No, unfortunately not talking of the so longed for peace in the Middle East. Peace that enables us to breathe once again, not to visualize as we do already, a time of horror beyond contemplation or thought, yet there it is. Another Jewish state destroyed, by enemies without and unfortunately within, and the horrendous reality such a world would bring forth.
The nation would not go down without a fight, nor would the rabid creatures quickly slake their bloodthirst nor shun their proven record of bestiality regarding anyone ensnared within their claws. Their cruelty rivals any of the past, from the most savage armies. No, not that peace, for that is not peace at all. Unless there was a new sense of peace. One enabled by the merging and melding of minds above the fray, who can see clearly through the obscuring smog overlaying the roads to peace, one that is fair to all, that demands compromise from all, ultimately satisfactory to enough to enable its survival and implementation. Now that is indeed a dream of peace, much doubt remaining, but hope, that little, tough bird, still lingers on.
However, there is a peace which came as a blanket, to my soul. It embraced me with a sense of peace and acceptance. For the life of me I could not fathom what the hell was happening. Peace? Comfort? Acceptance? This year, this day, this moment? Somebody somewhere had lines crossed and there I was, caught as a helpless fish in a net. Peace and comfort? In a year when the world went crazy, embracing dictators, Metternich channeling politicians, clearly berserk, demented false leaders, tossing democracy aside as trash of no value?
When this was happening: vitriolic antisemitism, morphing instantaneously into rabid vile Jew hatred, infecting so many, a Covid pandemic of the soul, emptying it of all humane instincts, refilling with hate, vicious, bloodthirsty, freeing weak souls to engage openly, in behavior long since thought unthinkable, banned. Evil beyond contemplation at this supposed advanced time. When words were flipped. Peace became war. Progressive became retrogressive. Wrong became correct. Always with the end goal the complete extermination of Jews, from the last babe in arms to the oldest survivor and all in-between. Go hate go.
Peace, comfort? Was this a cruel practical joke? Was there some runaway angel, a developing imp, playing with me? Yet, yet there it was - undeniable, almost touchable physically, so powerful its pull, reaching deep into my innermost feelings. Even as my outer person was singing, clapping, feeling, enjoying the music, the mood, the unbelievable voice and faith of the singer, Shulem Lemmer, my mind was aquiver, at war with itself.
What was this sudden understanding which I did not understand. I was still, now and for always, grieved at the manifest cruel passing of Yitzy. This boy,13, a child, an adult, with courage and faith in the face of it, managed to comfort his bereaved parents and family, inspired so many, from family to friends, to mere acquaintances, who changed because of him. Why then, why, why was he taken from a world so deeply in need of positive inspiration.
Why, why, why. I would never stop the why. Peace? Peace!!! Yet....How can my anger and grief survive in the same room as that peace falling upon me? How is it even remotely possible for two such differing emotions to live compatibly with each other? Could I, would I attempt to accept this peace at the same time as I keep my other, roiling emotions? For sure, I was not giving them up, not before there was an answer. Nope. Not me.
Then again, the tears began and lay like mirrors of my soul as they sat there on my eyelashes. Was it the beginning of a sense of truth even as acceptance of the heretofore unacceptable proceeded on its way? Was it a surrender? From me, the stubborn one who did not go away easily, who never backed away from a fight regarding my kids, biological and educational, my people, my friends? Me/?!!
Never that, but instead a comforting acceptance, one which allowed me to continue my questioning even as there grew that understanding. Try as I might, resent it as I might, there was a reassurance. There indeed was a driver with a strong always present hand on the steering wheel of the earth and its inhabitants, of the universe. Though the path was unclear to us, needed repaving in some areas, as we rode at times as helpless passengers, there was a map, there was a destination and always there was that never to be fully comprehended strong hand on the wheel.
This defied all sense to me but eventually, I began to comprehend the lack, that gap to full comprehension and understanding. It simply is not for the lesser brains of mankind to know the wishes, the reasons of He who created this world, who created mankind, who steers the world, are far too complex to fathom to the deepest depths and truths. One day, the proper day, we will 'get it' and all will be clear. The tears on the eyelashes will reflect peace, the peace that is now growing within me, a comfort, even as I treasure my continuing ability, perhaps even encouragement, to keep up the fight, for G-d at times might need a reminder, as his attention wandered off somewhere. Could be. Maybe. Hopefully.
It is to know that even as we undergo the tortures of Hell, face incomprehensible evil, wonder why and how people display a blindness, a deafness, a muteness, or worse, an enjoyment of such evil, there is method in this madness. To accept that is to know peace and comfort. It is also to know that we are not off the hook, for our good deeds do figure into the final mathematics of the bewildering equation of life.
Na'aseh v'nishma is what the Israelites swore at the feet of Mount Sinai as the burden, the gift, of Torah, was given to them. We will do, we will hear. The promise included future generations. At times we succeeded, at other times, not so much. We do not relinquish all responsibility for we do have free will and we can make good, positive decisions or we can go the other way, the one which inevitably has a 'dues payable' on it. We are responsible for ourselves and for others as well, including future generations. Just as our ancestors needed to have us in mind as well. It is a somber and sobering thought. The responsibility is huge, almost unbearable, unable to be met. It is a challenge for all of mankind and once we recognize and accept that truth, discard ugliness and the burgeoning disinformation industry, evil will wither and truth, peace will prevail.
Sounds simple, but we are so manifestly failing at the challenge, so ill equipped to combat its growth, its ugliness. We must raise our efforts, combat this status quo which portends the worst of mankind succeeding. Again. Can we not learn from the past.
With acceptance comes understanding. With that comes peace of a different type than we traditionally define peace, but know that it is comforting, reassuring, and encouraging. What happens now or in the future is on us. We can ameliorate some of the bills, get a discount for bills receivable owed by us -or to us.
A state of reality much to be desired and attainable if we do make that effort. Will some oppose, fight to the death for their contrary beliefs? Of course. At times they will be more correct but at other times, not. Those times are to be sought and won. It will be hard as we hear the deafening cries of the martyred brothers and sisters, the strong demands within for justifiable revenge.
It is a stunning ask of humanity, almost a complete reversal of what we have done over the millennia. But we have made strong U-turns before, made starting revelations. We can do it again, but will we? Difficult, very much so but what is the alternative? War, more war, more hostages, more blood, more and more evil, increasing in level and skill.
With sincere efforts, with true allies who will work together to end this hate, this villainy, this horror, to face the truth of what must be done NOW, it can be done. Ugly, yes, but permanent as well. One must turn away from evil, turn our backs to it, defy its temptations.
Then, the peace of knowing we have done what must be done, paid our past dues to the generations preceding us and paid forward our debts to the generations of the future.
A peace both comforting, challenging and possible.
We must be strong. We must be together. Lack of unity has destroyed us before. To repeat history is to be ignorant of truths clearly laid out before us.
Yitzy, sweet boy, you must help us with this task. You were so brave on this earth and must do the same up there with the Driver.
Hugs and kisses, Yitzy.
Always and forever. Always and forever.
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