I wish somebody out there in our great big wide world growing increasingly, ever faster, into a smaller world of actions and consequences, would explain to me what the hell is going on. Can anybody? Is there any possibility of this other than the screaming idiots out there, who actually are a huge part of the problem, yet think themselves so, so righteous? In fact, everyone and no one has any answer that makes sense other than a growing horrid possibility which makes ever more sense, heightens the fear factor exponentially. Quite frankly it leaves me shivering in that same fear and despair. In fact, is there any other answer possible given the facts and historical truths? Sadly, I think not and am beginning, no more than that, to understand that the power of hate goes way way beyond any possible true comprehension of its evil power, of its poisonous tentacles spewing out ever more toxins.
Hate empowers. Hate grows. Hate grows on the consumption of all before it. Hate is neverending and once released and/or validated, it becomes the owner of the leash rather than the leashed one. It is an end promising only more death, more destruction, more horror than can ever be truly understood - hence the tendency to deny its possibility, its actuality - and that leads us only further into a miserable unescapable swamp which will be the death of humankind. All the same.
The possibility, the ability, to change this current equation of no escape is right there before our very eyes. I have seen the goodness of people. With no compensation other than knowing one had done good. I have seen the community outpouring of support in so many ways to the family of my son. He and Chana Sara, our daughter (in law) are enmeshed in the worst nightmare of any parent - the loss of a child. Unless the prayed for miracle, so appropriate for this time of year, arrives.
Food, sympathy, errands, hugs and kisses, comforting, consoling words, reassurances that Yitzy will always be with people, within them as they emulate his unbelievable goodness and faith. It is shared within the tears of endless supply. It is there in the willingness to put themselves all out for this stricken family and even included us when we stayed there for several days during a time of immediate crisis thankfully held off for now. Till when? Only the Good Lord knows and He ain't answering. We have tried, and certainly He knows that! Very well.
That goodness is presented to us with the efforts above and beyond of his school classmates reaching out, their only desire is to help a family greatly in need of such. It boggles the mind when juxtaposed with the rest of the world bogged down in the release of hate, or the hiss of valves being opened and the pressure released morphs into the oldest, most vicious hate around - antisemitism in every single form one can imagine and then some. It is now a time of hate gone over the top, hate on rocks. Old canards - blood libel, self-damage and instigation, subhumanity, the causation of all the woes of the world and on and on and on and on. Ad infinitum, ad nauseum and way, way, beyond that. Ad Morta.
I stand at the doorway to Yitzy's room, watching him, taking longing, despairing last looks. Soon, too soon, all I will have are the pictures and the memories, the stories which can still make me laugh, even now, as the tears, ever present, rain down my face. I believe there are permanent channels already in place. I curse the unfairness of it. I throw my fists at the Heavens. I rail at mankind, for rather than putting away their hate, their stupidity, their veniality, their worst instincts, they indulge in it and waste the brains, the funds, the opportunities to save mankind rather than destroy it ten times over. Why? Dead is dead and alive is so much better. Where there is life there is hope and where there is death, there is nothing. Why and why and why are we so obtuse?
Why is it that we would rather inflict horror upon and unto others instead of opening arms and hearts and working together to better a would shared. Why is it that the horrendous decried use of rape and sexual assaults and mutilations are declared war crimes, everywhere, other than when it is Israeli women, Israeli young girls subjected to this bestiality? Because they are Jews is the correct, the only, answer. Even as some in the public sphere have belatedly been shamed into beginning to mouth words of condemnation, it is as meaningless as the forced apology, "I'm sorry". Their words and deeds, if any, fall far short of desperately needed input and dedication to the reformation of mankind.
I know where Yitzy will be. And I think as do others, all in search of consolation and understanding, that perhaps he is better off, will be in a better place, while the rest of us are stuck in this awful, frightening world. Actually, even as it gives some comfort, it is not enough. Perhaps Yitzy could have done what was needed, inspired mankind to better itself. If only he were able to remain with us rather than have his beautiful self denied to us.
He is so loved by all. The wonderful staff of the Pittsburgh Childrens' Hospital, whose devotion to service, to the needs and demands of stricken kids and families, their destroyed world in pieces at their feet, the pieces of their hearts interspersed, they also fell under his spell.
This is so wrong, so very wrong. Thousands and thousands of people praying for Yitzy and a miracle. Thousands and thousands, millions even praying for our remaining hostages in the hands of monsters. Dear G-d, why do you demand that Your creations expend their energies upon these never should have been events? Why couldn't all this energy, this devotion, this goodness gone into progress? And, Lord, where were You? Where was your concern and love of Your people
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