DEAR CHILDREN

  No, I am not writing this posting for those of us who behave as children, who have forgotten that when one grows up, one must act grownup. Certainly, during times of serious issues rife with contention and hostility. My intended audience are those children now considered adults, who now look upon their parents as older people, elderly people, incapable of running their own lives.

Children, step in and step up to those responsibilities. Yes, it is hard being part of a sandwich generation between your parents and elderly relatives left alone and one's own children needful of their own attention from you. But we have all gone through that. Each and every generation is a sandwich generation and believe it or not, most of your parents for the most part carried out the responsibilities, all that was laid upon them. And yes, they led busy lives, just as busy as yours and likely even more so as time saving devices were not as plentiful as those of today. No time and no right to moan and groan, or to act as if your burden is unique to only you.

Now it is all out in the open, you knowing you need to be there for your parents and your parents knowing that at times, like it or not, distasteful as it might be, they need your help. 

Time to discuss related issues. First understand that this is a hard step to take for parents. They look upon you still as children, needful of help, of advice. Parents, at least most, will never relinquish their concern for their children, for that inner drive, that natural instinct urges them to remember their parental responsibilities and to exercise them and the rights that parenthood devolves upon them. Once a child always a child and guardianship over that child is permanent. Never to be relinquished. Never to be ignored or discarded.

Parents must also remember and see for themselves. Those precious children, those cute little babes in arms, those adorable toddlers, those youngsters who thought you knew it all, those frustrating teenagers, have, in fact, grown up. They have established their own lives. They have built these lives as effort and chance meshed. Do they do things the way we think they should? Sometimes yes and sometimes no, but they are adults entitled to weave their own portrait of their own lives. 

That does not mean that we abandon them; only that we give them room to grow. Always allowing that little extra room for us to insert our advice or aid as needed and or possible. These children often become huffy and puffy when they feel their adulthood and the lives made for themselves and their families are questioned or demeaned. Kids, all that does is confirm the views of your parents- a great toddler tantrum and here you are again - a child once more. What they see before them is the child being denied a privilege and reacting inappropriately with disrespect of parents.

The key is to remain calm, cool and collected, and understand your place in their minds and hearts. Yes, they are proud of you. So very proud for what you have accomplished, and how you have turned out, fulfilling all the dreams and hopes and the moral lessons they tried to infuse deep within your heart and soul. But always and forever their baby.

Now for the child in this dual sided relationship. Your parents are not broken. Yes, there might be a crack or two. They might not have as much patience with fools or foolish deeds nor brakes over what they think and voice. It is sometimes deemed a privilege of the elderly, exasperating as it might be for those on the other end of a sharp tongue. Take it all with a grain of salt and know deep within you that your time will come. It always does.

So, dear children, A little patience yourself. Your parents have not become decrepit. A slowness in movement or more time needed to formulate a thought and opinion, a pain in the back or even yes, a complaint or two where formerly there were none - all this does not indicate a condition of "broken", nor of absolute necessity of guardianship over their own lives. That is a major no-no. If proven to be, G-d forbid, necessary, do so with addition of much of the ingredients of tact and patience and respect, and huge dollops of LOVE, for always, they are your parents. 

Why? Because just as you are their permanent baby, they are your parents. 

That was true and must remain to be true in all of our yesterdays, todays and tomorrows.