THE YEARS PASS AND THE ACHE STILL THERE

     Five years ago today I received a phone call with awful news. My mom had died - with a smile on her face as she "saw" my dad and called out his name. Happy for her, that she was with her Natie again, I ached for myself, for the gigantic hole left in my heart and life.
     Who else but a mother understands one's feelings? Who else but a mother will worry about your very least ache even as she suffers a larger one of her own? Who else is there to accept your phone call whenever you make it, always happy to hear from you, to talk with you, to send love down the phone line?
     Who will laugh with me as we recount the times she chased me around the dining room table with a belt - and never caught me! Who will laugh with me as we recount the time I was punished - innocent of course - and had to miss my favorite show, Brave Eagle? And with whom will I share the memories of how the bed would be made afresh every day with blanket turned down when I did not feel well? Who fought with the doctors when they missed diagnosing me with encephalitis and insisted they check again? Who else but a mother does this, always with love, always with care?
     So five years have gone and the ache is still as sharp, still as painful, even though we look back and joke about her love of chocolate, her spoonerisms, her devotion to her beloved husband, and all that we remember.
     Even in her last years when she lived with my daughter she never lost her verve, her love of life - but always with a note of longing for her missing half, and became the Tata of the neighborhood. She loved all and they loved her and crowded the pews of the funeral home.
     So my Nellie, I still miss you, still love you and your grandchildren love to hear stories about you and tell their own. You are still a part of our lives, an integral part of our hearts and always will be. I love you, Mommy till the end of time.