Wow! I woke up this morning a bit dazed. I actually was able to fall back asleep at 3 AM and now I am late with the pill regimen. Dearie me! By the time I finish with the timed pills it will be time for lunch rather than breakfast. Oh well. Nothing I can do about that. Ahh, the woes of old age. And then I looked over my shoulder - carefully, so as not to set my back afire - and had a shock. Oh my!
There he was, the almost birthday boy - tomorrow, as a matter of fact - and there, too, was my shock. Holy cow! He will be 74 and I am married to an old man. When the hell did that happen? How did it happen? When I look in the mirror I am puzzled at times, for there, looking back at me is my mother, even as I know it is me, and my matching partner is right there, to my left When did we get so old? What happened to the handsome young man with a head full of jet black hair, a straight back, and a gentleness to be valued and treasured.
So, did the world age with us? Did we lose vital parts of our beings, our inner selves, as we lost physical abilities and attributes? What does being old - or getting older - actually mean? It really is deep food for thought. Ahh, food. Can't think about that. Too many pills to take before that can happen. Back to the topic.
I think, at times, that we are, the two of us, somewhat bewildered and dismayed at the rise of ugliness again, the vicious and viral hatred that people seemingly cannot be rid of. We look at each other and wonder, not so much about ourselves, for we are at the tail end of our time on earth - hope I can eat before that happens! - but our kids, our grandkids - what will life be for them? Will there be an even uglier outburst of anti-Semitism? Will the world explode or implode with its self destructive anger? What will be?
And I look over at my old man husband and then think that at least we were lucky and blessed enough to live a life together, to share the joys and woes of children - gotta' remind those kids of that again - and the absolute bliss of grandchildren. Waiting on the time for great grand kids. Someday. Hopefully I will eat again before that happens!
So what does getting older mean in this world? It means a tad of confusion at the speed of life, the rate of change, the obsolescence of gadgets just as one feels at least a tad okay with it. It means sad wonder at the deterioration of manners, of decency, but also the comfort at knowing that there are still stalwart warriors out there who fight for the ideals of my youth, and quite frankly, still my ideals, and perhaps even stronger - or is that strong feeling my empty stomach reminding me, shouting, "Feed me!" Down, kiddo. At least another hour and a half to go. Patience is a virtue.
There are also good points at aging. No one looks awry at you when you take a little nap in the middle of the day. No one tells you to hurry up. People actually hold doors for you. Store owners, at least here in Florida, know to point out the facilities when you wander in with an anxious look on the face. Not in Manhattan!!
And again, and always, there are the joys and comforts in knowing that the two of us are together. There is the excitement in working together on new ventures. There is the comfort of simply sitting there in the living room, laughing and talking over old memories. There is a joy in life to aging as well - as long as one gets to eat breakfast!!
There are the simple joys of somehow finding oneself watching a movie Alabama Moon on YouTube and having no idea I got there. Sweet movie. Watch it. There is the excitement - and the anger - that one feels when accessing the world of the Web, that satisfying and exasperating entity, the reaching out for information and the sadness at the lies perpetrated on it and even worse, the amount of people who believe those lies.
So, Happy Birthday, my old man. Enjoy the best wishes and the love of family and friends as they reach out to wish you all the best. Know that I still love you and intend to keep you around for as long as the Good Lord allows. Lordy, Lordy - I sure hope this hour and a half goes by quickly, as quickly as the years together have gone by.
Yom Huledet Sameach - ad meah ve'esrim. Beyachad. Tamid beyachad.
No comments:
Post a Comment