ROUGH DAY

  Yesterday was a rough one. I have been working hard to manage my grief, my anger, in the private world and that arising from the world at large.  However, yesterday morning that effort was blown, into itty bitty pieces. Taking a shirt from a pile to be folded, my eyes spotted something which took my breath away and simultaneously the river of tears and the sucker punch of agony began again. 

A shirt from a vacation family trip to Disney, made for us, with all our names - including Yitzy. Wham!!!!! The force of a double semi rig slammed me up against a hard wall of failed denial. Yitzy was dead, gone, and never again would I, could I, see that beautiful boy again - not in the physical world anyway. Only to imagine that grin, to look at pictures and videos. Hard, folks, very hard, if not impossible, at least at this point. Still too close, too fresh, and the wound continues to seep. 

Seeking relief, an ability to continue on with the day, I called a child who put aside her grief to help me manage my own. At least here I knew we had raised good kids. They were there for each other in the difficult year, and especially during the fiercest, most difficult time of waiting for the inevitable and dealing with the agonizing aftermath. People, cherish your family. Now. Life is fickle, tragedy can strike out of nowhere, so cherish the now, not the after.  

The rough seas of the morning continued to rage. Good friends called, a catch up, checking out call after some time to recoup after the initial overwhelming darkness. G-d bless them, some having been friends practically for life and others of more recent times. All meant well and I am ever so grateful for their care and concern. They were not to know how badly the day had begun and how each call poured salt into the wound. Do not get me wrong though, as each call was therapeutic as well. Talking, sharing, all aspects of our lives, the best therapy ever.

Giving up on the private world, consigning it as yet one more day of deep, agonizing grief, I grabbed the papers, the NYT and the WSJ, and attempted to immerse myself into the worries of our world, so beset by confusion and existential threats, mostly of our own making. What a mistake! Wow!!! This world is broken, the question of possibility of mending it up in the air, with little to no time to spare in those efforts, for its survival hangs on a very thin, delicate fraying thread.

No escape anywhere. The news of the world rings the bell loud and clear re the mess of ours, of our own making, running up the tab at the Grocery   Store of Heaven, just about at its limit, awaiting recall any day soon.  No relief in sight as the intelligent members of human society seem to have either disappeared or washed their hands of it all. Cannot blame them. There is a limit to how long one can spit into the wind, getting nowhere fast, other than being drenched in the anger, the grief, the hopelessness and helplessness that is returned double, triple fold with every gust.

Here are some suggestions and bits of sensibility. 

Do not hit first, but if hit, hit back harder, thus precluding further future attempts to smack you down. If the opponent, the aggressor cannot understand or tunes out verbal attempts to mediate, then reread the above lines. At that point several well-deserved wallops might be necessary to gain attention and give them understanding.   

Recognize the truth of the situation and know your enemies well and your allies even better. Make your goals easy to grasp and your determination to achieve those goals or make safe adjustments.

Continue the fight until it is over. Truly over. Do not allow pressures of others with their own motivations push you off route. There lies danger.

 Do not get involved or fooled by false flags, particularly those with no business in these affairs, or whose blatant interests prodding them to self-serving suggestions. These suggestions will prove to be false flags and dangerous to you and your goals. Keep your goals in mind always.

   Be aware and wary of promises made by those whose fingers are crossed behind their backs. 

Understand the importance, the critical necessity of proper education.

Arrange for proper supervision of those who would see you dead, for their hate eats away at them - see to it that it does not eat you. Their hate is of a strong intensity, virulent and toxic, not easy to overcome. Thus, awareness is of critical necessity. 

  Understand that logic is inapplicable here. One must get their attention first and only then will the possibility of education be warranted.  

Do not be forced to stop with goals unachieved, yet in sight, of real possibility, even as the enemy engages in a massive effort to turn the truth, the realities aside. Keep your eye on the target and amass visual proofs of your justification and necessity to finish the job, once and for always.  

Do the best one can not to hit the bystanders. Also recognize that collateral damage is a reality. The fault is with those who placed them there in the first place.  

Keep to yourself as much as possible for you are your best ally.

 Right is not always right - until it has become the reality and then it will be accepted, with some moans and groans, but accepted it will be. Reality holds weight.

 The rest of the world can find their own way to come to a realization and acceptance of the truth, as it is, perhaps not as they wished it to be- for their own reasons.   

Without words, there is force only. After the force, then the talk.   

For those who are at sea as to what the hell is going on here, then a Hebrew saying will explain.     "Hamaven, yaven."

He who understands will understand.

The meaning is clear.

In any case, today I am going to immerse myself in a book long awaiting my attention or perhaps some painting or simply to vegetate and doze. to dream of a world, a good blessed one, where 13-year-old boys do not die of a filthy accursed disease of rhabdomyosarcoma. Where we expend our funds and brains on beneficial topics and goals. Where   efforts are directed at bettering this needy world. 

People, love your family. Cherish your friends.

I so miss my Yitzy, the wonderful man he would have made, the beautiful boy, inside and out that he was.

More hugs and kisses, Yitzy.

Forever and a day.