A CONFESSION

 Every once in a while, a person has to cut themselves some slack. Even in times of great stress and pressure, one cannot run on all spark plugs plus some extra ones you found in a closet and somehow managed to connect, so as to double the speed and the outcome. Just impossible if one wants to remain sane. But -

 ...if there is a functioning brain and a whole lot of care and concern, how does one achieve that moment of nirvana when troubles are 'disappeared', at least for a while, and some peace and quiet enters the picture. How does one ignore the outside world even as it is impossible to do so in this crazed hyperfunctioning world of ours?

  I am finding unfortunately that there is no way out. To totally cut oneself off. If one is watching that which appears to be no brain strain, such as the short illuminating videos of woodworking or thrift shipping, not really working, does it? A nice mindless little daily adventure, easing the pain of the reality, and boom! Some blurb comes in from the side, or something runs across the bottom of the screen, the infamous crawl, the eye is caught, the brain is engaged and there we go again.  

So, we turn to other outlets, though definitely running out of them. The papers and magazines. I like the real paper and actual 'in your hands' magazines, so I make sure I get some to read at moments of leisure or running away from the real world. But even there, even when I know there are certain specialties within or articles outside the current events, my eyes and mind are inevitably engaged with a "catch the eye" insertion and there we go again! So, I read it. Brain restarted and lists of concern start scrolling within the head. Nope.  No good. Another?  

 No way out is there.

But wait! Take a walk. Oops, here comes the friend, neighbor, self-declared maven and interpreter of the day's events and here we go again. No escape as current events, politicians, their misdeeds, etc..., etc.., etc., are served up, cold or hot does not make a difference, does it? Searching...searching...searching...

Got it. The movies. Let me find some non-brain challenging movie. A comedy with male humor.  All slapstick. And foolish behavior. Nah, so   dumb, I generally walk out. OK. How about a rom/com? Nah. I guess I've grown too old to appreciate those rather tasteless grappling scenes of two adults finding themselves with their newly discovered love and they promptly go at each other like wrestling deep in heat creatures. Actually, does nothing for the story line either. People today! 

Next? What remains? A mindless action movie. Where I can sit there and flinch at the punches and kicks inflicted upon the enemy and not really figuring out - nor care - as to why there is that fight. But. Here is a problem - These days many of these movies are made with the characters speaking Chinese. Makes sense, as many of the characters are Chinese. English subscripts below. Then I have to squint to read the script. Read it fast and miss the action anyway. No distraction here. Other than a bit of mumbling under the breath curses as I leave yet another failed attempt at distraction. Even the coming attractions touched on topics manifestly not within your desired topics of the day. It goes something like this: I heard about that movie. It's about that, that, that...why are they making a movie about that so controversial topic!

Gotta shut the brain down again. Veering too close to the temptation to return to the keyboard and engage brain. And then, yes, Captain Picard, make it so. One more try, one more - a Disney movie. None around.   Perhaps some mindless action movie. Nope, been there before.  

 OK. Try something else.  That quaint thing called reading. In a real live book. One where perhaps you skip to the ending to find it out as to guilty person or method, then go back to see how clever the author was at reaching that ending. Very intriguing.  However, unfortunately, even as one can take the teacher out of the classroom, one cannot take the teacher out of the brain and the habitual reactions to movies and books and articles. That is: how can I use this in teaching? How can this be used to make the kids think? And there we go. Reality intrudes and whoosh! The escape, the joy, the freedom of it. 

All gone. Or mostly gone. Along with that great lesson that would have gone on with it. 

And that is the end of yet another lost effort to turn the head off. To shake out the worries. To lower the level of the boiling pressure. And yet - I will continue to call out all that I see as wrong. Even though perhaps. it is spitting into the wind in any effort to change the world or even any single person who runs it. Perhaps someone will figure out with just a little push and somewhere there will be a change for the better and hopefully set off a chain of such consequences.

One can only but hope.    

I got it. Time to make a Facetime or zoom call to find engaging conversation. With my lovely little babies! Squeak there, squeak here. Another goofy smile. Now that does it. Every time. 

Bye now.