Foreign policy; Economy. Trade. Executive power. (That one's a real pip.) Immigration." (And much, much more.)

"Trump's politics are not America First. They're me first."

"Please, world leaders. Don't appease the US."

"Trump's threats to the world order."

A developing crisis for our children. Fringe doctors praising and pushing for independent decision whether to vaccinate a child, exposing all children to horrible diseases we once had eliminated. To horrible consequences for a lifetime. Even unto death.

For invading, yes, invading states of the Union. Vowing with his prissy mouth, stiff head, his nonfunctioning deteriorating body and equally shattered mind, and in his mental deliria vows to ramp it all up. To do even worse. Even against the words of senators, congressmen governors. And citizens of America.

Last but not least. "Trump's plundering of America.- how the president has pocketed.   $1,408, 500, 000." 

Here, folks, we come to the crux of the problem. Of the matter that has been eating away at me for some time. Though he has tried to stifle complaints and accusations, he cannot stifle it all as it grows apace. More and more people are seeing what I have been seeing. In addition to the blatant corruption that has compromised his entire administration, other thoughts are being "thunk", thoughts which should never be in play if all was right with our world.     

For some time now I have been trying to keep the words back. Cancel the thoughts. But it's not possible. For everything adds up to that one shocking thought. These words. These thoughts. are not spoken of in polite society. Possibly whispered about in circles of power and concern.  So much is wrong within this nation. Trump is most probably the point of origin for all that is wrong in his administration, for all that has managed to get together the most incompetent crew ever, all so busily chewing away at our foundations, I thought there would be an end. But I now believe it is more than that. And for the worst reason of all.

This man and the people around him have been thirsting always for wealth, power, and influence. Little people in every which way that counts. But big in his administration. He tried once to keep himself and his foul people in play, but thanks to the brave people who fought back, common citizens, the Capitol Police, this attempt was beaten back. However, that ambition remains and I see no reason, no hindrance to trying this a second time.   Aided and abetted by the fact that he now holds all reins of power, including those belonging to the armed forces, and has already deployed them. So why would he stop? We have very clearly seen the many who eagerly joined in the fray already, given free rein to kill and maim at their will. 

Inciting a rebellion. No, he did not try to incite it. he did incite it. But thanks to the brave people of the Capitol Police and others in the crowd, it was stopped. And he had to back down. There is nothing at present to stop him from doing this. Exponentially more powerful than he has been at the first attempt. before.

I can understand some who commit treason, are traitors to the nation - For political, philosophical reasons. They might be wrong. But at least there was somewhat of a purity, even a surface purity to it, however. this man is willing, has turned traitor. to this nation for the reasons of monetary accumulation. To his bottom line. It is for the filthiest motivation ever. in the history of this nation. His arrogance. His dangerous tactics. Every single thing that he has done and will do. Is connected to the accumulation. To that bottom line. 

I was willing to believe that at the very bottom somewhere squashed in there. was an element of loyalty to this nation. But now I believe there is none. Nothing if ever was.  Definitely absent at the present time. And for all time, I believe.

There, I said it aloud.

Dare I go further? Yes. In for a penny, in for a pound. Despite my reluctance to reach this conclusion the man continues to sell this nation and the world down some river where we will be powerless. Down the road down the river to China. Allows room for Putin to come in. 

Yes, there was nothing else to say other than this conclusion. So. Not a man in the full sense of the word. A man of no morals. A man true only to himself and his bottom line. All actions he takes Have one goal in mind. To increase his monetary worth.  

No.

Yes.

The man is a traitor to the very nation he is sworn to serve and protect. To guard with his life.

He is loyal only to himself and his bottom line.

First, last and always.

Woe upon us.

So, it was yesterday.

So, it is today.

And God help us. if so, it is tomorrow.