STALKING HORSES

     Everybody has a stalking horse in life, many with more than one. Not the crazed stalker who plagues an individual, but those things in life that haunt us, problems that are often beyond our ability to control, yet they affect our very lives and our quality of life. Sad to say, I find that as I age, I have more stalking horses in my life and they often reach that life or death level. (Full disclosure: my kids say I have a worry gene.) But be that as it may, I believe my stalking horses are akin to those of many others in these perilous and chaotic times.
     First and foremost these days is that damned virus. It is not death so much as the manner of death, the swiftness with which it strikes, the nastiness of its death and its possible length. There are so many unknowns about it that there is almost no way in which to guard against it other than isolate. Even then, one slip, known or unknown, could signal the end. 
     Nor is isolation the final answer as it simply slows the spread, trying to give our exhausted medical personnel a handle on its treatment and care for affected individuals. It will neither go away, nor get tamed, without more understanding of its growing complexity and a vaccine that all must take with no nonsense about anti vaxers!!
     We were woefully unprepared as a nation to come to grips with this health crisis though we knew it was coming one day soon. When it did, we continued to ignore it, shoving aside health experts, denying the truth of their words, appointing morons to run the supply chain and allowed corruption to rear its ugly head once more in this terminally ill administration.
     So yes, I have a stalking horse in my life. It is the death this virus confers on its victims, the aftereffects on its survivors. It is the frustration felt when I cannot hug my kids or a friend long unseen other than on Zoom or Skype. It is the not knowing of how, when or where, if ever, this situation will change. It is knowing that every day my odds lessen. It is knowing that with all my underlying conditions, catching this is death. Period. Though my kids assure me that we are doing all the right things - isolation, gloves, masking up, distancing, cleaning up when we go out, but there is no solution to the question of how to visit safely yet allow for physical contact. No answer at all. Will we ever kiss and hug again?
     It is knowing that this administration has been exacerbating the whole mess, this one and all else. We are handing out money, printing it, as if there were no end to it, as if it will retain its value through all this. It is the huge level of national debt we have and growing, what with the heinous tax cuts for business and fatcats, proposed new ones, unemployment payments to record unemployed, virus checks. How the hell will we ever be able to cut this down. What with necessary spending to get us out of this mess, with infrastructure rotting away, where will the funds come to pay for this?! It is the horror of facing a Great Depression and a Great Epidemic at one and the same time, worse than ever. It is knowing that there is no way this administration will successfully handle this and a great stalking horse as to the consequences.
     It is the stalking horses of repetitive history that threatens. We should be hearing the sound of many galloping hooves, feel the shaking of the ground beneath us. Been there, done that, yet here we go again. Watch and sense the rise in prejudice, the anti "other" feelings on the rise, the political divide on this life and death issue, as if this damned thing knows politics or cares!! It is the messed up food chain, growing worse, with crops being plowed under as food pantries and banks are besieged by record numbers, as more people go hungry, more than ever before, as our food workers in every aspect, every link, of this chain sicken and die. So, question -better to die of starvation or disease? Or a combo version!!
     It is the knowing that unless we change horses here, now, in midstream, we will never get to the other side. The incompetence, to a criminal degree, the cronyism that awards life and death contracts to the wrong people, those who qualify by being friends of the Geni-Ass, the nepotism. We can go on and on, but bottom line is that we are a mess, dropping further and further into a deep hole, cutting ourselves off from the world. Should they discover a cure first, guess who willl be last in line, right after the pets and the bee killer hornets!!
    It is the manifest fear that stalks this land of ours, this ever more fragile democracy, as the Constitution is flouted left and right, the system of government shredded on a daily basis, and a major Party ceding control to an evil, immoral would be Life Dictator, with a family to inherit. Just like all the governments and countries newly descending, once again, to dictatorships and tyranny. Watch The Plot Against America on HBO to see what happens with one change of history, one misstep on the wrong path. Not very good for the inhabitants either. Just check the pages and scenes of the media of hunger riots, of starving children and their equally starving parents, the wastage of fields and life itself.
     I would bet that the fear which stalks me, all its categories and reasons, applies to the rest of the world as well. We are all parents, family members, care for someone or something, idea, even a pet. Most of us value life, cherish values. But somehow we went wrong. Somewhere we took a wrong turn, trusted where no trust was earned nor deserved; thus, here we are. Yes, fear stalks me for many, many reasons. I fully confess: I am frightened. I fear for today and I fear for all the morrows to come, or will they?
     In the interim, as best as one can, please be well, stay safe. Try to value one another, for hate, hatred of others, is destructive of all and evil the enemy of all mankind.
    BE WELL.    STAY SAFE.