A lot and a little, probably always evolving, for there is little in this strange new world of ours that remains static. The situation is often fluid and is better approached with relativity in mind rather than in stiff immutable absolutes. That does not mean the foregoing and abjuration of all principles and beliefs, but rather an understanding that as situations evolve so must we at times if we are to survive and prosper.
That is neither shocking nor heretical, for all that makes up society and civilization has undergone change. Some of it has been almost immediate and others have evolved, been a long time coming. Civil rights, the understanding of the relationships between society and its various components, religious laws, attitudes in general, have all changed. They have been amended, nourished or discarded over time. Some have proven to be of benefit, positive and impelling of forward movement, while others are neutral or even backwards in direction and intent.
Society and individuals are rarely struck by lighting and moments of sudden epiphanies, inspired to change thoughts, opinions and actions on a dime. The changes might arise via a backlash to what is current belief or imposed belief, or to times when people and society appear to be calcified in attitude and thought, opposed to any and all change. Neither extreme is positive, for change is more accepted when its "rightness" is clear and understood for individuals and society as a whole. In many cases these changes face challenge, weak or strong and this all must be factored into the equation, into the wording, into a time span, allowing for growth and change, of acceptance or rejection.
Even as society itself is in upheaval these days, a roil and a boil with conflict. and outrage, with self-inflicted wounds, so too are the individuals which make up society. There is a great deal of confusion, certainly within myself, as to exactly when, why and how there were effected these negative changes to the gestalt of society as we know it. As we knew it, certainly here in the United States and within the Western nations of the world. We had progressed to a point where we accepted the humanity of most people, willingly or not. We had begun to understand better the mutually shared responsibilities of society and its components to and from each other.
Without warning, the world turned on a dime. In a sharp, almost uncontrollable speed, we veered off the road on which we had been traveling. We became lost. Poles shifted. The very air we breathe seemed to have changed. Nothing was as it was, or at the minimum was on its way out. We shouted at each other not hearing a word. We closed our eyes and our minds to all that should have stung us greatly, deeply. Radical voices and change began to dominate. and left many bodies behind with more to come. All that we had thought we were, all that we believed, were tossed aside, treated with contempt, and nothing of great viability and reality took its place. Even as society became lost within itself so too did the individuals within that society, some more, some less, and certainly me.
The anger which now suffuses the world was, is, particularly appalling to me. How could one live in anger while talking meaningful peace? How could one experience joy if the negative emotion of anger was all powerful, all overpowering. And where the hell was religion in all this? Name any religion in this world and most adherents will tell you of its penchant for peace and acceptance, tolerance a key tenet. All the while, the other side of their mouth spews forth words of hate and encouragement to act upon that hate.
This was not only true of the world at large, but also frighteningly terrifyingly disappointedly so right here in the United States of America. My country, or at least I thought it was. Not so sure right now. Even now, as new regulations are handled down to universities and other sites of 'education', there's actually very little true enforcement and adherence to their goals even as rampant antisemitism continues to be up front and center with Attitude of a capital A impact and impermeability. It caught so many, too many, via false speech and only then unsheathed its true ugliness, the claws and fangs of their violent, vicious, toxic, murderous hate.
Gone were the supposed tenets of love, of peace, of tolerance, of brotherhood, of a seeking for commonalities. Their attitude as voiced by one spokesperson was an open disinterest, a strong opposition to any attempt to form an inclusive community. None at all. Worse and dismayingly so was the presence of Jews pushed to the fore as tokens of 'tolerance and unity', even as rabbis stood alongside, vocalizing, contributing 'justifying' articles, and further poisoning the air.
Was this my religion? The one which provided structure and strength to make my way through life? To find within the wherewithal to bear up under heavy burdens and smothering clouds of grief and despair so unfathomable and unacceptable. Yet also to be able to find joy in other moments. How, when the very leaders meant to guide me strode with giant and determined steps into dangerous territory of hunters and enemies aplenty and risky open and hidden paths of dangerous footing and cliff edges galore.
I could scarcely recognize my religion as it was shredded by supposed adherents and proponents. Was I to believe that leaders who took upon themselves the burdens of leadership, were allowed to lead their flocks astray? If I could not believe words of this discussion, why should I, would I believe words of other discussions? Where within the many holy books of our people and the many books of commentary was this allowance and permission to be found.
Was this my religion? Was this what I had learned and lived from birth, what I grown up with, what I had internalized.? The one we had given to our children via home, school, and community? Most certainly it was not. At least I hope not. Openly needful of something beyond me, above me, I had to discover for myself, the essence and boundaries of my faith, not really questioning my belief in G-d and His words, but rather in the interpretation and application of those words.
Judaism has always been a faith of questions and answers, of seeking answers, of questioning answers, of refining them. To question is not heresy. To question is to increase the depth of that faith, to engender stronger connection to the soul of the believer. I expect moments of further questioning, of joy and understanding, of befuddlement and even resentment, and have already met some of them. The need to continue, to mine compatible, satisfactory answers. the pull to do so cannot be denied.
Hopefully. this journey. along the demanding path will result in a better me, comfortable and confident in my mind, my belief strong, possibly stronger than ever. Why do this at this stage? This is not the first time I have embarked on this journey, merely a continuation, perhaps more relevant and meaningful precisely at this stage of life. The urge, the need is powerful and the questions many.
Join with me as I travel the path for better, clearer, brighter understanding and acceptance and maybe, just maybe, you will find some stops along the way perfect for you.
On the morrow.
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