LIFE IS AS IT IS

  ...And we had better learn to accept that statement, with an understanding that if we begin with that as our baseline, we can then move forward in the proper direction.  Face value and baselines are important for balance in life, but equally as important are the immer urgings and the 'knowing' that we must do something constructive to improve those baselines, to be proactive and creative in setting things in motion with the goal to improve the baselines of life for as many as we can.  

At times understanding and acting on those understandings can be difficult, even contradictory.  One often has to see both sides of the coin, weigh those sides, and put the resultant array of possibilities in some kind of priority listing. That list might be provocative, confusing, and certainly challenging, in difficulty, in realistic terms of possibility and in the contradictions and conflicts highlighted. Decision making can have some sharp edges, can often lead to self-doubting. But if we have to walk down a fresh path there must be that first step, difficult as it might be.

It is not an easy thing to do. For it forces one to look inward. To evaluate oneself and one's life's choices. Even given the fact that at times the choice is presented to us and are most definitely not the choices we sought. But life is as it is. And one must work, at least from the start, with the tools at hand. Perhaps we can even create new ones. But present conditions of reality are the pens drawing the parameters of what we hope to achieve. It is what we do from that starting point to the finish line, which speaks to and of the assessment, the weighing of our lives as individuals and as members of society. 

The legacy left behind will either burnish or smear our lives, the memories we leave behind within others. Did we contribute to the task of Tikkun Olam, of fixing this world in ways both large and small. Noticeable and not so much. It is a difficult thing to assess from behind one's own eyeballs. It demands great introspective honesty, a trait not too many of us have, nor exercise for that matter. 

At present, at this stage and age in life, I try to think back and evaluate. What have I done, what have I contributed? What have I enabled others to contribute? I think I am, I hope I am, definitely on the positive side. Certainly not perfect. Far from it. Even in our todays I find it difficult, if not impossible, to reconcile certain tasks, certain thoughts. I flinch inwardly at the difficult task and wonder: Is this hypocrisy? Or is this reality? 

Is this a cost of "doing business”? But is it not necessary sometimes to hold that going out of business sale and then reopening, refreshed and better able to reconcile or come down definitively on one side of the coin and let the chips fall where they may? Is it a choice of the lesser evil or the more qualitative and quantitative good? Is such as choice a Gordian knot, unable to be undone unless one wields an unforgiving sword? Must the choices, the decisions be based solely on facts? At least as I perceive them to be or is emotion able to be added onto the scales where we weigh our choices. Our decisions. And at the proper time, the results. If any. If for the better or the worse. 

To quote a famous American, these are indeed "the times that try men's souls". Women as well. How does one rate one's own values? How does one truly know the level of sacrifice in truth and is it OK to hope that we never reach that challenging level? Never to be so tested? And worse, if tested, to fail! 

How indeed is it possible for anyone, for me in particular, since it is the me that I am responsible to and for, to hold conditions once thought anathema to my very being. And actually, still are. But something else has come into the fray, has contributed its weight. Rather than helping, it simply is complicating the entire manner.

  At the end of this self-examining session of questions and answers where none seems to be found, I find myself even more confused than ever. How can I possibly compare and contrast, juxtapose the two sides of this coin? Both sides of the matter contain life long held beliefs. Deep beliefs. Beliefs which demand that I remain loyal to them. How can these two so different sides actually be aligned in such manner to keep me sane?  Where and how do I weigh in the negatives that would be activated upon championing one side over the other? How can I be sure which positives will outweigh the others, and which will weigh less? Will the positives of the one outweigh the negatives of the other?  

It is impossible. It is impossible. It is something which demands that I actually take a cleaver to all that I have believed, to all that I have espoused, and then somehow gather the pieces and reformat them into something with which I can live. A new coin which would incorporate all that I hope and pray for, all that I believe. I just don't see that happening. I also don't see how it can continue like this.  My head pounds. My heart beats. I try to think of ways to make this broken coin whole again. In a form I can live with. Justify to those questioning it. Yes, life is as life is, and we have very little to say about it. But the little we can say, must be weighed and carefully judged. And even then ...

If there had been no brave souls in our yesterdays;

if there have not been brave souls who took on the challenge in and of our todays,

where would be the hopes of our tomorrows?  

Not a clue, folks, not a clue.

What I do know is that there are very difficult times with crippling decisions awaiting us, right on top of us, and no one can sit this out. Remember that to say and do nothing in the face of Evil is to abet and enable it, to spew its poison wherever it lives. and its appetite is insatiable.

Remember -

 On. Us.

Only. Always. On. Us.