THEN NOW FOREVER

  I cried then. I cried now. And I hope I will always cry. If not, a giant piece of humanity will be missing.

Stunned during the day of 9/11, working to clear the school, I cried once and then in the car on the way home -and over several days, weeks and months to follow. Indeed, I cried every year since - at  ceremonies to honor and remember, at photos of the lost, at the tear stained faces of loved ones, at their words. I cried while reading 102 Minutes, especially watching its TV version. I hope I continue to cry, for if not, if I do not feel the horror, the loss, then a piece which makes us human will have gone AWOL.

Yesterday I finally finished watching the National Geographic presentation: 9/11 One Day in America.

Wow!! It packed a punch such as I have neither seen nor felt in the past decade when 9/11 rolled around again. It is, in fact, just about the best program on this event that I have come across. It behooves all to watch it, feel it, cry along with it, understand the losses that stem from that day, from those moments, the permanent changes in our psyche as individuals and as a nation.

We have changed, and not for the better. We have lost threads that joined us together as a nation. We turned on immigrants. We turned on each other. We used violence on each other. We forgot the essence of America. We are so much the worse for all that. And we even turned on our nation itself. So cry, America, for in those tears are the hope for a better future. Without them - I lose hope.

There is a legend that there is a night bird that sings away troubles and woes. Its song is beautiful, cannot be withstood. It combats evil thoughts within hearts and souls but much to our dismay, its voice has not been heard much lo these many a decade. Our evil, our disunity, our lack of compassion for others has chased it away, overpowered the sweet power of its song. Will it ever return? Think deeply on your answer and what it means.

The thickness, the harmful mind cast of people is  shocking, unable to be justified. Person after person, one by one, tens by tens, thousands by thousands, the vaccine deniers die. The mask refusers die. Yet on go the crazed protests, even in states where mandatory vaccines are required for other diseases. What the hell! Cry for these benighted, dangerous people. They are indeed dangerous to all in their  denial of vaccine and mask.

The above topic is but a piece of the anger that has consumed America these days, these past five years. The cause is clear. It lies in one word -  Trump - and the consequences of his ill considered thoughts and the destructive thoughts that ensued.

 "On America's day of trial and grief, I saw millions of people instinctively grab for a neighbor's hand and rally to the cause of one another. That is the America I know.

At a time when nativism could have stirred hatred and violence against people perceived as outsiders, I saw Americans reaffirm their welcome to immigrants and refugees. That is the nation I know.

This is not mere nostalgia; it is the truest version of ourselves. It is what we have been -- and what we can be again."

Poignant words from former President Bush. Words that need to find their target in the hearts, minds, the very souls and cells of Americans. If not, we are lost, no matter how we try to deny, how we try to stall, to delude ourselves. The truth is clear. The tears need to be there if we are to overcome the horror of the then 9/11, the continuing meaning of that awful day, and avoid any repetition of it.

A difficult task. Perhaps impossible. But we have to try. I am not ready to write us off forever. I am not willing to believe there is no hope of empathy for others, for belief in the values of our country down through the centuries. I cannot, lest I cry forever and a day. We cannot lose ourselves. If need be, watch 9/11 A Day in America, again and again. Feel the horror. Feel the heroism. Feel the compassion and self sacrifice. Feel the loss. Feel America. Please. I don't want to cry anymore.