SURVIVAL FOR DUMMIES

 

As of yet no one has written a manual on how to survive in a world gone mad, in a world where   nothing is as it was, or was thought to be. How does one survive pressures unheard of, in places it was thought not to exist - or had blind eyes turning away from it? How does one survive situations with supposed turn- to manuals have proven to be weak, useless, nonproductive of any true survival tips on "how to" indeed survive.

 How is it, why is it, that people, good, loving people, trying to comfort us, with all our eyes, faces, hearts awash with tears, meaning well, tell us perhaps it is better that our grandson go, back to the arms and world of the Creator, out of this most evil confused, crazed world. Where hate runs rampant. Where there are no limits to anything - simply think - or not - and act. No brakes. No humanity. Simply cruelty beyond that which is tolerable. Where a public official can state that rape and sexual attacks are standard in war after all, so the women hostages have no right to complain nor to present evidence displayed so openly, visible on their mutilated tortured remains. Just suck it up, she says, and for this alone, on top of the rest of her outrageous   statements re the war in Gaza, she should be censored, tossed out of the House like the piece of trash she is. Perhaps send her to a Moslem country where she would be shrouded in black and shut up with great force. Befitting, certainly.

Mind you, we feel the same way, that he will be out of pain, will be healed, meet up with family poised to greet him, love him, and stress and hate will be no more. Those of us left behind, will be left with a great big hole in our lives, our hearts damaged forever. It is not fair. Not at all. It is ugly. Heartbreaking. Tragic. We want Yitzy, need Yitzy, to remain with us. Not to be discussing burial options. Not for one who is 13, so loving, so loved and beloved. That would be selfish, for death will free him of pain and the torments of cancer.  He deserves respite.  

This is a boy who told his parents he had to tell them something and proceeded to comfort them. He stated clearly and comfortably that he was okay with what is going to happen, for it is Hashem's decision and as so decided, it is right. He will always be with his parents; he reassures them and only asks that we remember him. As if.

Our family, gathering in Pittsburgh, only unknowing of the day, but knowing it is soon, are torn with grief, struggling to understand or at least accept, to comfort his parents even as we ourselves are barely holding it together. In a sky of bright blue we see only gray skies, bearing no light at all. 

Those gray skies are representative of the world outside the hospital. In fact, it greatly needs a healing of its own. Death pervades the globe, tightly woven, and along with hate and acts of violence, are woven into the very fabric of this world. 

As a grandmother I weep for Yitzy, and selfishly for me, in my grief, my resentment that he will be missing. The last kiss I gave him yesterday, as I most gently stroked his arm and bent down to give him a kiss, telling him it was me, his Tata, he was my sweet boy and I loved him. He opened his eyes for a second and saw me. This is supposed to give me closure. How can there be closure? Wrong!!!

 I try to distract myself from grief and turn to the news. Well, while I have been otherwise occupied, the world has only gotten worse. Perhaps so misshapen and maddened, that to discover an actual exit from this road of inevitable doom, leading to a place of sanity and possibilities in the positive   column - grows dimmer day by day. hour by hour.

We have lost our humanity, for any concept of shared humanity. I truly resent the behavior, the insanity and cruelty of some which have driven me into a world of corrosive hate and hurt. It is ugly, nonproductive of anything other than pain and evil. Crazed people coalesce into a single being - a mob- with its own motivation, and literally, hunt those whom they hate, those they have been taught to hate. Otherwise normal people, now suffused with, consumed by hate. And the world of sanity, of a civilization of continuing progress, crumbles with every footstep, every jeer and every threat.

In particular, I fear for me and mine, as a Jew increasingly seeing our life turning into a living reenactment of life under Nazis, under Russian domination, under any dictator who erases all rights and/or needs a convenient scapegoat to deflect perusal of his faults.  Nothing less than what Trump openly proposes if he were to be president again - Heaven forbid!! G-d forbid.

So where does a weary grief-stricken grandmother go to seek relief, escape, if possible. I guess into shouting at the screens of newscasters, at biased writers of vicious misinformation. Continuing to deny that antizionism is anti the existence of Israel, anti the existence of Jews anywhere on the globe. So pronounced is this bias, this twisting of facts, that AGs of 14 states have sent these purveyors of dangerous lies a warning, of prosecution, should they continue on this path. Probably there will be, is no, true escape, but I will turn to my last ditch go to effort - a good book connected to nothing of reality and a good piece of chocolate. In honor of the boy who loves candy, especially chocolate which he declares not to be candy, hence eligible to consume whenever. I agree. Probably inherited the genes of a chocolate lover from me.

And here I am, again, back to Yitzy – always and forever.  

We continue to pray and plead and hope for a miracle. Our last hope.