PERHAPS

 It is extremely difficult to even think of beginning to be able to hear and feel the words of comfort and consolation expressed by so many. These words come from so many, from long known friends to random people we had never known or had long ago lost contact. They came from people Yitzy had met during his passage through the last fateful year of his life. 

They came from people he had met, somewhere, at some time, interacting with them, for varying periods and in various activities. perhaps baseball, or bird watching as he discussed so knowledgeably re birds with fellow watchers, mainly adults. Whatever the activity and duration, the same words came through. These were the very same words we ourselves used to describe Yitzy, his wonderful, beautiful, amazing self. 

The signature infectious grin. The generosity of his soul. The humbleness within, never quite understanding why dads would introduce their sons to him at baseball. How exceptional was the depth and sincerity of his faith, accepting the word and decision of his fate, so unfair, so devastating to so many, and why? Because his G-d had so decreed and after much thought, he was okay with it, for thus G-d had decided and thus, it was correct and needed to be accepted, no matter the difficulty contained within that acceptance. He imparted strength to his parents during those horrible last moments and days, doing his best to interact with them, to state clearly his wish for a Torah to be written in his name, for people to know he would always be with them, and but one other wish.   Please, do not forget him. 

As if. 

My heart is breaking all over again, as the tears run down my face, and I need to take a break for a bit before I can continue. 

 As we sat in the house of mourning, the shiva period, the family was inundated by a flood of those who came to share in the sadness, to ease the suffering, to tell their own their Yitzy stories, to   simply be there. They flew, they drove, they simply flooded in. From the nurses and health personnel   who had so wonderfully taken care of Yitzy in the hospital, who loved him, and came to share that love as they came to the house of shiva. Their stories made us laugh and cry at one and the same time.     

At times we simply flipped through the postings from people who knew Yitzy. There were so many, be it on Facebook, or What's App or through emails. People who could not be there or who needed or wished to relay their own interactions with Yitzy. Beautiful tributes to Yitzy. In his too short a life, he has influenced so many, not by trying, but simply by being Yitzy. Such a loss to us, to the world at large, for what could this child not have achieved had he been allowed to remain with us, in a world so desperately in need of such as he.  

People then knew that our words describing Yitzy, the words of others delineating their own impressions and interactions with Yitzy, were true. This young man touched so many.  I have previously shared some of the writings about him. Here is yet another, found by his mom, our daughter, not in-law, but in love and admiration.    Writing about the 'teenager' - even as to me he was a child, but perhaps we were all wrong. Perhaps he was an old soul in a young body, and his purpose on earth, perhaps his very "Yitzyness" was to shed   love and inspiration. 

Not blessed so much for us, in our deep grief, but we could take some comfort in the thought. Just maybe, maybe, we could begin to open our broken hearts to some repair, never ever to be fully whole again, but to take joy in his very being, in the privilege it was to know and love him, this bundle of supposedly contradictory characteristics and traits, as always and forever, to adults, to classmates, to family, just Yitzy.

Finally, I wish to humbly thank all who have sent beautiful words of comfort to the family, and to me personally. I, we, are so very touched by the many who contributed to the writing of that Torah. The task to thank all individually is a difficult one, not sure I am up to it, at least at present, but please, know, that I am ever so grateful for and appreciative of your words, for your kindness and thoughtfulness, for your generosity. May G-d bless you all.

  "I just saw this Facebook post by a woman we met when we were in CHOP for radiation, I can’t believe how nice it is!'(These are Chan's words as she found and passed along this passage.)

"This post has been one of hardest to articulate mostly because it doesn’t even seem real. During our time in radiation, we met some of the most amazing children and families, we connected, shared stories, cheered our kiddos on and of course commiserated on our situations. Sitting in that waiting room daily, began to feel familiar. One of the most familiar and amazing things was to see one the best smiles I have ever seen in my whole life from the sweetest teenager, Yitzy. His smile could light up and entire room, even on the days you could tell he didn’t feel well as he was tackling Chemo and radiation at the same time, he would always give the biggest smile and wave. We were so incredibly lucky to spend time talking to him and getting to know he was an amazing baseball player and also the coolest drone flyer — he captured the coolest videos of Philadelphia and we were so gracious that he shared them with us. His mom, Chana and I connected very quickly and she inspired me from our first conversation, she is a fierce advocate for her amazing son and such a sweet friend from the beginning. A few weeks ago we found out Yitzy’s cancer had spread, we hoped and prayed for a miracle, with the most heartbreaking words that miracle never came. I can say we are beyond honored that we got meet and to know Yitzy, and he will forever be a part of our hearts and life and his infectious smile will live on forever in our mind and we will forever honor him and his life.❤🎗"